


The Scars You Left

by legallylupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Literally just pain, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Sad Ending, no idea why i did this to myself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 39
Words: 65,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28978809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legallylupin/pseuds/legallylupin
Summary: The Scars You Left || 𝕝𝕪𝕣𝕒 𝕓𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜Remus Lupin had a choice to make.Sirius Black had a choice to make.The Dark lord had a choice to make.Regulus Black had a choice to make.Lyra Black already made hers.❝It's dangerous, but I'm willing to sacrifice for it. ❞❝You were my brightest star, but now you’ve been extinguished. ❞©
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black & Original Character(s), Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1. [one, september 1976]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just to be clear:  
> starting right now:  
> \- regulus is in 4th year  
> \- lyra is in 5th year  
> \- marauders are in 6th year  
> (time progress is in the name and start of each chapter)  
> \- follows roughly the canon timeline, but not always

_Look at the stars  
Look how they shine for you  
And everything you do  
Yeah, they were all yellow ___

__:::_ _

__September, 1976_ _

__Lyra Black hung back slightly, keeping a distance between her and her parents whilst they fussed over Regulus. The golden child. Sirius had already run off to their friends, but Lyra didn't dare. She was enough of a disappointment being a Gryffindor, let alone disobeying her parents._ _

__Walburga placed a slender hand Regulus' back, "do us proud, yes? Toujours Pur."_ _

__Always Pure._ _

__Those words tasted acrid on Lyra's tongue. She'd heard them enough times before and if she had a choice, she'd choose to never hear them again._ _

__"And you, Lyra, watch yourself. Don't stoop to the level of your disgraceful brother and his lewd acquaintances," Orion ordered. It was hard to say no to her father. He wasn't as cruel as their mother, but he was by no means less scary._ _

__Lyra slipped a look in Sirius' direction where he was play fighting with James. She imitated a haughty sniff, one she'd seen her mother do plenty of times. She nodded._ _

__"Good, off you go," Walburga said, not a trace of a smile even beginning to play at her lips, nor the threat of a tear. She was never a very expressive woman, but she could've at least felt something towards Regulus, if anybody._ _

__Lyra gave a half-arsed wave and walked towards the Hogwarts express. She strode with dignity and composure, her trunk gliding smoothly behind thanks to a handy charm. However, as soon as she had entered the train and rounded the corner (well out of her parents' sight), she grabbed the handle of her trunk and yanked it, running with an uneven pace to the last carriage of the train. She burst open the door to reveal James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black._ _

__"Miss me?" She grinned._ _

__"Wayyy," James cheered with a cheeky grin of his own. "Thought you were turning into your mother for a moment back there."_ _

__Lyra pulled her face, disgusted. "As if."_ _

__Sirius grinned and pulled her into a headlock. "That's my lil' sis," he grinned, "taking after me."_ _

__"Ow, Sirius!" She struggled out of his grasp. "You're ruining my hair!"_ _

__Remus snorted, "oh she definitely takes after you."_ _

__Lyra scowled but Sirius had a playful sort of twinkle to his eye when he looked at Remus who poked his tongue out in return._ _

__She looked to her left and traced the 'LB' she'd carved into the wooden panelling two years ago. When she turned back around, she saw that the marauders were all sat in their respective places, their initials carved into the edge of the seat or the overhead compartments. She smiled to herself, how'd she get so lucky?_ _

__"Exploding snap?" Peter offered. He was definitely the best out of all of them, but Sirius got the most laughs out of it. Apparently, something about the 'snap and poof' makes him giggle uncontrollably. It was contagious, too, and soon enough all of them laughed so hard they were silently crying. That was the best type of euphoria Lyra thought she'd ever feel._ _

__After at least eleven rounds, seven of which were lost miserably to Peter, the trolly witch came by._ _

__"Anything from the trolly, dears?"_ _

__"Yes!" James and Peter shouted simultaneously and jumped up. They bought enough that they'd all have enough to last them until Hallowe'en at least._ _

__They scoffed a good 40% of the treats until they started to feel sickly. ("So many liquorice wands," Peter groaned.)_ _

__Remus clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "You are what you eat."_ _

__"In that case, nice to meet you, Moony, I'm a fat load of cauldron cakes," Sirius said, barely moving in fear of vomiting._ _

__Lyra grinned and shook her head. "I'm getting changed, out of these stupid pureblood robes," she pulled her face disapprovingly. "Though I recommend you don't even try to move yet."_ _

__She and Remus smiled slyly, being the only ones not full to exploding point. They grabbed their robes and went to change, leaving James, Sirius and Peter to dwell in their deep pit of regret._ _

__Lyra and Remus returned around fifteen minutes later and the others weren't there. Assuming they'd gone to put on their own clothes after regaining competent glucose levels, she sat down with a sigh._ _

__"I love this place," she smiled fondly._ _

__"So do I," Remus said. "I can forget about muggle problems."_ _

__"I wish I had muggle problems," she said ruefully. "I've never known life without magic and I never will. It sounds selfish, because I know I've got off easy because of the blood prejudice and stuff, but purebloods are just so . . . pureblood-ish."_ _

__Remus laughed. "Yeah, I know what you mean."_ _

__She leaned against the carriage door, feeling herself fall asleep._ _

__——_ _

__Lyra and James practically ran from the great hall to the common room._ _

__"MINNIE I'M HOME, DARLIN'!" James shouted as he skidded through the portrait hole and belly flopped onto the couch. Lyra followed in suit, instigating a pile-on._ _

__McGonnagall looked at them disapprovingly, but Lyra didn't miss the little twitch of the corner of her lips. "Bed, Potter. You and Mr Black seem to be suffering from sugar rush. You'll be bouncing off the walls if I don't get you upstairs now."_ _

__"But Minnie! It's only seven o'clock!"_ _

__"Which gives you plenty of time to unpack," she said swiftly._ _

__"See you, I've got to catch up with Koley," Lyra grinned. The boys weren't allowed in the girls dorm so she could free herself of chaos for the night._ _

__Koley Sauvegarde was a fellow fifth year Gryffindor. They were quite close and could definitely count on each other. She and Lyra were together a lot since they shared a dorm, not to mention they had all their classes together._ _

__Koley was the female version on James, in short. Sporty, tall, fit, quidditch obsessed. It was just their hair that was different, Koley’s being long and blonde._ _

__When Lyra entered the room, her trunk was already propped against the end of her bed._ _

__"KK?" She said._ _

__"In here-e," came a singsong voice from the bathroom. Lyra headed there where one of the two shower curtains were drawn, water running, and Koley stood at the sink brushing her teeth._ _

__"Mary?" Lyra asked, jerking her head in the direction of the running shower. Koley nodded._ _

__"Said the train gives her the icks," Koley said and Lyra laughed._ _

__"Hiya Mary!" Lyra shouted as the mirror steamed up._ _

__"Uh, Koley?" Mary replied, a small Southern lilt to her accent._ _

__"Lyra."_ _

__"Oh, hey sweet'eart. Just give me a minute."_ _

__Lyra returned to the bedroom and began unpacking her personals into her dresser and table. She put the picture of her, Sirius and Regulus right in the middle of her bedside side table. She missed that._ _

__"So," Mary returned from the bathroom and bounced on the bed, brown-black curls bobbing up and down. "What's new with you?"_ _

__"Not much. Just wanted to check in on you and Koley."_ _

__"I went to France, this summer," she gushed. "Gawd, it was beautiful."_ _

__"Tell me about it," Lyra said, and Mary launched into stories of Versailles and Paris, Koley joining them at some point._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is yellow by coldplay


	2. [two, october 1976]

_Ooh, you make me live  
Ooh, I've been wandering 'round  
Still come back to you (still come back to you)  
In rain or shine, you've stood by me girl  
I'm happy at home (happy at home)  
You're my best friend ___

__:::_ _

__October, 1976_ _

__"James, no!" Lyra shouted as James aimed another jellylegs hex at Snape. The poor lad was already dizzy. Don't get her wrong, Lyra felt no pity towards the greasy bastard, but she was slightly scared they'd get in trouble again - they were barely a month into the year and they'd already received three detentions, four for Sirius._ _

__The jinx hit Snape in the back of his legs and he collapsed to the ground rather comically. Awful timing, really, because Professor Sinistra rounded the corner at that moment._ _

__"Potter, Black, detention," she said. She looked to Sirius to congratulate him on his fifth detention only to see he wasn't there. The lucky skank had gotten off, scurrying away with Remus and Peter._ _

__In fact, she was the only Black in the vicinity._ _

__Lyra turned, gaping at Sinistra. "You don't mean me, Professor?"_ _

__"Yes, I do," she reprimanded her. "Tonight."_ _

__"James!" she groaned. "Twat."_ _

__"Sorry, Swiper," James grinned and slung an arm around her shoulders as she walked grumpily with him to class._ _

__"Stop calling me Swiper!" she complained._ _

__"Why not, it's fitting," James frowned. "What, do you want me to call you foxy?" He winked._ _

__"James Fleamont Potter!" she scolded. "No! I thought being a fox was cool, thank you, but you've changed my mind."_ _

__"Oh, lighten up a little, Black. You only live once."_ _

__"Piss off, Prancer," Lyra said, a tormenting smile playing at her lips._ _

__"Oi," he flicked her ear. "I draw the line there."_ _

__She poked her tongue out at him. "You better go find Pads and co. or you’ll be late for herbology."_ _

__He shuddered. "Eugh. Slytherins."_ _

__——_ _

__The next full moon fell on the 19th of October that year, and they were all prepared as usual. Peter had constructed a chart of the moons for the next ten years and James had made Lyra a copy for her dorm room (Remus was beaming at them when they told him, but he'd said it'd be too obvious for it to be in the common room.) Sirius had even gone as far as to get their cousin, Andromeda, to give him a tattoo of the moon that moved in sync with the cycle of the real one. Remus cried at the time._ _

__They'd started to become animagi two years ago, when Lyra was only in her third year. Sirius was scared for her safety but after all, she was Sirius Black's sister and a Gryffindor. Nothing was going to stop her when she put her mind to it. Plus, they weren't successful until a year later._ _

__Sirius was a mucky, black dog. Lyra had suggested they call him flea bag but Sirius wrestled her for it and Peter was laughing for the rest of the day. They'd come to conclusion of calling him Padfoot._ _

__James was a beautiful, regal stag. Though he'd never admit it, Sirius was jealous. Remus had gone through everyone of Santa's reindeers to try them out, but everyone knew he was just taking the piss. Lyra still like to call him Prancer, though. In the end, they settled on Prongs. It happened when Peter was sleepy and nattering on and he forgot the word for antlers, in lieu calling them 'prongs'. Sirius looked at Peter like he was a genius._ _

__And Peter was a rat. Not the most flattering of animals, but Lyra thought it was quite fitting. He had a lot of nervous energy and his eating resembled that of a rat. She wasn't sure where the nickname came from. She was in the hospital wing with Remus when they stumbled in after quidditch practice. Somewhere between then and when Lyra last saw them, they'd started calling Peter Wormtail, much to his dismay. It stuck._ _

__As for Lyra, she was a fox. The silver eyes were the same as her own, and the grey and black fur was like her hair; like Sirius and Regulus; thick and shiny. She was quite proud: you didn't get to chose your animagus, it's based on your spirit animal. It was by luck that she got such a beautiful animal. James had begun calling her Swiper and she wondered where on earth he'd ever watched Dora the Explorer but he seemed to quote it an awful lot._ _

__Remus was a wolf. They didn't talk about that._ _

__They headed down to the shack under James' invisibility cloak and hid in the corner, waiting for Remus to arrive, escorted by Madame Pomfrey._ _

__"You'll be alright, dear, yes?" She said and sat him down on the edge of the mouldy mattress._ _

__Remus gulped, "yeah." He'd go through the transformation hundreds maybe thousands of times in his life, yet he didn't think he'd ever get used to it._ _

__"Good boy," she patted his shoulder, but to Remus it felt like a truck had hit him - all his senses were extra sensitive around this time._ _

__Madame Pomfrey left. As soon as they heard Remus hiss, they transformed into their animals. Lyra turned around; she could never stomach watching this part; simply the pained cries were enough to send her queasy._ _

__She stayed close to Padfoot until the anguished screams of Remus turned into the piercing howls of Moony. She turned around. It was horrible, but God, he was so beautiful._ _

__Moony growled at them, teeth bared, haunches raised as he prowled closer, sniffing them. Once he was satisfied, Padfoot ran circles around him and Prongs led them out and into the Forbidden Forest where they explored and ventured further each moon._ _

__When they woke up in the morning, Lyra stayed in her fox form, facing away whilst Sirius went to him with clothes to give him privacy. She turned back once he was dressed and was happy to see he was scratch free, just a little bruised. Obviously he was going to be in pain, what else could you expect after your bones had broken and reconstructed twice in the space of 12 hours?_ _

__Sirius and James helped him to the bed before leaving with Lyra and Peter. They weren’t to be caught in the shack, but they could come back at breakfast time to visit him._ _

__It was 7 o'clock when they decided it was an appropriate time to go and visit him._ _

__"Boys!" Madame Pomfrey scolded. "Oh, and girls. You shouldn't be here! He's not well and you need to get to class."_ _

__Lyra opened her mouth but shut it quickly. She was going to say how he was fine and had no scratches but that would have exploited them all._ _

__"We'll take notes for you, Re!" Lyra shouted._ _

__Behind the curtains, a weak 'thank you' replied._ _

__In a huff, the four of them left for Transfiguration. That was a more practical lesson that Remus would sadly miss and there weren't many notes to take._ _

__It wasn't fair on Remus. He deserved so much better, Lyra thought._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is you’re my best friend by queen


	3. [three, november 1976]

_You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen  
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine  
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life ___

__:::_ _

__November, 1976_ _

__"Oi, Swiper."_ _

__Lyra turned, suppressing an eye roll, to find the source of her calling._ _

__Sirius._ _

__"Yes, dear brother?"_ _

__"Guess what?" He said, sidling up to her and grinning._ _

__"What?"_ _

__"I said guess."_ _

__"No._ _

__"Fine, spoil sport," he said. "You know how we've not had an ingenious prank in ages?"_ _

__"You mean since the slip 'n' slide last week? Yeah."_ _

__"Shush. Anyway," he continued, "Remus is a naughty little marauder and suggested we swap the Slytherin's soap for frogspawn soap," he smirked._ _

__"Brilliant," she grinned. "How?"_ _

__"Easy. We'll just say we want to see Regulus."_ _

__"Uh," Lyra said unsurely. "I'm not certain he wants to be seen with us. We might hurt his pride."_ _

__"Well, he likes you. I'll follow you under James' cloak and swap the soaps. Just catch up with him, tell me anything interesting," Sirius said._ _

__"He likes you too," Lyra said hurriedly. Sirius didn’t look like he believe her. She pursed her lips before hooking their arms together and walking to potions where Sirius would drop her off and go to his own class._ _

“Oi! Get off you bloody fucking prat!” Remus’ voice rang out and echoed through the corridor as he stumbled around the corner. Lyra and Sirius turned to look at him, stifling a laugh. 

“Mr Lupin!” McGonnagall scolded. “Language.”

“Sorry professor,” Remus said with a slight smile. He wasn’t sorry at all. “Hello,” he addressed Lyra and Sirius. 

“What was that about?” Sirius grinned. 

“Slytherin’s hit me with a tickling charm,” Remus said. “I’ll get the bastards next time.”

“Mr Lupin!”

——

__That's night, they executed the prank. James was giddy with anticipation and really want to participate, but was content with waiting. Just the thought of Slytherins screaming and being traumatised from little tadpoles in their soap bottles amused him. He played gobstones with Peter to pass time._ _

__Sirius and Lyra walked casually towards the Slytherin common room, Sirius under the cloak. She reached the door and thumped on it. It swung open after a couple and she almost punched right through the person._ _

__"What?" Crouch hissed._ _

__Lyra made a show of wiping his spittle off her face. "I need to speak to Regulus, it's important."_ _

__"Why would he want to speak to you?"_ _

__"I dunno, maybe because he's my brother? Just because he pretends I don't exist in school doesn't mean we don't talk when all your judging isn't there."_ _

__Crouch didn't notice, but Lyra heard a slight noise behind her, from Sirius. A slight, muffled laugh._ _

__"You-" Crouch began but didn't._ _

__Lyra smirked. "You want to call me a mudblood, don't you? Too bad."_ _

__Crouch glared at her but shouted for Regulus._ _

__"Thanking you," she said dryly and pushed passed him into the common room, invisible Sirius in tow. "Reg!"_ _

__"Hello?" he frowned. "What're you doing here."_ _

__"Can I not come visit my brother?"_ _

__"Well, yeah, I mean..."_ _

__Lyra looked up and saw a floating thumbs up near the boys' stairs. It was hard not to smile._ _

__"So, how've you been? What've you been up to?" Lyra quizzed. She rarely spoke to Regulus so she she was going to make the most of it, despite the massive distraction that was this visit._ _

__"Fine, not much," he replied, eyeing her sceptically. "You?"_ _

__"Well, tormenting Snape has been pretty fun," she grinned._ _

__Regulus rolled his eyes. "If you've come here to brag about bullying my friends, you can leave now," he pointedly made a disappointed face, but there was a severe lack of malice._ _

__"Okay, okay, um," she searched her brain for a conversation point. Oh! "It's Sirius' birthday soon. Fancy coming to Gryffindor for a bit?"_ _

__"I wouldn’t be caught dead there, I don't think so," he said, words dripping with sarcasm. He had a small smirk, almost a smile, and Lyra warmed inside, grinning back. She always missed Regulus. Even when they were at home together for the whole summer, it didn't feel like it did when they were kids._ _

__"Ple-ease," she begged. "He'd love to see you."_ _

__"He wouldn't."_ _

__Lyra frowned. "Of course he would. We both would."_ _

__Regulus didn't know Sirius was standing on the stairs just meters away. Did he really think Sirius didn't want him around? He almost blew his cover in protest, but didn't, tapping Lyra's shoulder on the way past to alert her of his completion._ _

__"Please come," Lyra said. "The third, if you change your mind."_ _

__With that she got up and left._ _

__Regulus frowned. "So that's it?"_ _

__"What?"_ _

__"You came here just to tell me you bully Snape-"_ _

__"-You say that like he doesn't bully us-"_ _

__"-and shout at me about Sirius?"_ _

__"I..." That one stumped her._ _

__Regulus pinched his nose. "Sirius? Or is it James this time?"_ _

__Lyra's eyes shifted to her side for a second. "No idea what you mean," she shrugged and turned to leave._ _

__They stepped out and Sirius unveiled himself. "That was close," he grinned._ _

__"Yeah," Lyra said, smiling. Her heart had sped up. God she missed that feeling. Pranking and feeling like she was living on the edge._ _

__They walked back to the common room where they found a giddy James and a nervous Peter._ _

__"So?!" James said, too loudly. "You did it?"_ _

__"Oui," Lyra said and collapsed onto the sofa. "And Sirius is having a party for his birthday."_ _

__"Wouldn't have it any other way," Remus grinned._ _

__——_ _

__On Sirius' birthday, Lyra got up at precisely 00:00 to go and jump on him. Apparently, that was also the intention of the other marauders. When she knocked, it was drowned out by Sirius yelling 'Prongs! Get off!!'_ _

__She opened the door and grinned. Remus sat on the end of their bed and Peter on his own as James practically smothered Sirius with a pillow._ _

__"Pillow fight!" Peter yelled. It was probably a bit too loud so Lyra cast a silencing spell and joined in.  
Twenty minutes later they were all red faced and sweaty. _ _

__Remus smiled at them all. "Come and cool down with a card game or something. We don't want to be exhausted for somebody's birthday party tonight."_ _

__Sirius clapped his hands excitedly. They played Cuckoo and Chase The Ace and Gin Rummy until Peter had fallen asleep on the floor, and Sirius snuggled right up to James. James himself had his head on Lyra's leg and she had hers on Remus'. It was rather cramped, but Lyra didn't mind. She loved them really._ _

__They woke up in a tangle of limbs ("Sirius your toe is up my arse," and "Who's feet am I lying on? I've gone nose blind!") and thank Merlin it was only a Friday. The best day for parties, in the marauders' opinion._ _

__Classes and dinner went by in a flash and at 7 o'clock, when they all met up in the common room, they were more than happy to start preparing._ _

__"James take Sirius upstairs whilst we prepare," Peter said. "Then there'll be at least a little element of surprise."_ _

__James complied as he took a very excitable Sirius to their room and left Lyra, Remus and Peter to get ready. Lyra conjured up some balloons but was having a hard time tying them._ _

__"Here, let me help," Remus took them from her. He did it with ease, long slender fingers working their magic. Lyra had never noticed his hands before, but they were very mesmerising._ _

__"Thanks," she grinned and took them back off him, hanging them in various places. "I assume the whole of the house will be here, don't you? I invited Reg, too, though I don't know if he'll come."_ _

__Remus nodded. "Yeah. Gryffindors don't blow off parties, no matter what the cause."_ _

__Lyra hummed in agreement._ _

__She noticed something. James and Sirius were chaotic, and Remus could be just as bad, but he was more placid and easy to be around. Lyra made a note to hang out with just him more often, a break from the loud nature of James and Sirius._ _

__If she's honest, she doesn't know why or how they don't spend that much time together. She became an animagus for the boy, for God's sake. Maybe it was just how things flowed. She'd start making an effort to see him more now at least._ _

__Half an hour later, they were well and truly prepared. Bottles of butter beer and pumpkin juice spread out against a table with an extension charm attached, and Remus had bewitched a banner to say 'happy birthday Pads' in flaming letters._ _

__Satisfied, Lyra let Peter go and call them down. The Gryffindors already there (which was actually quite a lot) hid, ready to jump out._ _

__James walked Sirius down the stairs, hands over his eyes. The second he took them off, people jumped out from everywhere and he shrieked in delight._ _

__He hugged Lyra and Remus (for extra long) and Lyra felt herself get irrationally jealous, but she pushed it down and enjoyed herself._ _

__Dancing Queen starting playing through make shift speakers and Sirius was squealing with delight._ _

__"Oh, James, look! This song! They made it about me, Prongs, about me!"_ _

__——_ _

__Three hours in and Sirius was wasted._ _

__"Where the fuck did you get firewiskey from?" Remus slurred, not too sober himself._ _

__"Oh, you know," Sirius purred. "I know a guy."_ _

__Lyra frowned at the odd tone of her brother as she watched him climb on top of Remus and just sit their. Remus was dazed and out of it; he didn't seem to mind; Sirius does the same to James all the time._ _

__Lyra went to go and talk to Koley who was tying her long blonde hair back as she talked to Mary in low tones._ _

__"Hi," Lyra greeted. They waved back. "Great party. Tired though."_ _

__"Same," said Mary and leaned against Lyra for support. "Bed?"_ _

__"Yeah," Lyra agreed. "Just let me tell these plonkers."_ _

__Sirius was now passed out on Remus so she shouted down James' ear - the only, surprisingly, sober one out of the lot of them - and he acknowledged that._ _

__Just as she was about to leave, she saw Regulus standing in the doorway and had to do a double take. She looked across the room to Koley and Mary and motioned for them to go without her._ _

__She went over to him. "Reg? You came!" She said excitedly._ _

__"Yeah," he said awkwardly, "but it's not exactly my scene. Where's Sirius?"_ _

__"Uh..." She pointed to Sirius who seemed to be gaining consciousness slowly._ _

__"Right," he said._ _

__"Come!" Lyra said, eager and awake now Regulus was here. "You've met Remus and James, haven't you? And Peter?"_ _

__He nodded and accepted the drink James pushed towards him. Regulus looked dazed for a minute but snapped out of it, looking at the cup strangely._ _

__"Don't worry, James hasn't drank. It's just butterbeer," Lyra assured him. He nodded and drank it, almost shivering as his stomach spread with warmth. He thanked James politely and started talking._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is dancing queen by ABBA


	4. [four, december 1976]

_Drop a toaster in my bath, watch my mum and dad laugh  
See a thousand volts go through the son they wish they never had ___

__:::_ _

__December, 1976_ _

__Sirius, Lyra and Regulus were all expected home at Christmas. The marauders were sat in their compartment, gloomily talking about where they wish they were doing instead._ _

__"I don't see why you can't stay with me," James tutted. "What's her problem?"_ _

__"If only I knew the answer," Lyra sighed._ _

__"I second that," Sirius said, throwing James' snitch up and down in the air, sprawled across him._ _

__Lyra caught Remus' eye and gave him a weak smile which he returned. Remus and Peter got to visit James, why could they? Why couldn't they all be together? It wasn't fair - you did not split up the marauders._ _

__"It's only two weeks, and we have each other, Swiper," Sirius sighed. Lyra grunted in response. "Oh, don't sulk. You're my only light in the holidays. I can't have that."_ _

__The train screeched to a halt in Kings Cross. Lyra looked outside and gave her parents' turned backs a withering stare. She sighed. "C'mon. Let’s get this over with."_ _

__James patted her shoulder and stood up too. "Wish you could stay with us. I really do."_ _

__"We know," Sirius said. "Us too."_ _

__Lyra followed Sirius out, putting up a stoic guard for Walburga and Orion. Regulus was out not long after, proper as ever. Lyra pulled a face at him behind their parents and Regulus looked vaguely amused - she hadn't lost her brother yet._ _

__"Lyra," Walburga snapped as she caught her grinning at Regulus who was now as inscrutable as them. "Behave."_ _

__Lyra bowed her head and walked with them, keeping her eyes away from others. They got to platform 9 and 3/4 where she had to side-long apparate._ _

__"Take my arm," Orion said. "We'll come back for you, Sirius."_ _

__Lyra was sure she was the only one that heard his, 'I bloody 'ope not.'_ _

__In a queasy whirl, she clung to her fathers arm as they disapparated to Grimmauld Place. Walburga and Regulus appeared next to her, not even a hair out of place and Orion went back for Sirius._ _

__Lyra shuddered - apparating was nasty business. She entered the house and brought her trunk upstairs as quietly as possible - she wanted to keep on the down low and get as few punishments as possible._ _

__Regulus was his usual, timid self, in contradiction to Sirius who stormed into the house like they were still partying in the common room. God, he was living on a death wish._ _

__Lyra dumped her stuff in her room and flopped on her bed. This was going to be a long two weeks._ _

__——_ _

__"Manners," Orion reminded Lyra as her elbows touched the dinner table._ _

__Sirius laughed. "Swiper knows no such thing as table manners," he drawled._ _

__Lyra and Regulus both shot him a warning look._ _

__"Excuse you?" Walburga said, with all the elegance of the angel and all the burning hatred of the devil. "Swiper?"_ _

__It took all Lyra's strength not to bury her face in her hands and groan. She wished the floor would open up and swallow her whole._ _

__"Inside joke," Sirius winked at his mother._ _

__"Who do you think you are?" Walburga spat. Steam may as well have been bursting from her ears._ _

__"Uh, I’m...Sirius?"_ _

__"Do you think that's appropriate?"_ _

__"What?"_ _

__"Winking," she said the word with such disgust that even Lyra felt bitter, "at me. Across the dinner table. Is that respectful to you?"_ _

__"Well," Sirius smirked, "it's hella respectable where I'm from-"_ _

__"NO!" Walburga stood and shrieked. "YOU, MUCH TO MY DISTASTE, ARE FROM THE HOUSE OF BLACK. GET OUT!"_ _

__Sirius recoiled and began to stand._ _

__"Wait. In the drawing room," she ordered and Sirius made a haste exit. Once Sirius had gone, she addressed Regulus. "In advanced, mon fils, I'm very sorry. This isn't fair on you, but it's the only way." She paused, then, "please wait with your brother."_ _

__Regulus shot Lyra a worried, confused look but obeyed with ease. Lyra was waiting to be told to join them but instead Walburga sat back down and the remainder of them proceeded to eat in complete silence._ _

__After dinner, Lyra busied herself with taking her laundry to the house elves._ _

__"Kreacher!"_ _

__A grizzly, wrinkled house elf appeared by her feet and she pointed to the pile of clothing. "Washing, please."_ _

__She really didn't need to say please, after all, he was 'just a house elf', but it was human decency. Plus, Regulus had taken a liking to Kreacher so there mustn't be anything wrong with using her P's and Q's._ _

__She went to shut her door but froze in her tracks. What the fuck was that._ _

__Then it happened again._ _

__A scream._ _

__A scream of pain._ _

__She recognised the voice and rushed towards the drawing room. She flung open the door to see Regulus writhing on the floor as if bolts of electricity continued to strike him._ _

__"Mother!" Lyra shrieked as she traced the beam of the spell to it's caster._ _

__Sirius was white washed, flat against the wall, unable to move or speak. He had blood dribbling down from the leg of his pants and onto the floor. If Lyra wasn’t so occupied with the fact that her brothers were being tortured, she would find it amusing that Walburga’s oh so dear antique floors are being stained with her sons fluids._ _

__"Stop!" Lyra screamed._ _

__"Lyra," Walburga said. "Please leave-"_ _

__"No! You can't just-"_ _

__"DO NOT. INTERRUPT ME." She boomed. "Sirius has to learn a lesson. The only way that seems to be possible is through you and Regulus. You're too weak for this, so with deep regrets, I chose Regulus. Now leave!" She stopped torturing Regulus to slam and lock the door in Lyra's face with her wand._ _

__Lyra pounded on the door but to no avail as she was just ignored._ _

__"Are you going to learn to honour our family, Sirius?" Walburga leered, muffled by the thick wooden door. Tears still sprung to Lyra's eyes. "Toujours Pur?"_ _

__Sirius didn't respond, and instead Lyra's ears were met with another pain filled scream._ _

__"Crucio!"_ _

__"Mother, NO!" Lyra screeched from her side of the door but it was no use. Her shaky hands fumbled for her wand as she spoke a string of complex unlocking spells to get the door open. After a frantic twenty seconds, she managed to prise it open in time to see Sirius roll across the floor to the fireplace and knock some floo powder from the mantle piece into the hearth._ _

__"Potter residence!" he shouted._ _

__And with that he faded into the flames and disappeared._ _

__Lyra looked from her mother to Regulus who was no lying motionless on the floor. When she spoke her voice was hoarse and almost a whisper. "How could you?"_ _

__——_ _

__Peter, Remus and James looked up at a loud, deafening clatter. They were playing an intense game of chess which made the commotion form the kitchen even louder._ _

__Peter's head snapped up and Remus jumped. James looked at them panicked before rising and dashing to the kitchen._ _

__"Ma, what was- Sirius!!"_ _

__Peter and Remus glanced at each other and rushed after him._ _

__"Padfoot! What the hell! What happened?" Remus yelped and fell to the floor to help him._ _

__Sirius was lying a foot away from the fireplace he'd tumbled out of. He had a bloody lip and leg and was clutching at his side, groaning and crying out in pain._ _

__"Ma! Kitchen! Quick!" James shouted._ _

__Euphemia came into the kitchen and gasped at Sirius' poor state. "Oh, honey." She rolled him flat on his back. "Try and get up with me, okay? I won’t lie, it'll probably hurt."_ _

__Sirius let out a strangled noise but Euphemia supported him and took him to a spare room._ _

__"Boys, I think it's best if you turn in for the night," Fleamont said to Remus and Peter who were too shaken to even think about arguing. Not that anyone ever argued with Fleamont Potter._ _

__"I'll go home and check in tomorrow, sir," Peter said sheepishly. They were neighbours so it made sense. Remus, on the other hand, climbed the stairs with a pit of worry and guilt in his stomach._ _

The scars you left.

__The next day Remus and James sat by Sirius' bedside. They'd been there since Euphemia let them at six o'clock. Sirius had been sleeping (induced by a potion) like a dead weight and it unnerved Remus._ _

__"Bloody 'ell," Sirius grumbled. "Who's funeral is it? Hope it isn't mine."_ _

__Remus' eyes shot up. "Oh, you prick! You're okay!"_ _

__"'Course I am," Sirius said roughly, his throat raw yet dry from screaming._ _

__"Fuckin' 'ell, mate," James said and Sirius felt warm knowing that James looked as if a lifetimes worry eased from his face at just hearing his voice. "Don't do that to me," James groaned and covered his face with his hands._ _

__Sirius reached out towards him and grinned, "not getting rid of me that easy."_ _

__——_ _

__Lyra tended to Regulus at Grimmauld Place. She never wanted to witness anything like that again though she's sure this won't be the last. She swallowed past the thickness that formed in her throat at the thought of her mother eventually resorting to torturing her like that. Would she survive? Mother said she was too weak, so...would it kill her?_ _

__"What did she do to you? Did she Crucio you, too? Please, no. That’s abuse."_ _

__"No," Regulus shook his head. "Patientia doloris. Does the same job, though. Just less extreme."_ _

__"What...what did she use on Sirius?" Lyra regretted it as soon as it was out her mouth._ _

__"Legillimes. Crucio, Diffindo."_ _

__Lyra’s face twisted and she cringed. "She's so cruel."_ _

__Lyra held Regulus’ hand as she redid the bandage on it._ _

__Regulus made a noise of agreement. "We don't get to choose our parents, though."_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is parents by yungblood


	5. [five, january 1977]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more of a filler chapter ,, relationship building :)

_Clowns to the left of me!  
Jokers to the right!  
Here I am stuck in the middle with you. ___

____

____

____

____

__:::_ _

__January, 1977_ _

__They tried to forget the events of Christmas '76, they really did. But it was such an obvious wake up and so vivid in their minds still._ _

__Regulus jerking and writhing on the floor. Sirius screaming his throat raw. Blood. So much blood._ _

__Lyra made sure that she would continue to check up on Regulus, but she was a nervous wreck on the platform. She hadn't seen Sirius since that night. The next day Walburga had written a letter to him saying he was no longer welcome._ _

__He was officially disowned, making Regulus the heir to the most Ancient and Noble House of Black._ _

__Lyra hoped he was okay. She tried checking in, but the Potter's house wasn't plotted. They had wards up, like the Black's house, because rumours of war had started. Lyra wasn't really fazed, but oh how she'd grow to wish that was still true in the years to come._ _

__She was early, escaping her parents quickly and giving Regulus an apologetic face. She sat in the marauders' compartment and waiting nervously._ _

__They appeared soon, laughing and smiling like nothing else in the world mattered. Relief flooded her._ _

__"Hi guys," she said and each of them greeted her._ _

__And, wow. Remus had a new haircut. That was new. And had he grown? A sharper jawline, maybe? He looked different. Good different. Lyra wasn't sure._ _

__Peter unloaded pockets full of sweets he'd received at Christmas onto the table._ _

__"Okay, don't eat so much this time!"_ _

__——_ _

__Lyra stuck to the promise she made herself - she was going to spend more time with Remus. They sat playing chess on the common room floor, sneaking glances at each other. She'd never really admit it, but she was watching him and his fluid movements more than she was paying attention to the game; she'd already lost twice._ _

__"A'ight, Black, concentrate," he said and watched her with avid interest as she decided her move._ _

__She moved her bishop three places and Remus clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "See, you just put yourself in check, so now I can just," he moved his queen to her king, "checkmate."_ _

__"Eugh," she flopped down._ _

__Remus snorted. "Was that noise supposed to be human?"_ _

__"Probably not."_ _

__"Lyra, come o-on," he whined. "Pla- shit," he looked at his watch. "Gotta go. Let's go get Prongs," he gave her a hand up._ _

__"What, you gonna sneak me into your lesson?" Lyra grinned mischievously._ _

__"Ask James nicely and he just might," Remus resigned._ _

__They walked into the common room where Prongs was harassing Lily. Lyra snuck up behind him and jumped on his back._ _

__"Prongs!"_ _

__"Ah!!"_ _

__Remus started laughing uncontrollably. "We've got potions, get a move on."_ _

__"Or a hoof on," Lyra giggled and that sent James into fits of laughter as well._ _

__"Okay, enough with the puns, let's go," Lyra said. "Potions."_ _

__"Oh my Jesus, again?!" James said. "Wait, Swiper, you're not in our year? How can you come to potions?"_ _

__"Yeah, sneak me in?"_ _

__James gasped with faux shock. "Oh you devil! Let's go."_ _

__"Wait, are you actually?!" Lyra giggled._ _

__"I don't see why not. Slughorn said you're already ahead of our year and that's you'll probably be moving into our class you're that much of a bloody genius," James said._ _

__"That's true," Lyra smiled. Slughorn had told her for the last couple of lessons that she'd been doing great, almost as good as Remus who was doing quite good in his potions class._ _

__Remus._ _

__As she'd been hanging out with him more, she was beginning to think it a bad idea as she began to find herself becoming more and more attracted to him. They were friends, for fuck's sake, and she wasn't going to ruin that. She knew she couldn't live without him at this point. Without any of them._ _

__"What lesson are you supposed to be in, Swiper?" James pulled her out of her inner babble._ _

__"Oh, uh, flying, I think," she replied._ _

__James gasped dramatically. "LYRA SWIPER BLACK! You actually even thought about missing flying? And for potions?!"_ _

__Lyra rolled her eyes but she was smiling. "I guess I'll see you later then, yeah?"_ _

__"I'll walk you," James said. (The marauders were quite protective of her like that, despite her saying 'I'm fine, just because I'm a woman?!' only to be countered with 'yes but you might get cat-called!') "Remus, tell Slughorn I might be late. I'm going to get out of the detention if I can."_ _

__"It's okay, Prongs, I'll take her," Remus smiled and offered Lyra his arm._ _

__"You sure?"_ _

__"Yeah, I'm a prefect. I'll just say I was helping a lost little first year. He likes me anyways."_ _

__"Suck up."_ _

__"Touché."_ _

__"Okay, we need to go now unless we all want to be late," Lyra tugged on Remus' arm. She liked being close to him. "Bye Prancer!"_ _

__"Up yours!" He hollered back and Lyra smiled._ _

__“Come on, my lost little first year,” Remus said and began walking her._ _

__——_ _

__"Hey, Lyra," Lily smiled, perfectly placid as she returned to the library after her prefect duties._ _

__Lyra gave a half wave in return she was too immersed in her studies to really absorb anything being said. The charms homework Professor Chaiva had set was driving her loopy._ _

__"What work are you doing?"_ _

__"Charms. What's the movement for Aqua Eructo?" Lyra asked._ _

__Lily demonstrated, moving her wand in a series of swishes._ _

__"So, like," Lyra tried to repeat what she did. "No, wait-"_ _

__She bent her arm the wrong way and dropped her wand._ _

__Lily laughed, "that was actually quite close. Try using your wrist more."_ _

__Lyra tried again and mirrored Lily exactly. "Oh!"_ _

__"You're welcome," Lily smiled. She sat down across from Lyra. "I heard you're moving to our sixth year potions, soon, am I right?"_ _

__"Of course, Evans, you're always right," Lyra said. "Slughorn said I'm almost as good as Remus, but you're top of the class."_ _

__Lily blushed a little. "Yeah. How is Remus?"_ _

__This was precisely the topic she wanted to avoid. She'd been procrastinating defining her emotions and feelings towards him for a long time but she couldn't do that forever. She knew there'd be a point in which she would have to think and talk about it, but she could hope to put it off._ _

__"He's...fine, I guess," Lyra didn't meet her eyes. What a mistake._ _

__"What? What did you do to him?" she asked._ _

__"Nothing!" Lyra rushed and looked away again._ _

__"Then why did you say it like- ...oh," Lily smirked. "Has baby Black got a little crush?"_ _

__"Well, baby Black is what we call Regulus, so I wouldn’t think so,” Lyra stalled._ _

__“You’re avoiding the question.”_ _

__“I’m not.”_ _

__“You are. It’s okay, you know,” Lily said, forcing Lyra to look at her. “You’re allowed to like him.”_ _

__Lyra stilled, wondering if she should still try and deter Lily from her case. That wouldn’t work though. Instead, she sighed, shaking her head. “But I don’t want to.”_ _

__“We don’t always choose who we like,” Lily leaned back in her chair. “We don’t actually have much of a say in the words of the universe.”_ _

__“Wise words,” Lyra joked._ _

__“So,” Lily leaned forwards. “Tell me about him.”_ _

__“My God, I’m not Potter! I’m not obsessed with him,” Lyra cringed. “Sorry.”_ _

__Lily snorted. “I’ll tell you a secret.” Lyra perked up. “I don’t...hate the attention I get off Potter.”_ _

__Lyra gasped with hyperbolised shock. “You sneak!” She grinned. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him. It’s always quite amusing. No offence.”_ _

__“None taken. Okay, so. Remus.”_ _

__Lyra groaned inwardly._ _

__——_ _

__She was still stuck in the library after Lily had left. Now she was completing her divination homework - God knows why she took it, she couldn’t fortune tell for shit. She supposed it’s just something to break up the vitals._ _

__“What do we have here, social reject?”_ _

__Lyra looked up bleary eyed, tea leaf charts still floating in front of her vision. She blinked._ _

__Snape._ _

__Disgusting._ _

__“What do you want, Snivellus?” Lyra asked._ _

__“Nothing. Regulus just wanted to thank you for the frogspawn,” he smiled wryly, fake. “He’s waiting for you outside.”_ _

__Lyra rose, sceptical. She wandered down the body of the library and stuck her head outside the door. She looked left and right but there was no Regulus in sight. “Reg?”_ _

__No reply._ _

__Lyra frowned and went back to the table. Snape was gone, and all of her stuff was still how she left it._ _

__Strange. But then again, that’s all Snape was._ _

__She scooped her books into a bag and shrugged on her cloak, ready to go and troop back to the dorms through the snow. It just seemed to keep coming and it was more irritating than fun at this point. James still considered it perfect weather for quidditch, though._ _

__She felt quite hot and bothered by the time she reached the portrait. Her stomach flipped when she saw Remus. Sirius was there too, giving Remus unnecessary attention, but Lyra didn’t pay attention to that. She down and planned to go over her homework one last time._ _

__She started shifting uncomfortably. Why were her clothes so damn itchy?_ _

__“Moony, darlin’, can you help me with this,” she held up her divination chart, trying to distract herself from her discomfort._ _

__“Sure,” he nodded and moved down a seat._ _

__Lyra started scratching at her arms and her thighs. Was she dying?_ _

__James came in loudly and tackled Sirius. They tumbled about and when James recovered, he looked up grinning and Lyra her and Remus. He looked at her arm and said, “woah, Swiper, you’re bleeding. What did you do?”_ _

__Sirius snapped his head up at that and went over to her. “Merlin, Lyra, you’ve scratched your arms raw!”_ _

__She looked down and her red arms. There was some blood under her nails, too. “Shit.”_ _

__“What’s wrong?”_ _

__“I don’t know, I’m really- like, warm,” she took her cloak off. She felt all funny. Then her face dropped. “Oh you bastard!”_ _

__“Excuse me?”_ _

__“Snape!”_ _

“Snape?”

“Snape!”

“Why are we shouting Snape? It’s not attractive.”

__“He got me back for the frogspawn!” Lyra yelled. “He told me Regulus wanted ‘to thank me’ and to speak to me because of the frogspawn thing. He must have put itching powder in my cloak when I wasn’t there!”_ _

__“Oh we are so getting him back,” Remus grinned fiercely._ _

__“Okay, I need a shower. I’m taking my bag back, as well. I left it in your room last week,” Lyra said and got up to go and shower, washing the itchy Snape-ness off of herself._ _

__Sirius levitated her cloak away from them and onto some poor third years chair and James struggled to contain his laughter._ _

__A small while later, a loud scream came from the girls dorms._ _

__“James! (How did you even-) THIS IS FROGSPAWN SOAP!” Lyra hollered and James looked alarmed. The marauders dissolved into laughter._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is stuck in the middle with you by stealers wheel  
> \- thank you for reading this far <3


	6. [six, february 1977]

_Love is in the air_  
Love is in the air  
Oh, oh, oh, oh __

__:::_ _

__February, 1977_ _

__“AH!” Lyra squeaked as her card exploded. She flung her hands to her face. “Did that just get my eyebrow?!” She demanded._ _

__Peter wheezed, “might’ve singed it a little.”_ _

__“Rude.”_ _

__“Oh!” Peter said suddenly, red faced. “Did I tell you about Yvonne?”_ _

__“Ee-who?”Lyra asked._ _

__“Evi.”_ _

__“Eh-who?”_ _

__“My girlfriend,” Peter smiled._ _

__“What?! Go Pete,” Lyra punched his arm supportively. He flushed with pride. “I haven’t heard her name before, is she new?”_ _

__“She transferred from Beaubatons in September,” he smiled. “You remember Quinn, right? From Ravenclaw?”_ _

__Lyra nodded. She remembered being partners with Quinn on a herbology project. Ze was very smart, of course, and ze was at a party once, too. If Lyra remembers correctly, it was when Ravenclaw won the quidditch cup._ _

__“Well, ze introduced us. The three of us worked together in Astronomy and she’s so nice, and pretty!”_ _

__“Way to go, Wormtail,” Lyra cheered. “Can I meet her?”_ _

__“Of course,” Peter said, almost shaking with seratonin. “Now?”_ _

__“I don’t see why not.”_ _

__Peter packed the cards away, repairing the one that blew up in Lyra’s face and was still smoking. He put the pillow he was sat on back on the sofa and took the lead._ _

__“She’s in Hufflepuff so she told me how to get in the common room,” Peter stopped. “Although she didn’t tell me how to get there. She might’ve mentioned it’s a little nook down this corridor, I think.”_ _

__Peter pointed down a corridor._ _

__“Let’s go check, shall we?”_ _

__Peter nodded and they went towards the common room. Or what hopefully was. Peter knocked on the door hidden in the little alcove before going in._ _

__“Uh, hello?” Came a girls voice._ _

__Lyra waved in that general direction, she couldn’t actually see the person. Suddenly, someone rose from the chair and turned to face them. She was beautiful; long black hair and brown eyes, pale skin and slim legs._ _

__“Who are you?” she asked._ _

__“I’m Peter, is, uh, is Yvonne here?”_ _

__“She’s upstairs, I’ll get her,” the girl replied._ _

__“Thank you, uh...”_ _

__“Dao,” she said with an Asian accent that Lyra wasn’t even going to attempt because she’d butcher it horribly. Instead, she inclined her head in thanks._ _

__A minute later, Dao reappeared with Yvonne and she was as pretty as Peter had said. She ran forwards and flung herself at Peter._ _

__“Peter! Hello!” she said happily. Peter smiled, chuffed._ _

__“Oh, hello, I don’t think we’ve met,” Yvonne addressed Lyra who shifted awkwardly._ _

__"No. Lyra, _enchantée, _" Lyra held out her hand.___ _

_____“Tu parles Français?” ____ _ _ _

______Lyra nodded._ _ _ _ _ _

_______"Incroyable!" _Yvonne said jovially.__ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I didn’t know that,” Peter whispered, eyebrows raised in shock. Lyra shrugged._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lyra didn’t really have an opinion on Yvonne. She seemed quite nice, but who was she to judge Peter’s taste in girls anyway?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________——_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“That won’t work because that passage way for blocked,” Remus said and pointed out on the map an alternative._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“If you’re going to Hogsmeade just use the one eyed witch one, that ones fine, right?” Peter suggested._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I suppose, but Mr Honeyduke almost caught us last time,” James frowned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sirius laughed at the memory. “God, that was funny. Remember, Moony?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Remus nodded, not paying him much attention to which Sirius sulked further. “I think we should just wing it. Who’s going?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Me!” Sirius said all too eager._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I vote Moony and Swiper,” James said. “They don’t make as much noise as you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oi, cheeky twat,” Sirius flicked his ear and glared._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Plus, Remus never gets caught,” Peter added._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lyra and Remus looked at each other at the same time. Butterflies. She nodded. “I’ll go. Moony?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Sure thing, foxy,” he winked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lyra hid her face and James gasped, “Moony, you flirt!” He gave him a noogie. “Didn’t know you had it in you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Pack it in, it was a joke,” Remus laughed. “Piss off.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Well, it’s a date,” Lyra said back. Remus looked at her quizzically but complied nonetheless. “Later?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, now!” Sirius said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lyra shrugged. “Potter I need your cloak, love.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________James scurried under his bed, feeling about for it. He was consumed by the dark and casted lumos. It wasn’t very helpful considering the cloak itself was invisible._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Aha, got it,” James said and rose it in the air. It was quite funny because it looked like there was nothing there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Cheers. Come on, Remus, let’s go,” Lyra urged and pushed him towards the door. Sirius gave her a dirty look. “Stop frowning before the wind changes and your face gets stuck like that, Black.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The last thing she heard as she left was James howling with laughter._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Here, you’re taller, ridiculously so,” Lyra said. “Put this over your head.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Remus took the cloak and put it over the two of them. “Sorry in advance for when I step on you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Right back at you,” Lyra replied. They were so close and her heart was in her throat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They walked down to Honeydukes’ cellar._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Okay, I’ll go up first, see if there’s anyone,” Lyra volunteered. She climbed the steps to the trapdoor and peaked inside. She scanned across the room, level with the floor. “Uh...coasts clear, pretty sure.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Great,” Remus said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They climbed up and into the main shop. The rush of adrenaline from breaking yet another rule made Lyra feel alive._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Stay still,” Remus whispered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He placed his hand and her shoulder and the other one in her hair. He was behind her and it unnerved her that she couldn’t see him. He could probably hear the pounding blood of her pulse._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What’re you doing...?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“One second...got it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lyra turned her head around to see that he had her hairpin in his hand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Bloody ‘ell, you gave me a heart attack!” She whisper-yelled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He hummed in response. “How’s that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The way he looked at her sent heat up her whole body. Sure, he’d looked at her like that her whole life, but now she was conscious of her feelings, everything - even the little things - seemed to be different._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He walked past her and used the pin to fiddle and unlock the door. “We still have the trace on us here. Better safe than sorry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“But it’s a magical village, it could’ve been anyone.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’s midnight, Black, and we’re not mastermind serial killers,” Remus said sarcastically._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Reckon you could be,” Lyra grumbled. “Definitely got the potential.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Remus ignored this remark and ushered her out, closing the door silently behind them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Zonko’s is over there,” he nodded across the street and down a few doors._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lyra scowled. “I know. I’m not an amateur; we do this every week, sweet’eart.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Go, then,” he gave her shoulder a minuscule shove in the direction._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lyra stumbled a step but went anyway. “Work your magic,” she said, and oh, the irony._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Remus locked the lock again and let them inside. “Okay, you have the list of stuff we need, yeah?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Mhm,” she fished it out her pocket. “Extendable ears, U-No-Poo...and I think we’re low on dungbombs as well.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Remus pointed them out on the shelves, “grab a box, then.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lyra tutted. “Stealing, Remus. What have they done to you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Remus scoffed. “I was always like this, they just bring it out in me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They collected what they needed and locked the door back up, going back to Honeydukes, through the passage way and back to the dorm room in record time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Happy Birthday,” Lyra said and charged into the boys’ dorm and dumped everything on the nearest bed; Sirius’._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Legend,” Sirius said and jumped from where he was huddled with James on the other bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What were you two talking ab- ...Sirius what’s wrong with James?” Lyra said cautiously. James was very pale and seemingly frozen on his bed where Sirius had been with him a minute ago._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sirius looked at him and then back to Lyra and Remus, smiling manically. “Lily said yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“WHAT?!” Lyra and Remus said simultaneously. Their eyes were as wide as galleons when they tackled James in a bone crushing hug._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Who knew!?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You sound so surprised,” James said sarcastically and scowled, recovering._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lyra was smiling broad, and she turned to Remus who was too._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Something clicked, she swears._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is love is in the air by John Paul Young


	7. [seven, march 1977]

_You're just too good to be true  
Can't take my eyes off of you  
You'd be like Heaven to touch  
I wanna hold you so much  
At long last, love has arrived  
And I thank God I'm alive  
You're just too good to be true  
Can't take my eyes off of you ___

__:::_ _

__March, 1977_ _

__"It's okay," Lyra said and stroked Remus' hair as he lay on his back on the floor of the shack, now in human form. He smiled up at her, but it turned into more of a grimace._ _

__"James, Peter," Remus said weakly. "You guys can go. I know you have places to be, people to see."_ _

__"Not gonna happen, mate," James said and gave him his mother glare. "We'll meet you in the infirmary after, yeah?"_ _

__Remus didn't have the energy to respond but eventually they all left, Lyra included._ _

__"I know Madame Pomfrey comes, but I always feel so guilty leaving him there like that," she said._ _

__"Swiper, darlin', he doesn't want your pity," Sirius said._ _

__"No I know, it's not pity. Just...horribleness."_ _

__"I know, us too."_ _

__They waited with heavy silence for the clocks to chime 7. Time seemed to go excruciatingly slow when you were waiting on it, like a ticking bomb that's never to explode._ _

__Lyra physically jumped when the usual alarm went off and broke the atmosphere, she ran down to the hospital, the other marauders in tow. She didn't bother knocking, Madame Pomfrey should know by now that they wouldn’t stay away whatever she says._ _

__“Re,” Sirius said, and sat down on one of the stools. He took his hand, “how are you?”_ _

__Lyra sat down on the other stool, glaring at him. What did he think he was playing at? Honestly._ _

__“Fine,” he replied. “Sore, obviously.”_ _

__Lyra observed them for a second and noticed a possibility she hadn’t counted for before. Could he...?_ _

__She shook her head. No. Now was not the time to be thinking about that. Not so close to the moon._ _

__“Go to practice,” Remus said, shaking his hand that was still being held. “I know you need to. And James, you never skip quidditch. Not even in a storm. I’m fine, really. Madame Pomfrey’s done all she can and no offence, I don’t think you’d be able to do much for me. Except provide entertainment.”_ _

__“Are you sure?” James asked, uneasy._ _

__“Yep,” Remus popped the ‘p’._ _

__“Well...see you later, I guess,” Sirius said, put down and scratching his head._ _

__“Don’t you have to see Evi, Peter?”_ _

__“Well, yes,” Peter said, “but it can wait! You’re important too.”_ _

__“Thank you,” Remus smiled. “And you,” he tugged on Lyra’s hair, “I’m not keeping you from anywhere, am I?”_ _

__“I should probably visit Regulus, but I want to stay-“_ _

__“Go. I’ve got Pete.”_ _

__Lyra bit her lip. She didn’t want to leave him in such a vulnerable state. Well, he wasn’t vulnerable, Madame Pomfrey would never leave him if he was, but it always felt like was. So fragile._ _

__“Okay,” she kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you.”_ _

__——_ _

__Lyra looked everywhere for Regulus. She was sure he just disappeared off the face of the earth whenever he felt like it. If Lyra had it her way, she’d be off it permanently._ _

__“Reg?” she said, voice ricocheting off the cavernous, stony walls of the dungeons. “Was that you?”_ _

__She’d heard something in what she thought was an empty classroom._ _

__“Regulu- oh,” Lyra stood still. “How pleasant,” she said dryly, looking at Crouch who was crowded around something besides Regulus. “What’re you doing?”_ _

__“None of your business, blood traitor,” Crouch seethed as he skulked past Lyra and exited the classroom._ _

__“He’s lovely,” Lyra said and walked over to Regulus who slipped a book into his bag in one fluid motion. Lyra didn’t really think anything of it at the time._ _

__“What do you want?”_ _

__“Don’t take that tone with me.” Lyra was shocked. What had she done to warrant that? Surely he didn’t prefer that toe-rag’s company over hers. “I wanted to talk to you. You’re drifting away again.”_ _

__“I’m not drifting anywhere,” he scoffed. “There’s nowhere for me to drift from. I’m the black sheep when it come to you and Sirius. Don’t pretend that’s not the truth. You have your fun without me and I don’t know why you choose to try and make me feel like your brother.”_ _

__“Is that how you really feel?”_ _

__“Yes, if you don’t fucking mind.” With that he swept out of the room._ _

__Lyra was stuck in a concoction of feelings and she didn’t know if she wanted to hex him or cry about it. Instead she did neither; she didn’t think about it; she’d run from her problems if she could and boy did she try._ _

__She busied herself by going to the quidditch pitch. She could probably go and sneak in the hospital and get some private time with Remus, although Peter was probably still there. Sighing, she headed towards where James and Sirius would be zipping about on brooms._ _

__The quidditch stadium never failed to impress. The grand pitch stood thousands of metres wide and the height was infinite. You could see players flipping in and out of the skyline and the clouds as they practiced._ _

__Lyra saw Koley in deep conversation with the Dao Hufflepuff girl she met last month down by the changing room entrance. They looked quite close but Lyra swears she’s never seen Dao before that day (nor with anyone else), let alone met her._ _

__Something swooped dangerously close to Lyra's head and so she shrieked. When she was clear of it, she looked up to see Sirius laughing on his broom, hanging upside down._ _

__“Fancy a spin, Swiper?”_ _

__“I’m good, just came to watch,” Lyra smiled._ _

__“Suit yourself,” Sirius said and swooped away once more._ _

__“Wait!”_ _

__Sirius went back on himself, hovering near Lyra’s head. “Oui?”_ _

__“It’s Remus’ birthday next week.”_ _

__“You thought I’d forget?” Sirius frowned. He started to say something else but James knocked into his side and they crashed into the side of the Ravenclaw stands._ _

__“Prongs, you utter twat! You just broke my neck!”_ _

__“Don’t be so dramatic,” James snorted and brushed himself off. James whistled raucously to get Lyra’s attention and motioned her over. She climbed down the stands and to the boys._ _

__“What were you saying before this moron made his entrance?” Sirius said, breathing heavy. James pushed his head._ _

__“I wanted to see what we’re doing for Moony’s birthday. Any idea?”_ _

__“I asked him about his favourite muggle moovsies a couple of weeks ago,” Sirius said. “We could always watch those. Then again, Gryffindor would probably be disappointed if we don’t have a party.”_ _

__“Well, this is for Rem, not Gryffindor, so they can suck on that. Also, what’s a moovsie?” Lyra questioned._ _

__“You know how our pictures move?” Sirius began and she nodded. “Well, muggle do that too but instead of snapping a photo, they record it and put it on this square thing that you put into an electric thing called a tellivisor.”_ _

__“Oh, cool,” Lyra said._ _

__“The people in the tellivisor moovsies get so much muggle money for it, too! It’s not fair,” Sirius grumbled._ _

__“We’ll escape to the muggle word and become tellivisor stars one day, Siri, I promise,” Lyra slung and arm over her brother’s shoulder and gestured widely with her other._ _

__“I’m already the brightest star in my constellation. Surely being a tellivisor star won’t be that difficult, will it?” Sirius thought out loud._ _

__“‘Course not. Easier than flying. Let’s go and harass Remus for some moovsies, then.”_ _

__“I would,” James began and looked down guiltily, “but I promised Lily I’d meet her.”_ _

__Sirius gasped loudly. “Prongs!” He staggered, “I can’t take this betrayal,” he wailed and Lyra struggled to catch him in time before he fell and smashed his head on the floor._ _

__“Sirius, get up,” Lyra laughed. She sniffed with mock importance, “come, Padfoot, we’ll go find our loyal friends.”_ _

__She turned around with her nose in the air and marched towards the common room where hopefully Remus would have been discharged to by now. Sirius laughed and followed in suit._ _

__——_ _

__Moony’s birthday went as it should’ve. Sirius pulled some expensive looking wine and fire whiskey out from his drawers._ _

__“Where in Godric’s name are you getting this from?!” Remus shouted, but he was laughing too. A beautiful sound._ _

__“The Black wine cellar,” Sirius grinned mischievously. “I’d drink it dry to piss off my parents if it didn’t have deadly repercussions. I may live on the edge sometimes, but I don’t want to die young. I want to live my life as much as possible and die old when I’ve told my grandkids all about my adventures I went on in Hogwarts, and all my auror missions.”_ _

__“Inspiring words, Black,” Lyra raised her glass and drank, crowded at the foot of the boys’ beds in a circle._ _

__“Me too,” James added. “I don’t particularly want to die young, but if I do, I don’t want to just be forgotten. I want to be a hero.”_ _

__He spoke his words with such passion, like a real Gryffindor. It made Lyra smile._ _

__Remus snorted, “I’ll do whatever it takes to get out of this shitshow. Life is pure pain.”_ _

__“Moony!” Sirius scolded. “Don’t talk like that, especially on your birthday.”_ _

__“Okay,” Peter changed the subject. “Remus did you pick out some moovsies for us?”_ _

__Remus turned to him, a fat question mark on his face. “What...?”_ _

__“We told you to pick out some...moovsies...for tonight...?”_ _

__Remus frowned then slowly burst into laughter, rolling backwards onto the bed of pillows laid out across the floor. “Moovsies?” He wheezed. “Do you mean movies?”_ _

__“Sirius!” Peter hit him with a pillow. “You told me it was moovsies that we watch on the tellivisor!”_ _

__That only pushed Remus to laugh further. “What in the world,” his laughs were silent now and Lyra found it so adorable. “Television?”_ _

__“Yes,” Peter buried his hands in his face. “That.”_ _

__Remus composed himself. “Yes, I do have some moovsies, Pete,” he giggled._ _

__“Stop making fun of me!” Peter was starting to go red now._ _

__“Okay, well, I don’t really have any favourites, but I have a few that I think Sirius might like,” Remus winked at him._ _

__“Really?!” Sirius’ eyes lit up and he looked at Remus as if he was the only other person in the world. The way Lyra looked at him. No. This was not how it was supposed to go._ _

__Whatever, she could’ve just been interpreting it wrong. “What are the movies, Remus?”_ _

__“Well, I have Saturday Night Fever, and Jaws. There’s a trailer for Grease that’s being released next year. It has the same guy from Saturday Night Fever in it,” Remus got up and shuffled some tapes about. To Lyra, they were just the squares with pictures in them._ _

__“Which one first?”_ _

__“I wanna see Jaws,” Lyra smiled deviously._ _

__Remus raised his eyebrows. “Thriller junkie? Nice,” he smiled and pushed the tape in._ _

__The four purebloods watched with rapt interest as Remus used a ‘remoterkonterol’ to change what the screen displayed._ _

__“Oh, James!” Sirius hit James arm and pointed, “look! The muggles have their own magic!”_ _

__James grinned and nodded. He took muggle studies and knew roughly how it worked and he thought it was fun to see Sirius like this. It was really sweet and pure. Innocent._ _

__By the time they were half way through, they’d gone through three bottles of beer and Peter had fallen asleep. Or passed out. One or the other. Sirius had buried himself under James’ arm, watching it through his fingers because, ‘no, look, Swiper! They’re going to die! I never want to go near water again.’_ _

__Lyra was fairing quite well herself but there were a few tense parts in which she’d crushed Remus’ hand from squeezing too hard._ _

__“Don’t let go and you’ll break some bones, darlin’,” he said._ _

__Lyra dropped his hand quickly. “Sorry.”_ _

__“‘S okay.” Instead, he put his arm across her shoulders and pulled her to his side. She swallowed. Oh shit._ _

__Then that was it for the rest of the film. She was too distracted by Remus tracing unconscious circles on her shoulder that made her shiver._ _

__However, she was glad she didn’t miss Sirius being scared so much he accidentally turned into padfoot. James laughed so hard he couldn’t breathe._ _

__“Sirius mate, it’s not that bad,” he breathed through laughs._ _

__“Prongs come to the common room with me, I don’t like this. Moony’s evil,” he pouted._ _

__“Why am I evil?!” Remus said, mockingly offended._ _

__“Because you said I’d like them!” Sirius left the room for a breather._ _

__“Fuck’s sake, Black, I’m missing it, now!” James groaned and followed him out._ _

__Lyra was now acutely aware of how close she and Remus were, and that there was no one there. Well, except an unconscious Peter._ _

__She sat up more, and every slight scuffle of their clothes and skin against the floor and pillows seemed to be amplified._ _

__“Remus...” her voice was barely a whisper._ _

__Remus turned to her, eyes dark with dilated pupils, the light of the television flickering in them. She leaned forwards. Their noses bumped and foreheads leaned against each other._ _

__“Happy birthday Remus,” Lyra said and closed the gap between them. Their lips locked in a sweet kiss and Lyra felt the fireworks. This is what she’d been waiting for. For so long. And it was all she’d ever wanted it to be. But after a couple of seconds, Remus pulled away suddenly,_ _

__“Um, I, uh, I’ll go see if Sirius is- is alright,” he stood up and went down the common room stairs._ _

__His heart beat fast. He spoke to himself using his inner dialogue._ _

__Why did he do that?_ _

__Why did he pull away?_ _

__He liked her, did he just fuck everything up?_ _

__But then...there was Sirius..._ _

__Remus shook his head. No. They’d had their fun and secrets but that was a conflict for another day. Remus passed through the common room._ _

__“Moony?”_ _

__“I’m going for a walk, clear my head. See you after.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is can’t take my eyes off you by frankie valli


	8. [eight, april 1977]

_I saw the part of you  
That only when you're older, you will see too  
You will see too_

_Well, you look like yourself  
But you're somebody else  
Only it ain't on the surface  
Well, you talk like yourself  
No, I hear someone else though  
Now you're making me nervous ___

__:::_ _

__April, 1977_ _

__Remus had been avidly avoiding Lyra since his birthday a month ago. This is exactly what she didn't want to happen._ _

__Oh she'd fucked up royally. He never talked to her alone, and if there was a chance either of them were going to be in the room alone together, he'd excuse himself immediately. Lyra must have the signals all wrong; she thought he liked her too._ _

__Lyra waked with her hands in her pockets from the quidditch field. She'd had a go on her broom today, it normally helped to clear her head. But, clearing it wasn't exactly what she needed. She needed to think about it, as much as she was resigned not to._ _

__She went to find Regulus. When she was in first and second year, she used to tell him all about her boy problems. That was before he started distancing himself, though._ _

__"FUCK," Lyra shouted to the empty vicinity in irritation. She kicked at the floor._ _

__"What're yer doin', little missy," a gruff voice from behind her said._ _

__She smiled at the familiarity. Hagrid didn't avoid her. "Hi, Hagrid. Just going for a walk. Annoyed."_ _

__"'Bout what?"_ _

__"It's nothing, really," Lyra shook her head._ _

__Hagrid raised his sluggish eyebrows. "Boys?"_ _

__Lyra sighed. "Yeah, I s'pose. Have you seen Remus or Regulus by any chance."_ _

__"No, sorry there, Lyra," Hagrid said sadly._ _

__"It's okay, Hagrid. I'll see you in Care of Magical Creatures on Monday?"_ _

__"Actually, I migh' not be there. Got to go do some business for Dumbledore," Hagrid stated. "I'll see yer Thursday, though."_ _

__"Okay, bye!" Lyra waved and Hagrid walked off near the Forbidden Forest with a crate full of ugly looking caterpillar things full of boils ready to burst. She looked back to the floor and began kicking some more stones._ _

__"Lyra."_ _

__She turned around at the timid voice to see Remus standing there, fiddling with the loose string on his sleeve. "Moony," she said, almost breathless._ _

__The crease in his brow smoothed out at the mention of his nickname. She wasn't mad._ _

__"We need to talk..." he said gloomily. "Can you come to the library with me?"_ _

__Lyra nodded, more than willing and found herself soon in the middle of the library. It wasn't private, but perhaps that was so she couldn't overreact at what he had to say. Still, she cast a muffling spell around then._ _

__"So...I'm really sorry," Remus said._ _

__"About what exactly," Lyra pursed her lips._ _

__"The, uh, my birthday," Remus swallowed. He couldn't even say it. "And then, not talking to you."_ _

__"It was a bit more than not talking to me, Remus, you avoided me like the plague. I get that you didn't want me to do it now but you could've just talked to me. Do you realise how alone I felt?"_ _

__Remus looked down guiltily. "I'm really sorry, Lyra. Can we, like, agree to just not talk about it? Draw a line under it? Forget about it?"_ _

__"Forget what?"_ _

__Remus' worry dissipated and she smiled at him. "Thank you, Swiper."_ _

__He hugged her tight and they walked back to the common room for some chess._ _

__When they got there Lily was with James who was losing miserably to gobstones._ _

__"I don't understand," he furrowed his brow. "How does your brain work- how does it know where to move? You know a move after every single one of mine!"_ _

__"Hiya," Lyra said. "James is losing again? Pity. I don't think he's ever won a game in his life."_ _

__"Cheers for baiting me out, Black," he said moodily. "You play for me. Remus can you help me with the Defence Against the Dark Arts homework?"_ _

__Remus shrugged and gave her a small smile, going with James._ _

__Lyra sat and Lily grinned. "Your boyfriend stole mine."_ _

__She slapped a hand over her mouth. "Don't. We just, uh, fought. Because of that."_ _

__Lily widened her eyes and nodded, instead beginning a new game. "Do you want to talk about it?"_ _

__"I-I can't," Lyra shook her head. "I promised him I wouldn't."_ _

__“But do you want to?”_ _

__“I...I don’t know. I couldn’t tell you,” Lyra said. When she thought about it, she wanted to voice and express her frustration, but at the same time she wanted to put them in a bottle and throw them away._ _

__Lily didn’t push it further, instead concentrating on the game._ _

__——_ _

__“What do you want this time?” Regulus growled frustratedly._ _

__“Why don’t you talk to me?!” Lyra demanded. She’d been on edge all week and now this. “I don’t hate you! I want to talk to you! I don’t find you on your own out of pity. Do you even realise how long it takes me to find you? It’s like you constantly disappear!”_ _

__Regulus glared at her._ _

__“Why’re you being so secretive?” Lyra asked. She’d been wary of Regulus’ behave for a while now. She’s starting to think he’s up to something and she just hopes it’s got nothing to do with these war rumours. If he’s joining the other side, Lyra doesn’t know what she’ll do with out him. Her brother._ _

__“I don’t have to tell you anything,” he deadpanned._ _

__“Yeah but it’d be nice if you did. It’s not like I’ll tell anyone, I’m not that two faced. I can keep a secret.”_ _

__“Never said you couldn’t.”_ _

__“Who’re you confiding your deepest darkest secrets in, then,” Lyra drawled. “Because it sure ain’t me.”_ _

__“No one. Why would I want to? They could sell me out any day.”_ _

__“Not everyone’s out to get you, y’know,” Lyra frowned._ _

__“Maybe that’s true for you, but so don’t believe in innocence,” Regulus said darkly. “You can’t trust anyone anymore.”_ _

__A war reference. This wasn’t looking good._ _

__“So you can’t trust me?”_ _

__Regulus snorted. “Please, you’re a Gryffindor. I got tortured for you.”_ _

__Lyra looked away - that was a week spot. “Regulus that’s not fair.” ‘He’s your brother too,’ she was about to add but got cut off._ _

__“It bloody is. Do you realise how much pain it caused me?”_ _

__“No, but-”_ _

__“Just stop trying to talk to me.”_ _

__“Regulus, no! I m-”_ _

__“Give it up.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is you’re somebody else by flora cash  
> \- sorry it’s so short - i need a certain amount of chapters to get the timeline more accurate so have a little lyra & reg angst


	9. [nine, may 1977]

_I found out that everybody talks  
Everybody talks, everybody talks_

_It started with a whisper_  
And that was when I kissed her  
And then she made my lips hurt 

__:::_ _

__May, 1977_ _

__Lyra was having a heart attack. OWL's were only weeks away and her study schedule had gone up in flames. Her papers were all over her, Mary and Koley's dorm, the common room, the boys' room. She even left some of her books in the library one time._ _

__"Can y'all help?" She asked James and Sirius as they watched her struggle and nearly drop all her parchment._ _

__"I got it," James and Remus took some of the weight off her._ _

__"Do you need help studying?" Sirius asked._ _

__"Uh, I dunno. Is there anything you can do?" Lyra said. sweeping her hair out of her face._ _

__"Flash cards by memory," Sirius said. "Always worked for me."_ _

__"What do you even need to study?" Peter scowled. "You're Sirius and Regulus' sister, you'll pass everything with flying colours."_ _

__"You seem to care a lot more than these two did, though," Remus said and nodded at James and Sirius. "Winged it because they knew they could."_ _

__Sirius grinned dopily. "You helped us, Moony. You gave us tips and let us copy your homework."_ _

__"Actually I stole someone else's half the time," Remus made the offhanded remark._ _

__"Who's?" Lyra guffawed._ _

__Remus shrugged, "whoever I sit next to. Usually Quinn-... Damn, is that why you got such a good homework record?!" He groaned._ _

__Sirius and Peter burst into laughter. "Oh it's a shame."_ _

__"Peter," Sirius began after he calmed down, "give me my weekly chess training now, yes? I’m bored and tired of feeling useless. Prongs you should probably join too. You're terrible."_ _

__"Rude."_ _

__"True."_ _

__"Touché."_ _

__Lyra sat down on the sofa with a list of incantations for Defence Against the Dark Arts. Remus sat next to her._ _

__"Want practice?"_ _

__Lyra raised one eyebrow. "You want me to disarm you and fling you across the room? Sure."_ _

__"Who said I was bad at defensive spells?" Remus said and quirked his own brow._ _

__"Is that a challenge?"_ _

__"Are you accepting?"_ _

__"Maybe."_ _

__They both got up and stood in opposite sides of the room, bowing to the other. "This your first duel?" Remus asked._ _

__"Well, there's Snape," Lyra snorted._ _

__"Okay, okay," Remus dismissed. "Ready when you are."_ _

___"Expelliarmus!"_ _ _

___"Protego!" ____ _

____They yelled at the same time. Damn, he was better than she thought._ _ _ _

_____"Levicorpus!"_ _ _ _ _

_____"Expelliarmus!" ____ _ _ _

______Lyra's wand spun out of her hand and Remus caught it, jumping and reaching a little before waving it teasingly._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Damn Moony," James said._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Where've you been hiding all this time, sir," Sirius winked._ _ _ _ _ _

______Remus blushed slightly and Lyra shot Sirius a dirty look behind his back._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I haven't, I'm just modest in comparison to you narcissists," Remus smirked._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You wound me," James fell backwards dramatically, hand over his forehead._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Remus!" Sirius said, shocked. "You don't mean that!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Please, I find it hard to fit in the room because your ego is so big," Remus teased and Sirius fell backwards too, disappearing behind the sofa next to James and screeching awfully._ _ _ _ _ _

______"But for real, Remus, you're really good," Lyra spoke kindly._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Thanking you," Remus inclined his head. "Let's go again."_ _ _ _ _ _

______——_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sirius sat in the study hall, right at the back, in the shadows. He had to study for NEWT's, but it was late and people had already gone. He was left alone, until she came in._ _ _ _ _ _

______Lyra Black._ _ _ _ _ _

______In fact, Sirius had gone to study for NEWT's to distract himself and monitor his temper. After what Peter had told him, he wasn't sure if he could contain himself. How dare she? And to his Remus?_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Hi," she slid into the seat across from him, a considerably less amount of study aid on her person. "Why're you sitting in the dark, what's wrong?" She asked._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sirius ignored her, choosing to read his Potions textbook instead._ _ _ _ _ _

______"...Sirius?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______He ignored her again. Who did she think she was, talking to him after what she did?_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Oi! Stop ignoring me!" She shouted and it was deafeningly loud in the echo of the hall. "What is wrong with you?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"You," he looked up and spat. "What else would it be?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Lyra frowned. "What? Padfoot what did I do?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sirius gave a sarcastic, chilling laugh. "Oh don't 'Padfoot' me, Black."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Sirius, wha-"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"You kissed him?! Really?!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Lyra opened her mouth and closed it several times, blanching considerably. "What do you mean? What are you on about?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Don't play dumb with me, I'm not stupid."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Lyra considered lying more. "How would you know?" she asked defensively._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Wormtail told me. Said it was foggy but he knows what he saw," Sirius replied._ _ _ _ _ _

______"What does it have to do with you if I did? It's none of you're business!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yes, it is!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"How?" Lyra shouted. "What's my love life got to do with you?!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Because I-" Sirius paused. He hadn't wanted to put himself in this situation and he didn't intend on outing himself at the moment. Or ever, for that matter. "Because he's our friend! And if you're irrational and do what you want you might divide us!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Lyra looked deeply offended. "Piss off Black." She stood up and left. Who was he to talk to her like that? She was sick of fighting with Regulus and Remus, did Sirius have to be so dramatic?_ _ _ _ _ _

______She passed Remus on her way out, pushing past him without a backwards glance._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Hey! Lyra-"_ _ _ _ _ _

______But it was too late, she'd already disappeared around the corner and out of sight, down another corridor. Remus poked his head through the door into the room she'd just stormed out of to see Sirius with his fist and jaw clenched. What were they fighting about now?_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Pads-"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"WHAT- Oh, it's you," Sirius looked up and Remus flinched at his tone. "Darlin' I'm sorry."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Who else shouted at Remus for him to flinch like that?_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sirius reached out his hand to take Remus'._ _ _ _ _ _

______"What happened with Lyra?" Remus asked, taking Sirius' outstretched hand and sitting down next to him._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sirius grit his teeth and looked away. How did he start this. "'S nothing."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Well, that's a lie if i've ever heard one," Remus gave him his most withering stare._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sirius looked at him hard, determined not to break eye contact. "She kissed you."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Remus' anger bubbled. She said she wouldn't talk about it again. "What?!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I shouted at her because she kissed you," Sirius looked down, guilty._ _ _ _ _ _

______Remus frowned, "how come you aren't shouting at me?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Well, you were the one that didn't want to, I-"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Who said I didn't want to?" Remus asked irritatedly._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Well, she said you told her to forget about it, so, well...I just assumed, I guess."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Well stop assuming. I did want it. But I can't let something as futile as 'love' get in the way of our friendship. Because lovers come and go and you fall out, but friends? You're for life," Remus said, speaking quickly now. He'd calmed and sat down._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sirius felt hurt. Love is futile? He didn't want to get into relationships with people he was already friends with? Well that was a slap in the face. "Moony, what do you mean? You don't believe in true love?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Sirius you're really missing the point here, that's-"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"No, explain to me," Sirius faced him._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Love," Remus began, and turned to stretch his legs and lean against the table, looking at the ceiling. "Is dead."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"So, no soulmates, nothing? You don't think you have a soulmate?" Sirius asked. He'd always thought there was someone for everyone, and he may have made a little wish on a star for his to be a certain werewolf._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Nope," Remus enunciated._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You said it’s dead," Sirius said and Remus nodded. "As in, it once was. Alive, I mean. But now it's not."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"That's right."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"How do you mean?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Well," Remus said up now, talking animatedly. “It had to have existed once, otherwise the whole ideology of love would never have existed. But today, there’s too much hatred and greed and lust for it to survive. The seven deadly sins.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Time seemed to screech to a halt for Sirius as he looked at love from a whole new perspective. “That was deep. So, you aren’t willing to risk stuff for love?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why when it’s all a myth anyway?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“So you’d never love someone? Like,” Sirius stopped. He chose to phrase what he was going to say differently. “Like...Lyra?” It was so unbearable to say._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t think I could ever,” Remus sighed, but then his face contorted in anger once more. “That sneak- she’s made me so mad.” He got up, “catch you tonight.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Remus made a beeline for the common room. He stomped through the portrait and up the stairs to the dormitory. Lyra and James were doing homework._ _ _ _ _ _

______“James get out,” Remus said, staring with determination at the floor._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Remu-“_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Out!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Jame raised his hands in surrender and left hastily. Lyra looked at him with nervousness._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You said you wouldn’t talk about it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Lyra looked down. She didn’t respond._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You said you wouldn’t talk about it!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“OKAY I KNOW AND I’M SORRY!” Lyra said, she looked close to tears and Remus hated it when people cried. Sometimes they played that to their advantage to win the argument but he wasn’t letting this go. “He brought it up and I didn’t know how to handle it. He was accusing me and I denied it but-“_ _ _ _ _ _

______“But you’d still proceeded to talk about it. “Nice, Black. Real mature. Remus slammed the door on his way out._ _ _ _ _ _

______“DON’T GO!” Lyra tried but it was too late. “I can’t lose you both in one night,” she whispered to herself, trying so very hard to make the tears go away. Because, after this, surely James and Peter should take their side._ _ _ _ _ _

______She collected all the things of hers that had amalgamated in the boys’ room over the year and took them to her own. She won’t be going back there for some time, she thought._ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- lyra’s being dramatic to the level of sirius 👀  
> \- song is everybody talks by neon trees  
> \- just checking in; how are you?  
> \- i just got a meningitis vaccine - it didn’t hurt but i can’t feel my arm :’)


	10. [ten, june 1977]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw:  
> \- slur (dunno if it is anywhere else but it counts in the uk)

_I don't wanna lose you now  
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me  
The vacancy that sat in my heart  
Is a space that now you hold ___

__:::_ _

__June, 1977_ _

__"Come on, honey, talk to me," Mary said and gripped her hands. "Wha' happen’d? Were it a boy? See we don't need 'em, now, do we?"_ _

__"Nothing, really," Lyra said shyly, forcing a laugh. "It's a bad day, not a bad life."_ _

__"Yes ma'am," Mary giggled. "I should take you to a salon. We'll get ya new nails and hair and everythin'."_ _

__"We can't, though," Lyra smiled. Mary was just trying to be nice, even if she didn't want to socialise right then. "But thank you."_ _

__"Who's says I can't be an excellent beautician?" Mary said. “Going for a girls day, let's go. Lily can come too, she's been stressed lately."_ _

__"And Koley?"_ _

__Mary scrunched her nose. "Not her type of scene, I don't think. Never see her treating herself like that."_ _

__"Right," Lyra jumped down from her bed._ _

__Mary clapped excitedly. "Look in the bathroom, I have so many things..."_ _

__——_ _

__Lyra admired her reflection after Mary's makeover. Red nails and shorter, curlier hair. She loved it._ _

__"SWIPER!"_ _

__Lyra jumped, but her eyes threatened to well  
up at the nickname. She'd not heard it in so long. It made her miss Remus and her brothers more. _ _

__She went out of her dorm and to the top of the stairs (which were currently a slide to stop James getting any closer) and he waved her downstairs._ _

__With reluctance, she descended down the steps. She wanted to see them again, of course she did. But being on the rocks with Remus and Sirius didn't help her relationship with James and Peter exactly._ _

__"Follow me," James said and lead her by the hand. A nervous Peter, a sad Remus and an uncomfortable Sirius waited with baited breath in the common room. She looked at all of them individually; they didn't look very well. She wondered what had happened. Then a thousand and one paranoid theories hit her like a bomb._ _

__Who's died?_ _

__Are we involved in the war?_ _

__Is Regulus okay?_ _

__What has happened that's so grave?_ _

__Did I do something wrong?_ _

__Was there an attack?_ _

__Did something happen to their friend?_ _

__...Were they going to cut all ties of their friendship with her?_ _

__They panic clearly showed in her face. "Don't worry," James said and physically sat her down, sandwiched between Remus and Sirius who didn't look awfully thrilled about being there. "We're going to make nice, okay? Me and Pete have been running around like headless chickens so that we can see you all and I'm willing to bet it ain't nice on youse either."_ _

__"Sorry but no." Lyra stood up abruptly but Remus yanked her back down by her wrist._ _

__"Just listen," Remus said softly and she could feel Sirius glaring daggers into the back of her head. "I overreacted, okay? We just got out of a fight and I don't want to get back in one. Please forgive me?"_ _

__Lyra was seeing stars. "It's you that needs to forgive me!"_ _

__"Well, forgive each other then," James said. “Yeah?” Remus offered his pinky. Lyra hooked it through hers and hugged him tightly and James beamed at them, proud of himself. Sirius was livid and his magic was so sensitive behind her; she could feel it throbbing. "That's that. Now, Sirius-"_ _

__"No."_ _

__"Don't interrupt me!" James asserted his authority. Sirius went quiet - James was the only one able to control him. Plus, he did have a very mother-hen-ish shout when he wanted to._ _

__"Sorry," Sirius grumbled._ _

__"Remus would you mind leaving whilst I talk to them about this?"_ _

__"'Course not," Remus stood. "I'll be in the dorm."_ _

__When they heard Remus shut the door, James glared at them. "You've got a fat problem on your hands."_ _

__"I don't know what you mean," Sirius sniffed._ _

__"Black, don't pretend you don't know what the giant elephant looming over the room like a dementor is," he said with a stern look._ _

__Sirius grumbled something, crossing his arms and slouching. Sulking._ _

__"You two both like Remus, and you're going to have to sort it out," James pointed at them._ _

__Sirius' head snapped up and he paled. "What the fuck are you trying to say, Potter. You think I'm a poof?"_ _

__“Don’t talk like that, it’s discriminatory,” Lyra spat. James sent her a look that said ‘you’re supposed to make nice’._ _

__“Well, Potter’s implying that I am one,” Sirius glared._ _

__“One what?! They’re still human, Black,” Lyra shouted exasperatedly. “Just get out.”_ _

__“Who’re you to tell me to-“_ _

__“No, Padfoot, go,” James said quietly, but it was clear it was not up for debate._ _

__Sirius looked to have been slapped across the face. “James?”_ _

__“Go.”_ _

__“Fucking have it your way then,” Sirius snatched up his leather jacket and stormed away._ _

__“Yeah, no, I don’t think he’ll want to talk to me any time soon,” Lyra said._ _

__“I can’t believe he said that,” James pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ve got to go and sort that out. You stay here?”_ _

__Lyra nodded._ _

__When James left, Remus appeared at the bottom of the stairs._ _

__“I guess you heard all that?”_ _

__“Not really,” Remus said. “Just that Sirius has gone off on one.” He sat down next to Lyra. “I’ve, uh, been doing some thinking. I talked to Pads a while ago. It was actually the day we had a fight.”_ _

__“What did you talk about?”_ _

__“Love.”_ _

__Wonderful, Lyra thought._ _

__“I didn’t believe in it, and I said that I wouldn’t want to ruin a friendship for something so temporary. And I said that to you. But, I thought about it and if...if it makes you happy too, I thought I’d ask you officially?”_ _

__Lyra whipped her head around. “What?!”_ _

__“To...be my girlfriend?”_ _

__Lyra froze on her spot. What on earth-...?_ _

__“It’s okay if you’re not, I mean, I just-“ Remus began to ramble. Lyra jumped up and ran towards him with her arms outstretched._ _

__“Yes,” she squealed. “Yes, a thousand times yes.”_ _

__Remus smiled into her shoulder, face full of her hair as she squeezed him tight._ _

__——_ _

__James climbed the steps of the astronomy tower. He could always find Sirius up there when he was sulking._ _

__James’ hunch was right - Sirius sat shivering on the edge of the tower, perilously close to the edge as he let his feet dangle off. He didn’t look sulky, though. He looked more rueful._ _

__James sighed and went over, sitting down next to him in silence._ _

__“You can’t say stuff like that, you know?” He said gently, like Sirius might break at the wrong word._ _

__“I know,” he fiddled with his jacket sleeve. “I’m really sorry.”_ _

__“It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it. But you need to be glad it was just me because there could’ve been someone deeply offended by that. I would tell you to watch who you say it to in the future, but I don’t want you to say that to anyone. Okay?” James nudged his foot with his._ _

__Sirius nodded and looked at him with puppy eyes. James hated that face; it always made him feel guilty._ _

__“C’mere,” he chuckled and pulled Sirius into a hug where he buried his face in James’ shoulder._ _

__Sirius’d learned his lesson, but that didn’t make him want to talk to Lyra any more._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is mirrors by justin timberlake


	11. [eleven, july 1977]

_You're asking me, will my love grow?  
I don't know, I don't know  
You stick around, now it may show  
I don't know, I don't know ___

__:::_ _

__July, 1977_ _

__Summer. It was about time if you asked Lyra. Though, the note she was ending the year on wasn't the best. While her OWL results were as excellent as she could have hoped for, her relationship with Sirius was still on thin ice._ _

__He'd been kicked out at Christmas, so luckily for him, he didn't have to suffer going home to their parents. Well, Lyra supposes they're just hers and Regulus' parents now. That was a hurtful realisation._ _

__Does that mean Sirius isn't her brother anymore?_ _

__No. That's ridiculous. Name and blood and legality doesn't always determine if you're family or not; look at James for example, he's definitely Sirius' brother. Lyra supposed he's hers, too._ _

__She dragged her trunk and went to sit in the marauders carriage. She considered finding somewhere else to sit because surely sitting with Sirius in such a small, confined space wouldn't be good for anyone. Still, she wanted to be friends again. It would just be easier on everyone._ _

__Lyra slid open the door and Remus and James were already there. She smiled and cuddled up to Remus._ _

__"Where's Sirius gone?" She asked._ _

__James shrugged. "Late, I s'pose."_ _

__"But you're always with him," Lyra frowned._ _

__"It's not law," James said. "He's probably off being a moody bit somewhere. I wish he'd stop being a brat and get over himself."_ _

__"Me too, Prongs, me too," Lyra sighed._ _

__Sirius joined them soon, as if everything was right in the world. "Don't you see, Wormy, I don't have to go back there! I can stay with Prongs!"_ _

__James had a pained expression on his face and Lyra knew what he was thinking: was home really that awful?_ _

__To answer, yes. Yes it was._ _

__At least she wouldn’t have to watch him get tortured again. Or for Regulus to be tortured. That was such an awful experience that had been imprinted in Lyra’s memories._ _

__The scars you left._ _

__What was she going to do all summer? Mother wouldn’t let her go to James’, not so soon after cutting the leash on Sirius (irony sweet irony). Sirius never failed to match Lyra’s energy, but Regulus was too Regulus for that. Maybe she could try and be like him? That probably wouldn’t work out, though. She’s too reckless for that._ _

__“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she sighed, thinking out loud._ _

__“Run away. Come stay with us,” James said sincerely._ _

__Sirius pulled a profusely dirty face._ _

__“Face like a slapped arse, Black?” Lyra snapped. Sirius flipped her off. “Fine. Message fucking received. I know when I’m not wanted.”_ _

__Lyra stood up and levitated her trunk out of the carriage._ _

__“Also, Remus, stay. I need air,” she added as Remus made a move to go after her._ _

__Lyra went stalking down the walkway of the train, wobbling in synchronisation with it. She sat herself in the nearest one, kicking the door after she’d closed it._ _

__“What’s that doing here?”_ _

__Lyra whirled around, wand poised against the throat of the speaker. “Watch your tongue, Mulciber, or I might just hex it off.”_ _

__Mulciber scoffed and Regulus, who sat across from him, looked distantly amused._ _

__“Don’t think I won’t. Ask Snivellus. Growing it back isn’t a fun process.”_ _

__Mulciber snarled but his eyes gave his fear away._ _

__“Out.”_ _

__Mulciber hurried out with as much dignity as he could manage. Lyra slouched into his seat, facing Regulus. “Hello.”_ _

__“Are you intent on getting in all my friends’ bad books?”_ _

__“You have friends- ow! Okay!”_ _

__Regulus kicked her shin. “Why aren’t you with Potter and co.?”_ _

__“Sirius,” she scowled. “We got into a fight.”_ _

__“About what?”_ _

__Lyra took a good look at Regulus. He wasn’t the same person she used to rant about boys to, but God how she wanted to. His hair was longer, but cut it regularly for mother’s approval. His jawline and cheekbones were more defined and angular, no longer with the slightly chubby baby fat. His wrists and arms were the same, though. Small and slim as ever._ _

__“Someone,” she ended up saying._ _

__“Who?”_ _

__Lyra made eye contact. “Remus.”_ _

__Regulus smiled, nostalgia written all over his face. He nudged her leg with his toe. “Tell me about it all.”_ _

__——_ _

__Walking out of the train with Regulus would surely give off the right impression with his parents, however much of a false cover that was. Regulus would never mention how he was reluctant to talk to her, though, so she’d be alright._ _

__She walked straight backed in front of Regulus to her parents on the station platform. They were looking down their noses at all the mudbloods._ _

__Walburga nodded her head in greeting, enclosing her long fingers around Lyra’s arm. “You saw what happened to your traitorous brother,” she said lowly and close to Lyra’s ear, “don’t make the same mistake or you’ll be headed with the same fate. I’ve still got Regulus, don’t think I won’t do it.”_ _

__Lyra paled. Such a pleasant greeting. She gripped her mother’s arm and braced herself, though still nothing would prepare her for apparition. Orion and Regulus did the same._ _

__Lyra landed shakily outside the black gates of Grimmauld Place once more._ _

__Here we go again._ _

__She took her things to her room as always. She hated that room. All big and dark and depressing. Nothing bright or overly personal. Orion said with personal things comes silly attachment and therefore they’re completely useless, if not more of a hinderance than a meaningful object._ _

__Lyra considered actually planning out her summer week by week, day by day. Should she sneak out to muggle London? To James’? Sirius had made it known he didn’t want her there, but what mattered was what she wanted._ _

__——_ _

___Remus,_ _ _

___How are you, darling? I wanted to write to see if I could try and get there. All Sirius had to do was use the floo, I was thinking I could do the same?_ _ _

___I know he doesn’t want me there, but I want to see you guys, no matter what he thinks._ _ _

___You are staying at the Potter’s, right?_ _ _

___Lyra  
x_ _ _

___——_ _ _

___Swiper,_ _ _

___Yes, I’m here, and we’d love for you to come. The floo networks open on this end. I don’t care what Sirius want either, I want you to come too._ _ _

___See you soon?_ _ _

___Remus  
x ____ _

____——_ _ _ _

____Lyra smiled to herself and folded the letter up. That’s it, she’s going._ _ _ _

____“Reg, you in there?”_ _ _ _

____“Pour l’amour de Dieu, Lyra, what do you want now?” Regulus’ voice came, muffled through the wooden door of his bedroom._ _ _ _

____“I would tell you, but it’s sort of secret. Can you open the door?”_ _ _ _

____Lyra heard the shuffling of feet and the click of locks. The door swung open to reveal Regulus._ _ _ _

____“I just wanted to let you know, I’m going to the Potter’s for a little. Can you tell mother I’m sick or something and that I don’t want to talk to anyone and pretend to bring me meals?” Lyra frowned, “though honestly I’m not sure if they care whether I eat or not.”_ _ _ _

____Regulus raised an eyebrow. “You want me to lie for you?”_ _ _ _

____“Can’t hurt can it?” Lyra cringed horrible. It bloody well could._ _ _ _

____“Fine. Go now,” Regulus shooed her out the door. Secrets, secrets. What was he doing?_ _ _ _

____It wasn’t Lyra’s business. She made her way to the drawing room to use their floo network. She grabbed a hand full of dust and said clearly but quietly, so no one would hear, “Potter residence.”_ _ _ _

____She disappeared from the Black house, reappearing on the other side in the green flames. It was more than likely a lot more elegant than Sirius’ arrival had been last Christmas, she thought darkly._ _ _ _

____Euphemia jumped at her sudden presence. “Oh, hello darling! What are you doing here?” She hurried over to dust her off and give her a quick hug before she got back to chopping vegetables. “You’re not hurt too, are you?”_ _ _ _

____“No, ma’am, just a flying visit. Wanted to get out for a while. Is Remus here?” Lyra asked._ _ _ _

____Euphemia gave her a knowing smile and pointed behind her. Remus stood with a wide, goofy smile._ _ _ _

____“Heya,” he said._ _ _ _

____“Remus!” she ran into his arms and kissed him square on the mouth. He caught her and lifted her off the ground slightly. “I’ve missed you.”_ _ _ _

____“Blimey, Swiper, it’s only been three weeks,” Remus said but he was grinning._ _ _ _

____“Swiper no swiping,” James sauntered into the kitchen also, arms wide._ _ _ _

____“Hola niño,” she replied, and gave him a quick hug as he kissed her cheek. “Is Sirius...is he here?”_ _ _ _

____“I was summoned?” Sirius was his casual self but froze and tensed when he saw Lyra. “Brilliant.”_ _ _ _

____“Sirius-“_ _ _ _

____“It’s fine, I’ll wait upstairs.” Sirius turned back around. Lyra felt awkward in front of Mrs Potter now._ _ _ _

____“You guys carry on with whatever you were doing before I interrupted,” Lyra said. “I’ll try and slot in.”_ _ _ _

____“Actually,” James grinned, “I was just about to take Mercury on a spin. Coming with?”_ _ _ _

____“Oh! I’ve missed Mercury!” Lyra clapped._ _ _ _

____James laughed, “I knew you would. She’s a little rusty, but I reckon we can fix that.”_ _ _ _

____Mercury was James’ broom before his latest. That broom had so many memories attached to it it felt unreal - it was one of Lyra’s favourite things of the Potter’s. All of the marauders adored it, even Remus who despised flying._ _ _ _

____“Does this mean I get to fly your Nimbus 1000?!”_ _ _ _

____“Hmm,” James pondered teasingly. “I might let you. Why not?”_ _ _ _

____Lyra followed James to the broom shed in the garden, but before doing so, she turned back to Remus._ _ _ _

____“Will you be okay with Sirius?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes,” he said suspiciously quickly._ _ _ _

____“Oh-kay,” Lyra frowned, wary. “I’ll see you later, promise,” she gave him a chaste kiss and ran after James. When she reached the shed, she asked, “are you going to be seeing Lily at all? Will she be coming here this summer?”_ _ _ _

____“I might see her,” James nodded, blushing a tad, “but I don’t think she’ll come here. She’s got this rotten muggle sister that’s jealous of Lily’s magic and throws a paddy every time Lily gets magic privileges.”_ _ _ _

____“Aw,” Lyra pulled a sad face. James pulled out Mercury and his Nimbus 1000 which he handed to her._ _ _ _

____“Be careful, I’ve gotta take that back to school in September.”_ _ _ _

____“I will,” Lyra promised and mounted it, giddy. “Race you,” she said and zoomed across the length off the Potter’s expansive garden._ _ _ _

____“Oi, prat! That’s not fair, you got a head start!”_ _ _ _

____“Well come on then, star chaser Potter,” Lyra turned and smirked cheekily at him, “you should be able to catch me.”_ _ _ _

____——_ _ _ _

____James and Lyra had both downed a litre of water each after they landed, dizzy from energy. They were sweaty and red faced, grinning._ _ _ _

____“You’ve no idea how bad I want to have my own broom at home. I’d be so much more distracted and less bored.”_ _ _ _

____“You can take a spare one,” James gestured to the broom shed. “We’ve got tons out of use. Me and dad’ll fix one up for you to take.”_ _ _ _

____“Really?!” she beamed. “Oh, thank you James!”_ _ _ _

____“Can I have my best friend back? Your boyfriend wants you.”_ _ _ _

____Lyra turned, blood boiling already._ _ _ _

____“Guys-“_ _ _ _

____“Go inside, Prongs, I want to talk to her alone.”_ _ _ _

____Lyra nodded to him that it was okay. It was just Sirius, what was the worst he could do? ...Honestly, he could do a lot. The talented blood in his veins was as thick and pure and strong as hers, and he was more experienced. Still, even when fighting, she wouldn’t think her brother would really use that against her, would he?_ _ _ _

____“Sirius-“_ _ _ _

____“No, let me,” he said calmly, contradicting so drastically with his previous attitude that it gave Lyra whiplash. “I was looking for a fight, really, wasn’t I?” He said quietly. “That night.”_ _ _ _

____Lyra nodded unsurely._ _ _ _

____“I didn’t know how to handle emotions, and I still don’t, honestly,” Sirius continued. “I-I think you already know, or at least have a pretty good idea of what I’m about to tell you, but I’ve been having an inner conflict with it this entire time. And then I had to decide how I was going to act on it. If I was going to act on it...”_ _ _ _

____Lyra gestured for him to continue._ _ _ _

____“It took me some time to accept myself, I guess, but,” he sighed, “Prongs was right. Is right. About...Remus. And us.”_ _ _ _

____Oh. She wasn’t expecting that. Her brother likes her boyfriend. Lyra always seemed to get into odd situations._ _ _ _

____This obviously left her mad, but how does one deal with this rationally? How does one deal with this at all? Sirius looked to be preparing to be yelled at but Lyra couldn’t bring herself to do it. She’d fought with him and Remus respectively enough to last her a long time._ _ _ _

____She walked towards Sirius and hugged him tightly. “I love you,” she said. “And I’m sorry. For everything. And I don’t care if you like boys-“_ _ _ _

____“I don’t,” Sirius rushed, “just Remus, I swear.”_ _ _ _

____Mhm, Lyra thought._ _ _ _

____“Well, whatever. I mean I couldn’t care less if you were as straight as a ruler or a roundabout. Just as long as you keep your hands off my boyfriend, it’s fine.”_ _ _ _

____Sirius started sweating but then laughed nervously._ _ _ _

____“I have to go back, tomorrow, so it doesn’t look suspicious and Reg doesn’t get hurt, but have fun with me for now, yeah?”_ _ _ _

____Sirius nodded._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is something by the beatles


	12. [twelve, august 1977]

_In another life  
I would be your girl  
We'd keep all our promises  
Be us against the world  
In another life ___

__:::_ _

__August, 1977_ _

__"I miss you already," Lyra said sadly as she stepped back into the fire grate. "See you in a month?"_ _

__They all nodded and waved to her._ _

__"12 Grimmauld Place!" She shouted and through the powder into the fireplace, erupting in luscious green flames._ _

__Lyra landed in the other end, trying to be as quiet as possible. She tiptoed out of the drawing room and manoeuvred to Regulus'._ _

__"Remember to look sick," she murmured to herself. She knocked on Regulus' door. "Reg? I'm back."_ _

__"Back from where?"_ _

__Lyra froze, feeling very nauseous. She did not just get caught. No. Absolutely not. She turned around slowly, and Orion was stood with his arms crossed and Lyra felt very small. Ironically, it had nothing to do with height._ _

__"From...from being ill," Lyra said, though it sounded more like a question than anything._ _

__"Your Mother wants to see you."_ _

__Fucking fuckity fuck fuck._ _

__Lyra dipped her head and followed her Father to her mother's study. She began to shake. She said she wasn't afraid to get rid of Lyra too, so nothing would stop her now._ _

__"Lyra," her mother said as she entered, scornful eyes seeing through to her mind, in a literal and metaphorical sense. "Where've you been?"_ _

__"I was ill."_ _

__Why did she say that? Lyra mentally slapped herself._ _

__"Ill...at the Potter's?" Walburga said the words with the upmost distaste. Her mood darkened and she snapped, "don't lie to me! I am your mother and your superior!"_ _

__Lyra dug deep, finding her Gryffindor bravery. If Sirius can do it, so can she. "You're not my mother."_ _

__"YES I AM."_ _

__"No," Lyra said as calmly as she could, though she was shaking a bit. "You're not."_ _

__"Remind me, who's blood runs through those veins?" Walburga hissed._ _

__"Yours."_ _

__"And?"_ _

__"His," Lyra pointed to her father._ _

__"Address your elders properly," Walburga's voice had a warning hint to it._ _

__"Orion's."_ _

__Your father's."_ _

__"Blood and name doesn't always mean your family," Lyra said. She'd had this talk with herself before. "James is more family to me than you are. Where's Regulus-"_ _

__Lyra cut herself off with an ear splitting scream._ _

__Pain._ _

__It's all she could feel._ _

__Everywhere._ _

__Every inch of her being._ _

__Bolts of lightning shocking her into unconsciousness._ _

__The prickling of thousands of knives piercing her pale skin._ _

__Blood pooling in her mouth, the irony taste making her light headed._ _

__"LYRA!" Regulus' scratchy voice shouted from somewhere but Lyra couldn't tell. Everything was blurry before it turned black._ _

__——_ _

__She woke up in the dark, a crescent moon sparkling outside the window (she had a very love hate bittersweet relationship with the moon). She looked around and saw Regulus curled up on a chair by her bedside. He had bandages of his own up his arms._ _

The scars you left.

__"Regulus," she reached over and shoved his foot to wake him. The sudden movement made her eyes go funny and she started seeing two. "Reggie."_ _

__Regulus blinked awake. "Oh, good your awake."_ _

__"What happened to you? To your arms?" Lyra said. She couldn't move with out much pain so she flicked her hand for him to show her._ _

__"Mother tanned by wrists," Regulus said. "Don't worry. She didn't curse me or anything. She saved all that for Sirius."_ _

__Lyra glared at him. That wasn't true just eight months ago. A sudden guilt consumed her, "was it because of me? Because you lied- I made you."_ _

__Regulus nodded. "I don't mind though," he poked her with his toes, "anything for you."_ _

__Lyra grinned._ _

__——_ _

__"I don't understand."_ _

__"What do you mean? It's simple," Lyra demonstrated how the record player works again._ _

__"Isn't this Sirius'? And his muggle music," Regulus picked up a vinyl, "is odd."_ _

__"It's amazing!!" Lyra said defensively. "Listen again. She span the Queen track for the millionth time that day._ _

___...Is this the real life?  
Is this just fantasy?..._ _ _

___...Are you ready hey are you ready for this?  
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?..._ _ _

___...Caviar and cigarettes  
Well versed in etiquette..._ _ _

___...Went kind of smooth after a while  
Take me to them naughty ladies every time..._ _ _

___...You say Rolls, I say Royce  
You say God give me a choice... ____ _

____The words bounced around the room (under a silencing charm to hide from their rentals) until they were sick of them, singing them unconsciously as they did their chores._ _ _ _

____Regulus groaned after a while. "Can you turn it off yet? I'm sick of it now," he complained._ _ _ _

____Lyra looked at him, offended. "You can't be sick of Queen, it's law."_ _ _ _

____"Please?"_ _ _ _

____"You want me to spin AC/DC instead?"_ _ _ _

____"No, I beg. Back In Black haunts me after listening to it all day yesterday thanks to someone," he glared. "It's literally just raucous electric static half the time."_ _ _ _

____Lyra scrunched her nose. "Criticism much."_ _ _ _

____"I like the other guy, though," Regulus said shyly._ _ _ _

____Lyra gave him a shit eating grin. "Which one?"_ _ _ _

____"I don't remember, the prettiest star one. And star man."_ _ _ _

____"David Bowie," Lyra smiled. "You like stars. Is it a self-centred thing or love for your brother and sister?"_ _ _ _

____They were all stars. Lyra, Sirius and Regulus._ _ _ _

____"Piss off," he scowled and turned the music off._ _ _ _

____"Oi!" Lyra said but Regulus gave her a withering stare as if to ask if she really wanted to listen to the same thing any longer. "Fine," she huffed. "Wanna go to muggle London?"_ _ _ _

____"What?!"_ _ _ _

____"London," Lyra repeated._ _ _ _

____"Mother would kill us," Regulus hissed. "We've already been attacked by her once already."_ _ _ _

____"We can say we're going to Diagon Alley?" Lyra suggested. "They let us go there on our own all the time. Plus, it wouldn't be a total lie - we need to go there first to convert some galleons."_ _ _ _

____Regulus looked unsure, but he wasn't saying no. Did Lyra just reach a part of the adventurous child in her brother that she didn't know he still had?_ _ _ _

____"Come on! Live a little," Lyra said. "It'll be fun I swear."_ _ _ _

____"Gryffindor," Regulus muttered._ _ _ _

____"That's right," she said. It was merely a fact. She pulled him towards his wardrobe and he didn't resist so in Lyra's books, that was a success. She was disappointed in his clothes, though. "Well, you cannot go around London in robes. Nor a suit. Oh! Let me transfigure this," she tugged down a blazer. Using something Minnie had taught her, she turned it into a jacket._ _ _ _

____"What is that?" Regulus asked, pulling his face disgustedly._ _ _ _

____"Muggle clothes," Lyra handed it to him. "Be thankful it's not a leather jacket like Sirius'. You'd be throwing a tant then. Definitely not your style.”_ _ _ _

____“And you think this is?”_ _ _ _

____She transfigured some clothes for him. “No. But you’ll live. Put them on under your robes so we can just take them off later.”_ _ _ _

____They changed and got ready to go and tell - or ask - Orion if they could go. Lyra waited outside; it would make sense for Regulus to do it rather than her. He came out with a thumbs up and a doubly wide smile. Lyra celebrated in silence._ _ _ _

____“Let’s go,” she whispered, her voice coming out all squeaky from excitement. They rushed to the drawing room for the floo._ _ _ _

____“Diagon Alley!” Lyra shouted and disappeared. Regulus followed after her._ _ _ _

____They landed in the Magic Menagerie and exited straight away, Gringotts in mind._ _ _ _

____“Name,” the wisened goblin at the lectern said as they approached._ _ _ _

____“Lyra Black,” Lyra answered, mustering up all the aristocratic traits she could. “I want to make a withdrawal.”_ _ _ _

____“Identity confirmation?”_ _ _ _

____Lyra let the goblin take her finger print. “Very well. This way.”_ _ _ _

____Regulus and Lyra followed the goblin through golden gates and past a grizzled dragon that looked distressed. Lyra looked at it, amazed - dragons were her favourite creatures._ _ _ _

____They zoomed down into the abyss of volts until they reached hers. Lyra thought she must’ve looked rather green even if the goblin looked completely unfazed._ _ _ _

____“Volt 293, Miss Lyra Black.”_ _ _ _

____Lyra took roughly sixty galleons. “Where do I go to exchange these for the pounds, sir?”_ _ _ _

____The goblin clicked his fingers and her money transformed into small, skinny little coins. “Oh!” She grinned at Regulus. “Thank you.”_ _ _ _

____She put them in her bag and cast and extension and featherlight charm on it. They got back into the cart and spun back to the ground floor._ _ _ _

____Dizzy, Lyra and Regulus wandered to the Leaky Cauldron._ _ _ _

____“We’ll get the train from Kings Cross to Piccadilly, and then do what we please,” Lyra said. “We’ll go the old fashioned way - walking, bikes and buses.”_ _ _ _

____“What’s a bus?”_ _ _ _

____“You know what cars are?”_ _ _ _

____“Sort of,” Regulus scrunched up his face. “I didn’t take muggle studies. Obviously.”_ _ _ _

____“Obviously,” Lyra said dryly. “Well, they’re public transport.” Regulus was already pulling his face. “Oh don’t be such a snob! They’re like long cars for people who can’t drive.”_ _ _ _

____“Then we should just learn to drive,” Regulus frowned._ _ _ _

____“I don’t think it’s that easy. You probably need a license like for apparition.”_ _ _ _

____They walked into the leaky cauldron and into London via the Leaky Cauldron. Lyra lead the way to Kings Cross and they boarded the Piccadilly train._ _ _ _

____“I’m so excited,” Lyra said, giddy._ _ _ _

____“Calm down,” Regulus said, but he was laughing too._ _ _ _

____“Hiya lovelies,” someone said. Lyra turned to the voice. A boy sat across from them, wearing worn out clothes and dirty boots. He looked about Regulus’ age, maybe Lyra’s. “What’re you doin’ down here? You look like you should be drivin’ a fancy dancy limo,” he said. “Don’t want ya gettin’ hurt by these nasty thugs round ‘ere.”_ _ _ _

____Lyra was suddenly very aware of her heritage and consequently what she looked like. She wasn’t vain, like Sirius, but she did know that she was a child of Black, and the Blacks had lived through so much incest they were purer than anyone. They were often told they looked like they were crafted by God - Lyra found this insulting because beautiful comes in all different forms. Put if there’s one good thing she got from her cesspit of a family, it’s good genes._ _ _ _

____“Names Ace,” the boy said._ _ _ _

____“Lyra.”_ _ _ _

____Regulus didn’t say anything so Lyra kicked him until he did. “Regulus.”_ _ _ _

____“Bloody ‘ell, y’are posh, aren’t ya?” He had the same southern accent as Mary, but much less cleanliness. Typical boy. “You’ve gotta fix that name, mate,” he said to Regulus._ _ _ _

____“What’s wrong with my name?!”_ _ _ _

____The contrast in their enunciation made Lyra laugh. God, did she sound so proper too? She probably did._ _ _ _

____“What about you? You don’t sound from around ‘ere,” Lyra tried speaking like she did with James and Sirius. Not proper and slightly slurred. He might me less inclined to call her posh, then._ _ _ _

____“Awh, nah, I’m down ‘ere on business, I guess ya could say,” he said. “Repayin’ an’ ol’ mate that ‘elped me is all.”_ _ _ _

____That sounded dodgy._ _ _ _

____“Why are posho’s like youse ‘ere, then?” He asked._ _ _ _

____“Break from chaos,” Regulus said._ _ _ _

____“Naw, I get ya,” Ace said. “Where ya headed?”_ _ _ _

____“No where in particular. Got any ideas?” Lyra suggested._ _ _ _

____“Ah, there’s a bloomin’ good offie down near Regent street. Great place forra fag,” Ace nodded. “There’s this theatre as well, o’ course. Best movies there.”_ _ _ _

____“Can you show us?” Lyra asked._ _ _ _

____Anyone would think he’s a bit sketchy - rugged clothes, dirty boots, tiny pencil behind his ear, short almost shaven hair, rough accent, smoker, definitely a teenager. But he was actually pleasant to talk to if you relaxed and stopped thinking everyone was your enemy. And Lyra could relax, because there was no threat of war in the muggle world._ _ _ _

____“Wish I could, duck, but I gotta get back to that mate I were tellin’ youse abou’,” he said. “Or, I could see if he wanted to come? He’s done me a lotta favours, that lad.” Ace patted his pockets. “Don’t think I got no cash, though.”_ _ _ _

____“It’s fine, our treat,” Lyra insisted._ _ _ _

____Ace grinned, “rich as well, are ya? No surprise. But naw, I couldn’t let ya. Got no way o’ payin’ youse back, ‘ave I? Already workin’ off my debt to Lawson - the mate I was tellin’ ya ‘bout.”_ _ _ _

____“We don’t want repaying,” Regulus insisted. “We’ll live.”_ _ _ _

____“Lucky for youse, I wouldn’t,” Ace said. The train pulled to a stop. “Comin’?”_ _ _ _

____Ace turned and left out the doors on Piccadilly station. Regulus tugged on Lyra’s sleeve,_ _ _ _

____“What if he’s dangerous?”_ _ _ _

____“Give over, he’s as sweet as anything,” Lyra said. “Worst case scenario we die.”_ _ _ _

____Lyra should’ve been concerned that Regulus didn’t look too bothered at the suggestion of that outcome._ _ _ _

____They left the train too, and followed Ace to his friends house. Okay, when he said it was a house, he was being a bit generous._ _ _ _

____Ace barely fit through the doorway of which had no front door and inside there seemed to be a lot of people._ _ _ _

____Lyra supposed you could call it a halfway house._ _ _ _

____“Ace, what’re you doing living here?” Lyra asked as he came back out, waiting for his friend._ _ _ _

____“Well, I don’t got no money, do I? Got in juvie as a kid and when I got out, me parents had done one. Not known ‘em since. Lawson ‘ere let me stay at this place wiv ‘im. He never had no parents neither, got kicked out at seven for setting the dog on fire and burnin’ the house down.”_ _ _ _

____Lyra was alarmed. He really wasn’t dangerous, just poor, maybe a little broken._ _ _ _

____“What about all these people?”_ _ _ _

____“Recoverin’ addicts that couldn’t pay for rehab,” Ace said. “Lawson let’s ‘em stay ‘ere. He’s such a swee’heart.”_ _ _ _

____At that moment, the boy Lyra assumed to be Lawson came out. He was a head shorter with sandy hair and a cigarette._ _ _ _

____“Well, blimey doll, you’re gorgeous aren’t ya?” Lawson said to Regulus. “And you,” he pointed to Lyra. “Ace wasn’t lyin’, was he?”_ _ _ _

____Regulus blushed crimson._ _ _ _

____“Let’s go,” Ace said. “Where first?”_ _ _ _

____“Theatre?”_ _ _ _

____Lyra had no idea what one was yet, but Remus always talked about how the plays and movies were amazing, if that was any guidance._ _ _ _

____Shit._ _ _ _

____Remus._ _ _ _

____——_ _ _ _

____Lyra and Regulus sat with Ace and Lawson in the back of the theatre. The showing was quite entertaining._ _ _ _

____“And that’s how how Skywalker does it, I reckon,” Ace predicted. They’d watched two movies after protests from Ace and Lawson about money, and the one they were currently sitting was Star Wars._ _ _ _

____“Oh,” Lyra said. She turned and grinned at him. This was the most memorable and enjoyable moment of the holidays so far._ _ _ _

____“What do you reckon, doll? Good movie so far?”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah,” Lyra nodded eagerly. She kicked the back of the chair of two people in front of her making out and being very distracting. They didn’t acknowledge her. “Rude.”_ _ _ _

____“Go on then, darlin’, give us a snog,” Ace grinned cheekily._ _ _ _

____Lyra panicked. Was this what he’d wanted all along? “I have a boyfriend,” was all she could blurt._ _ _ _

____“Well? He’s not ‘ere, is he?”_ _ _ _

____Lyra shook her head, “no, but...”_ _ _ _

____“Awh, loyal one, I see? What’s his name?”_ _ _ _

____“Remus.”_ _ _ _

____“Fuckin’- bloody posho’s, the lot o’ ya!” Ace exclaimed and laughed._ _ _ _

____Loyal, Lyra thought. Was Remus loyal? And does kissing count as cheating? What if Sirius wasn’t loyal and was snogging Remus right now? It’s definitely the sort of thing he would do if he was mad. But they’d made up, hadn’t they?_ _ _ _

____Lyra shook her head. Remus doesn’t exist in the muggle world. Sirius neither._ _ _ _

____“Go on, then. Just once.”_ _ _ _

____——_ _ _ _

____“Have you got an address or something so I can send letters to you and keep in touch?” Lyra asked Ace. He was dead friendly, and a bloody good snog._ _ _ _

____“Bloody ‘ell, letters? I can’t read, duck, who d’ya think I am?” Ace replied. “You don’t got a phone number?”_ _ _ _

____“Phone number?” Lyra frowned. Was that some ancient torture method? Labelling people with numbers?_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, your portable. You don’t ‘ave one?”_ _ _ _

____Lyra shook her head. Oh! Telephones! She remembered now. There was a big red box with a phone in Hogsmeade. She always wondered what that was._ _ _ _

____“I can get access to the public ones though,” she said._ _ _ _

____“Right,” Ace frowned. “Won’t always pick up though, yeah? Got stuff to do and people to see, little lady.”_ _ _ _

____“What, you got other theatre girls to be snogging?”_ _ _ _

____Ace snorted. “No, don’t like girls me.”_ _ _ _

____Lyra stared. “Then why’d you...”_ _ _ _

____“Little fun I guess,” Ace winked. “See you, fancy girl,” he waved and went to leave with Lawson._ _ _ _

____“Wait! Do you have a last name? In case I need it.”_ _ _ _

____“Told you, I don’t got no family, do I?”_ _ _ _

____They left for their slum._ _ _ _

____So. That was it. Ace and Lawson no name._ _ _ _

____Regulus looked traumatised. “You asked to keep in contact?!”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, he was nice,” Lyra shrugged. “How was Lawson. I didn’t speak to him much.”_ _ _ _

____“Same attitude as Ace,” Regulus said. “I’m not a people person,” he shuddered._ _ _ _

____Lyra snorted. “Let’s go home.”_ _ _ _

“Oh and Lyra?” Regulus said. Lyra faced him. “Happy birthday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is the one that got away by katy perry  
> \- halfway house : building for recovering addicts, juveniles, people that don’t fit in  
> \- duck : term of endearment  
> \- Queen songs : first 5 songs of ‘Queen Greatest Hits disc 1’  
> \- tanned : in this sense it means to be beat/hit (reg got his wrists beat by a cane)  
> \- tant : tantrum  
> \- offie : off license convenience store  
> \- rentals : parents


	13. [thirteen, september 1977]

_Oh, catch that buzz  
Love is the drug I'm thinking of  
Oh, can't you see  
Love is the drug for me  
Oh, oh ___

__:::_ _

__September, 1977_ _

__Lyra couldn't believe she thought she might be sad about going back to Hogwarts. She and Regulus had been as close as they had been at twelve and she wasn't ready to let that go._ _

__Plus, at least once a week she was going to the end of the street to talk to Ace and it's only recently that she'd began to feel guilty about Remus. Sure, they'd kissed once, but they were friends, right? Plus, muggle life is different to magic life. Just because she was more excited about calling him every week at 6 o'clock sharp rather than going to Hogwarts to be with her friends didn't mean anything...right? Just because he made sure he was free at 6 o'clock in case she called..._ _

__Lyra stood with Regulus at Kings Cross. Regulus was actually talking and smiling with her in front of their parents so she must've done something right over the summer. Brother sister bonding._ _

__She bid him a regretful goodbye and went to find the marauders. Lyra hadn't seen them since July and she was itching with anticipation now._ _

__She slid open the door and right away Sirius jumped to wrestle her into a hug. She relaxed and hugged him back, laughing._ _

__"Well, this is a nice greeting," she said._ _

__"Well I missed you," Sirius grinned. Lyra faltered; it was a façade. Sure, his eyes were as bright and happy as ever, but she could see all the way through him. He was scared. Lyra ignored it - she had no idea why he would be scared. Maybe he thought Walburga and Orion would see him and try to bring him home again. Or maybe something happened with the war. Fuck._ _

__"Hi, Rem," she said merrily and sat down next to him pulling her legs over his and kissing him deeply. Sirius looked away as she grabbed his hand. “Where’s Potter?”_ _

__“Running late. Effie and Monty got called to the Ministry for an emergency meeting,” Peter said darkly._ _

__Lyra tensed and Remus squeezed her hand. “The war.”_ _

__It was their last year together, Lyra realised with pain, and they were going to spend it worrying about war. The marauders would be graduating this year and Lyra would be left alone. Well, not alone. She’d still have Mary and Koley and Regulus, but it wouldn’t be the same._ _

__“Was there an attack?”_ _

__“Yeah,” Peter said. “Werewolf one.”_ _

__Remus swallowed audibly, insecure._ _

__“Killed the parents and bit the kid. Whoever it was wasn’t alone because there was something cast in the sky above their house - this symbol.” Peter pulled a copy of the Daily Prophet out of his bag. “This was the first sighting of it. It’s got something to do with a dark wizard who’s name we shouldn’t speak.”_ _

__In the picture, a horrid mark of a snake coiling out of a skull cursed the front page. This was it, Lyra swallowed. They were going to war and they were going to fight._ _

__Not everyone makes it out alive._ _

__——_ _

__“Ugh, can they hurry up with this ceremony already,” Lyra bounced her leg, waiting for it to be over._ _

__“What’s wrong with you?” Sirius asked._ _

__Lyra paused. “I have to make a call.”_ _

__“To whom?” Remus asked. Shit._ _

__“Just someone I made friends with in the summer,” Lyra shrugged it off._ _

__“You replaced me?!” Sirius gasped and Lily rolled her eyes._ _

__“Must you be so dramatic?”_ _

__“If it’s not dramatic, it’s not me,” Sirius said plainly. That’s fair. He sent a furtive look to Remus who looked away immediately._ _

__Lily had been stuck like glue to James after the train arrived. James was beaming and couldn’t be more thrilled and Lily clearly wanted to show off her hot jock boyfriend. Lyra didn’t blame her, she’d show Remus off as and when she liked._ _

__The sorting dragged by, same old same old. It was quite boring unless you were actually in it, she’d realised a while ago. She wolfed down half her plate as quick as she could before leaving. She had to make it in time for 6 o’clock._ _

__It wasn’t easy to sneak down into Honeydukes’ cellar on a tight schedule, though she didn’t think it would be. She used the bobby pin trick Remus had used before then and rushed quietly past Zonko’s and Madame Puddifoot’s to the red phone box._ _

__She didn’t need to take the slip of paper with Ace’s number on it out, she’d had it memorised by the seventh call._ _

__The tone dragged until Ace picked up. “Uh, hullo,” he said, voice very low. Someone on his end whispered something in a rough, husky voice and Lyra heard Ace’s sharp intake of breath._ _

__Well this was awkward._ _

__“Sorry, Ace, are you with someone?” Lyra cringed. This was so bad._ _

__“Um, yeah, sorry duck, I-“_ _

__“No, it’s okay, I’ll go. Just callin’ to say I got to school alright. I’ll ring tomorrow,” Lyra hung up so fast that she wasn’t sure if he got the end of her sentence. She felt awful and embarrassed and she didn’t know how to feel about the fact that he interrupted a moment to answer her call. Who picks up the phone when they’re about to get railed?_ _

__Lyra didn’t feel ready to go back to school so she sat on the wall of the telephone box. If she went back, she’d get questioned. If she went back so early, it’ll seem like she was rejected. Which she sort of was, but that’s not the point. Instead, she pulled out a cigarette, a dirty habit she’d picked up off Ace. It wasn’t as bad as Sirius and Remus, and nowhere near to the extent of Ace himself, but it was still something she should probably kick the habit of._ _

__Half an hour later, she was still sat down, analysing everything. Remus, war, Ace, Sirius. She hadn’t sifted thoroughly through her thoughts in a while._ _

__“Oh no, Lyra. When did you start doing this?” Sirius said, snapping her out of her head. “I told you it’s addictive and that I regret it, why would you start?” He gestured to the fag dangling loosely between her fingers._ _

__Lyra shrugged. She didn’t really care. It’s not like she was going to live very long anyway._ _

__“Has it got something to do with Mr Secret Summer Fling?”_ _

__Lyra glanced at him, exhaling. “Who said it’s a Mr?”_ _

__Sirius cocked an eyebrow._ _

__Lyra rolled her eyes, “okay, fine. Yes it is. But it’s not a summer romance, hardly.”_ _

__She gave Sirius a cig._ _

__“He’s a friend, but...” Should she tell him? Would he tell Remus? “Okay you can’t tell anyone, swear?”_ _

__Sirius hooked his pinky in hers._ _

__“We kissed. Once. No more. Plus, after he told me he was gay, so I don’t really know either...but it’s not cheating. Technically. Is it?”_ _

__Sirius was deep in thought. “Well, if he liked girls, that would’ve been another story.”_ _

__That was better than she’d expected._ _

__“But I’m not exactly an expert on the whole feelings part of it.”_ _

__“No shit,” Lyra snorted. “Sirius ‘I scored thirteen girls in our year with no strings attached in a month’ Black.”_ _

__Sirius looked away bashfully. “That was a mistake.”_ _

__“Mhm.”_ _

__——_ _

__After a while of ranting, they walked back to the castle together. It’s funny, the only place she went without the map was Hogsmeade and it’s the only place she never gets caught._ _

__When they reached the common room, Lyra gave Remus a quick kiss goodnight and a ‘don’t say anything’ look to Sirius and headed straight to her room. She wanted to talk to Mary and Koley._ _

__“Men,” Lyra complained. “Who needs ‘em? I might just become a great, stinking lesbian.”_ _

__Koley snorted. “Please do. It’s quite fun.”_ _

__“Koley?” Mary said and her eyes widened. “Oh! I’m so proud!” Mary jumped to give her a hug._ _

__“Wait,” Lyra said. “You and Dao?! On the quidditch pitch last year?! I knew I saw something!”_ _

__Koley grinned._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is love is the drug by roxy music


	14. [fourteen, october 1977]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry it’s so short it’s sort of a filler <3

_You look so perfect standing there  
In my American Apparel underwear  
And I know now that I'm so down  
Your lipstick stain is a work of art  
I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart  
And I know now that I'm so down (hey!) ___

__:::_ _

__October, 1977_ _

__"Change, quickly," Remus said as he felt his skin begin to prickle and the wolf take over. He tried not scream out, he really did, every time, but the pain wasn't manageable nor controllable._ _

__His skin was on fire and his joints hurt like a bitch as his bones broke and rearranged themselves._ _

__The wolf came into full being and howled only to get no reply. Moony began to scratch himself before he was tackled by a big black dog who barked at him in protest. Moony snarled at the dog, baring his teeth and showering the floor in drool. He snapped his jaws but then a familiar scent caught his nose. Oh. This was his friend._ _

__He smelled other scents too, and looked around. The stag, and the rat, and the fox. They were all his friends. Moony was flattered and began throwing himself at the door - they always opened it to go and explore the forest, Moony remembered._ _

__But, the stag nudged him out the way with his antlers and Moony growled and barked at him. The stag reared and its hooves came down with a resounding clatter._ _

__So. Moony wasn't going anywhere tonight. Boy was he not happy about it. He took a swipe at the stag who received a shallow scratch across his arm but stayed strong nonetheless. Moony continued to try and dominate him._ _

__Then, the fox crowded him from the side and rubbed her face along his leg. She felt warm and Moony's natural instinct was to curl up around her, even though there wasn't anything he necessarily needed to protect her from. He lowered himself to the floor and lay down next to her and the black dog joined them soon after._ _

__Perhaps it was time the wolf slept, too._ _

__——_ _

__Remus woke up bleary eyes and blinked his visions. God, it was bright. He had a killer headache but it was easy to ignore when he looked to his side and there sat Sirius. He looked so peaceful in his sleep; untroubled._ _

__He moved in his sleep and woke himself up. Remus tried to make it look like he hadn't been staring. "Oh, hi Moony."_ _

__Remus smiled small in return. The wolf had been agitated last night - he knew through the ache in his bones and the pain when he smiled._ _

__Sirius' tension was back when he woke up, the familiar crease in his brow reappearing once more._ _

__"Hugs," Remus reached out feebly to Sirius. Sirius knew what he meant._ _

__"Remus..." Sirius began. His expression was odd - uninterpretable._ _

__What had happened? ...Did Moony do something last night?_ _

__"Where's Lyra and James?" He panicked now. What happened to them, he wanted to ask._ _

__"Last night, you- the wolf," Sirius corrected, "wanted to go into the forrest, but we didn't let you. Moony, er, scratched James."_ _

__Remus felt sick."_ _

__"He's fine!" Sirius rushed, standing up. "It was deeper when he changed back than when he was a stag. He can't come to the hospital wing otherwise Madame Pomfrey will know that we're illegal animagi. Lyra's looking after him, it's just his arm. And he's not...you know, he doesn't have a furry little problem."_ _

__Remus was thankful for that, of course, but guilt still consumed him. It was only going to be so long until he hurt one of them - he'd already nearly killed Snape in fifth year. Remus blamed himself for that one, but everyone else blamed Sirius (including Sirius himself). He was angry at him for weeks, months._ _

__"Fuck," Remus winced as he sat up. "I need to see him. I-I need to apologise and see if I can help I-"_ _

__"Remus, sh," Sirius soothed and sat next to him on the bed as gently as he could and played with Remus' hair. It normally calmed him down and made him sleepy but this time there was no settling him. “We couldn’t let you go because there was another attack, and we couldn’t let anything happen to you. You need to stay in bed so you can get to today’s lessons and not look suspicious.”_ _

__"I'm going," Remus got out of the hospital bed, staggering as he did so. "Need to..."_ _

__"I'll tell Madame Pomfrey you ran away!!" Sirius threatened unavailingly. "Fuck," he kicked the bed, regretting as his toes started to throb._ _

__Remus, thankfully, had his clothes on and not those ridiculous hospital dress things. He speed walked to the dorms where Lyra was recapping some potions._ _

__"Lyra I-"_ _

__"He's fine, and stop feeling guilty; I know you are," Lyra said sternly. "I just gave him a sleeping drought, he'll wake up in a couple of hours. Besides, he needs a day off school. I don't actually think he's ever had a day off, you know? I guess you'll have to get notes for him this time, not that he'll read them."_ _

__Remus sat down on his own bed, looking at James' bandaged shoulder. "Fucking life, eh?"_ _

__Lyra grinned, "yeah." She went and sat next to him, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze. "He'll be alright."_ _

__Remus nodded glumly. "Oh! Did I tell you? I'm in your potions, now, and Slughorn sent me an invitation to his slug club."_ _

__"Really?! That's great," Remus hugged her. "Be my potions partner?"_ _

__She grinned, "of course."_ _

__——_ _

__Lyra kissed down Remus' neck and pushed him flat on his back on his bed. They had to go to potions, soon, but Lyra didn't particularly care. The dorm room was dark as the curtains were closed and Remus was almost completely at her mercy; why would she give a monkeys ass about potions?_ _

__Remus shivered under her touch. "Lyra," he said breathlessly. "Class..."_ _

__"Mhm," she hummed against his neck and he moaned in pleasure. "Let me just..."_ _

__Lyra left a dark bruise on Remus' collar bone. He was craning his neck, giving her all the access she needed. Lyra loved it._ _

__She kissed him on the mouth one last time before admitting they had to go. "I s'pose I don't want to be late to my first lesson.”_ _

She didn’t want to go; she and Remus had been on such good terms as of late. There’s been so much contact - physical and emotional. For example, one time she told him all about Regulus and how close they’d gotten and that she wanted to see him again. Another was when she let his hands wander, under the shirt, over the bra.

__Remus’ hair was sticking up at odd angles, almost as bad as James’, and his mouth was red and swollen. How could Lyra prefer a phone call with Ace over this? In the end, it was her and Remus._ _

__She fixed her collar and grabbed her bag, grinning. “Let’s go then, partner.”_ _

__“Maybe I could teach you a thing or two.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is she looks so perfect by five seconds of summer


	15. [fifteen, november 1977]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw:  
> \- injury detail towards end

_Because maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall ___

__:::_ _

__November, 1977_ _

__"Potter! You're fucking the potion up- look! You're doing it all wrong!" Lyra chastised, hissing. "The asphodel goes in after the dragon claw, dunce."_ _

__"Hey!" James said, offended. "Don't act all high and mighty because you're ahead of your year! Only just. You're not better than us."_ _

__"Then why am I here?" Lyra glared. "Because I'm at least at the same level as you, and I have common sense unlike you. So, that would make me better than you."_ _

__James huffed and Lyra continued to slap his hands away from their potion. "You're no fun. Even Lily was never this uptight."_ _

__"Watch your tongue Potter," Lily said was she walked by, a twinkle in her eye._ _

__James stopped frowning and split into a goofy smile. He made a kissy face, "love you-u."_ _

__"You're even more embarrassing than Sirius," Lily said but she was smiling._ _

__"I'm not that bad!" Sirius protested._ _

__"Why couldn't I have fallen for Remus?" she sent a wistful look Lyra's way who grinned. Though, Sirius was again obviously avoiding her eye._ _

__Lyra smiled to herself privately. Even Lily wanted her Remus, joking or not. Speaking of the devil, he was sick. He couldn't come to class that day and she got saddled with James Potter of all people._ _

__"Steal a bottle of this after class, we've not done a prank in a while," she smirked and whispered to James._ _

__James lit up immediately. If there was anything he was useful for, it was mischief and cheering people up. Nearly seventeen or not, he was still a child, really. "You're on, Swiper."_ _

__After that, James let Lyra complete the potion and was dumbfounded after they received and Exceeding Expectations. He gave her a high five._ _

__“Right,” James said. “Now go cause a commotion so I can steal some of this.”_ _

__They did their little hand shake and Lyra was on her way. She picked up a lacewing fly and dropped it into the cauldron behind hers and James’ which just happened to be Snape’s. Karma was funny like that._ _

__The moment Snape turned around from glaring at Lily’s back, the potion exploded in his face, covering him and his partner in a pinkish gunk._ _

__“That’s a good enough prank itself,” Lyra wheezed, James and her clinging on to each other to keep standing and to not keel over from laughter. Lily sent them a disapproving look._ _

__“That was you, wasn’t it?” She said to James who threw his hands up._ _

__“Why the accusations? It wasn’t me, actually,” he grinned at Lyra._ _

__She shrugged. “An entrepreneur gotta do what an entrepreneur gotta do.”_ _

__The potion they’d been brewing was in assistance to a permanent sticking charm. Lyra had no idea what to do specifically with it, but she could take a strong guess that the boys would. Definitely something to get the Slytherins with._ _

__“Stick their stuff to the roof?”_ _

__“Nah, that’d take too long.”_ _

__“Put it in their hair gel?”_ _

__“Please, that would help them.”_ _

__“Put it on their quills?”_ _

__“Now there’s an idea!-“_ _

__“Wait,” Remus said. “What if we stick lions and red paraphernalia and stuff all over their robes?”_ _

__“He’s done it again, ladies and gentlemen!” James boomed and clapped his hands. “Moony’s struck genius.”_ _

__Remus nodded curtly. “As I should.”_ _

__“Right you are, cap’n,” Sirius said, subtly flirtatious._ _

__Lyra narrowed her eyes slightly._ _

__Then, she said, “who’s goin’? I went last time, y’all can sort something else out.”_ _

__“I’ll go,” Sirius volunteered. “One of you guys come too, I can’t do that much magic in so little time, contrary to belief.”_ _

__“So vain, Black,” Remus tutted. “I’ll go. ‘S fun.”_ _

__“Aright, Moony,” Sirius clapped. “On y va.”_ _

__They left and James started doing his Defence Against the Dark Arts homework. Well, there was a first for everything._ _

__Actually, on closer inspection, he was writing something addressed to L.E. and Lyra wasn’t sure if she wanted to know what was on it._ _

__“Pete, chess?”_ _

__Peter wrung his hands together, “I promised Evi I would meet her.”_ _

__“Oh, that’s okay,” Lyra said and Peter went to his date. She didn’t fancy studying with Potter or proofreading what was destined to be a very sappy love letter or something a bit spicier. She looked at the time and with a jolt realised this was a perfect time to go for a call with Ace._ _

__“See you, Prongs, be back when I feel like it,” Lyra hurried out the room._ _

__——_ _

__On the day of a prank, waking up was the most glorious feeling. They didn’t get too much backlash and responses from previous pranks, but considering this was pretty hard to ignore, they’d surely be getting some laughs out of it today._ _

__Lyra waited for the boys to get up, bouncing from foot to foot in the common room. Peter came down first._ _

__“What’s taking them so long?” Lyra asked._ _

__“Padfoot tied James’ laces around the bedpost last night and now James can’t get them off,” Peter snorted._ _

__Lyra shook her head. “They have wands, don’t they? Purebloods or not, I think they sometimes forget that they’re wizards.”_ _

__Peter mumbled somewhat of an agreement._ _

__A little later, they came bounding down the stairs as excited as Lyra._ _

__“Come on, I want to see their faces!”_ _

__Down in the great hall, oh what a sight. There were very few Slytherins down for breakfast that day and they would later find out they didn’t attend class out of mortification. The few Slytherins who were in the hall, however, strode the walk of shame as they sat for breakfast. Their red and golden badges and ribbons sparkles vehemently in the light of the floating candles and sun that covered the hall’s roof._ _

__Sirius was wheezing and that set James off, so much they didn’t get chance to eat. The Hufflepuff’s, Ravenclaw’s and other Gryffindor all gave them high fives and thumbs up. They beamed back proudly._ _

__“We’ve got to keep this up, lads,” Lyra said. “This year’s the last of your pranking career.”_ _

__Sirius and James sobered up a bit at this but Remus lit the mood again - Lyra could always count on Remus to do that when she fucked up._ _

__“I dunno, I reckon they’ll be wrecking havoc wherever they are,” he grinned._ _

__On their way out, the marauders were faced by Snape and his cronies._ _

__“The hell do you thing you’re playing at?!” Goyle hissed._ _

__“They think they’re right funny ones,” Crouch spat. “Always with the attention.”_ _

__“You’re not very intimidating,” Remus mused. “Not with our house pride on you especially. And what makes you think it was us?”_ _

__“Don’t talk to me, dirty half breed!”_ _

__“Sectumsempra!” Snape yelled and aimed for James, missing by millimetres and instead hitting Lyra square on the shoulder. She had never heard of the spell before. “Shit,” Snape hissed, “go!”_ _

__“I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO,” James chased after then, around the corner and down lengthy corridors._ _

__Lyra felt warm pooling against her breast. She looked down - her shoulder was split, thick blood oozing out and drenching her shirt and robe, dripping to the floor. It formed a worryingly large puddle at her feet and just looking at it made her go dizzy. Or maybe that was the blood loss. Either way, she fell to the floor with a resounding thud, Remus only just moving in time to stop her head smashing on the stoned floor._ _

__The scars you left._ _

__——_ _

__“James, is that you?” Lyra said drearily._ _

__“Yeah,” he replied anxiously. “Do you want me to get Madame Pomfrey?”_ _

__“I’m fine,” Lyra said and looked to her bandages arm and shoulder. “Hey,” she grinned and nodded to James shoulder where Moony had caught him last month. “We’re matching.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is wonderwall by oasis


	16. [sixteen, december 1977]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys, but it’s all downhill from here 😬🥲

_New money, suit and tie  
I can read you like a magazine  
Ain't it funny? Rumors fly  
And I know you heard about me  
So hey, let's be friends  
I'm dying to see how this one ends_

_So it's gonna be forever  
Or it's gonna go down in flames  
You can tell me when it's over, mmh  
If the high was worth the pain ___

__:::_ _

__December, 1977_ _

__“Why are you staying here?” Asked James._ _

__Lyra shrugged. “I’ve not been told I have to go home and I won’t if I can help it. Didn’t exactly have pleasant visits previously, you would know.”_ _

__James looked pained. “Well, here’s better than there, I guess.”_ _

__Peter and Remus nodded._ _

__“Y’all are going to James’?” she asked Remus and Sirius who nodded. She looked glum. “Just me then, if Peter’s going home.”_ _

__Peter smiled sadly at her. It wasn’t his fault._ _

__“I’ll go busy myself with Regulus,” she said. “I’ll come and see you off at the station tomorrow, though.”_ _

__Lyra got up from the couch and trudged through the courtyard to get to the main building where the dungeons are. If she wasn’t going home and said she would stay at Hogwarts, but was really going to the Potter’s, how do her parents always know? They always did. And if they disregarded her happiness and safety, how was banning her from the Potter’s doing anything for them?_ _

__She knocked on the Slytherin door. “Regulus!...REGULUS-“_ _

__“What?” he swung the door open and hissed. “You’re such an embarrassment, what do you want?”_ _

__Lyra blinked._ _

__“Everyone’s going at Christmas and I wanted to see who was going from here so we might be able to hang out,” she started smiling, “like summer.”_ _

__“Summer was a mistake,” he said stoically._ _

__“What...?”_ _

__Regulus looked at her with something distantly like pity. “One second.”_ _

__Regulus retreated back into the common room and Lyra eavesdropped, pressing her ear right up against the door. Now would’ve been a brilliant time for an extendable ear._ _

__“...just go home, Lucius...”_ _

__“...wants to meet you...”_ _

__“...again...”_ _

__Everything was muffled and she missed bits of the conversation._ _

__“...what if...meeting...”_ _

__“...I’ll...fine...go...”_ _

__“...you made an...”_ _

__“Enough!” Regulus shouted, clear even through the door. “I’m staying here for Christmas. Go without me.” He came back to Lyra. “I’ll tell mother I’m staying to keep you in check. Well? Happy?”_ _

__“Very,” she grinned. “Chess?”_ _

__“You suck, though,” he deadpanned._ _

__Lyra burst out laughing. “Well, that was very honest of you.”_ _

__Regulus hummed. “Well I’m certainly not going to your common room, so come in,” he gestured inside. It was cold and dark and she didn’t really want to go in but if it meant she got to spend time with Regulus, so be it._ _

__She shivered. “Have you guys not heard of fireplaces?”_ _

__“We don’t have the time to complain about the temperature of a room, Lyra,” Regulus gave her a sardonic, ‘really?’ look. “We aren’t going to my room, at least not until everyone else has cleared out tomorrow.”_ _

__“I can work with that,” Lyra said, although she knew Regulus was looking for no approval; he’d do what he liked._ _

__Desks and cupboards and shelving all around the room was stacked high with papers and important looking files that Gryffindor probably hadn’t even heard of. Ornaments and pretty house pride littered surfaces as well._ _

__“How do you find anything in here?” Lyra tutted._ _

__“We normally just summon stuff but don’t-“_ _

__“Accio chess set!”_ _

__The set came flying out of a unit, but so did the rest of the contents - even more papers with tones of ink and signatures on. Not one piece of parchment was blank. It landed with a huge clatter in a pile on the floor._ _

__“Lyra! I said don’t-“_ _

__“What are you doing down here, Black?” Lucius’ voice could be heard. He steeped off the last step. “What making so much- ...what’s that blood traitor doing in here?”_ _

__Regulus looked slightly panicked under his façade._ _

__“Did you let her in?”_ _

__“No,” Lyra rushed. “I let my self in.”_ _

__Lucius ignore her. “And you let her stay?” Lyra went to interrupt and save Regulus again but Lucius cut across her before she could even start. “Out, flea, out!”_ _

__Lyra was offended. “What did you just-“_ _

__“Lyra,” said Regulus in a warning tone._ _

__Lucius drew his wand and Lyra had been traumatised by the image of her mother doing that so much she just ran. Out and back to her own common room. It was nearly curfew, anyway, she wasn’t threatened by Lucius Malfoy. Not at all. Just scarred by her mother’s abhorrence - burned in the back of her mind._ _

__——_ _

__“I’m gonna miss you,” Lyra hugged her friends each and kissed Remus._ _

__“We’ll miss you too, but it’s only two weeks, yeah? And we’re all safe!”_ _

__Lyra nodded and they filed on to the train. She stayed until it set off, waving and watching the Hogwarts Express fade into the rolling hills of Scotland. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around._ _

__“I thought you were happy to see me?”_ _

__“Reggie!” Lyra smiled and flung her arms around him. “Of course I am! I’m just sad to see them go...”_ _

__“It’s not goodbye forever,” Regulus said. “How did I get two drama queens for siblings, eh?”_ _

__She punched his arm playfully but he recoiled significantly, clutching his arm. “Sorry! ...Did I hurt you? Are you already hurt, or...?”_ _

__“Sorry, I was...it was just an overreaction. Don’t worry. Like I said, apparently the dramatic genes runs in the family,” he smiled and that was that, Lyra grinning back at him._ _

__“Let’s go, and I’m forcing you to come to Gryffindor with me and I’ll take no complaints.”_ _

__Regulus huffed. He wouldn’t deny he was curious what other common rooms look like but he was too prideful and loyal to visit others regularly._ _

__When they entered, Regulus almost had to do a double take. It was so warm! And bright! And the view from the window seat, and the colourful chairs and friendly glow of the dying fire embers. He’d secretly always wondered what it’d be like to be in Gryffindor, in line with his brother and sister. But then, Walburga and Orion would be disgraced by all of their heirs. But it probably wouldn’t have been the worst thing, considering in the present he was carrying the burden of a dark, dark secret._ _

__The only reason he really stayed at school this Christmas, was to tell Lyra this secret. She’d probably hate him so so much, but she’d always had a soft spot for her little brother. Perhaps he could guilt trip his way out of it. Plus, keeping it a secret was killing him slowly, the heaviest of chips on his shoulder._ _

__“Why’ve you been so distant lately?” Lyra awoke him from his overthinking. “I’ve barely seen you around school lately. I thought you’d speak to me more after summer.”_ _

__Here goes nothing._ _

__“Lyra...you can’t tell anyone,” he said, eyes boring in to hers to hyperbolised the gravity of the situation._ _

__Lyra sat up a little straighter. She put out her hand to do their mini ‘promise-shake’ from when they were little and Regulus could’ve cried. Very slowly, unsure if he would regret it, he began to roll up his sleeve on his left arm to reveal a tattoo._ _

__Lyra’s eyes widened and she grinned. “Yo! Reg, that’s a rad tattoo, where the hell did you get it! Wait till I tell Sirius that Golden Boy Reggie has a muggle tat-“_ _

__Regulus slapped a hand over his sister’s mouth, eyes screaming for her to shut up, begging. He stared at her until she looked at it again. She squeaked._ _

__“REGULUS! But- That’s-“_ _

__Lyra couldn’t formulate words._ _

__“That’s his, isn’t it? Vol-...Voldemort’s...The mark over the houses, in the Prophet.”_ _

__Regulus swallowed thickly and nodded. “You- you can’t-“_ _

__“I won’t,” Lyra said boldly, but pain flashed across her face. “You’re...you’re leaving me. I’m going to have to fight against you...”_ _

__“No! I swear,” Regulus panicked. “It’s not like that! I-it’s hard to explain. I’m working against him but from the inside, like, a-a...”_ _

__“A double agent?”_ _

__“Yes! I swear,” he grabbed Lyra’s shoulders, “I want him gone as much as anyone else. But, there’s this thing that I’ve be looking at. A way to take him down and the only way it’s happening is getting it directly from him. I got the mark a couple of months ago so I was out of school, that’s why you didn’t see me.”_ _

__“Okay,” Lyra said, baffled. What the fuck?_ _

__“Swear you won’t tell anything, I can’t have my cover blown,” he said hurriedly._ _

__“I swear. I love you too much.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is blank space by taylor swift


	17. [seventeen, january 1978]

_Of freedom and of pleasure  
Nothing ever lasts forever  
Everybody wants to rule the world_

_There's a room where the light won't find you_  
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down  
When they do I'll be right behind you __

:::

__January, 1978_ _

__Lyra had spent so many night in Slytherin with Regulus that she’d grown accustomed to it. It would be a strange shock when she wakes up back in her own room soon, no matter how welcoming._ _

__She and Regulus had been as thick as thieves together, just like summer. Lyra promised herself over and over again to see him more often, even if that meant fighting Regulus’ housemates every time her ‘traitorous’ ass showed up at the entrance._ _

__She’d fallen asleep the previous night on a pillow at the side of Regulus’ bed. He didn’t want to sleep in the same one as her and when she’d fallen asleep accidentally and kicked him it was a definite no and he forced her out. God help her if she ever married and shared a bed - they’d be nothing but a bruised lump._ _

__“Reggie!” she reached up from where she was on the floor and shook Regulus’ leg mercilessly. “It’s today! They’re coming back!”_ _

__Regulus grumbled incoherently into his pillow. It had been New Years last night and whilst they were no Sirius, (stealing alcohol), they hadn’t gone to bed until late - well into the early hours of the morning._ _

__“Must you be so cruel,” he muttered and walked to the bathroom sleepily. He looked like a zombie and Lyra found it oddly hilarious._ _

__Whilst he was getting ready, Lyra packed all her things into her bag. She hadn’t had a lot of homework but she’d helped Regulus study for his OWL’s and a lot of her books had amalgamated on his floor. She scooped them up and shoved them in, dumping it in the corner so she could collect it easily when some nasty Slytherin tells her to get gone._ _

__“Did I leave my toothbrush in there, Reg?” she knocked on. If it was the marauders she probably would’ve walked in - they really didn’t care any more. The amount of times they’d accidentally walked in on each other doing something like getting changed or watching porn was laughable. Regulus however was more private and something as simply as not giving him privacy could hurt their renewed connection._ _

__“Nah, you always take it back,” Regulus replied. “Most of the time, at least. It’s not here.”_ _

__Now she had to walk to Gryffindor in pyjamas with unclean hair and teeth. How flattering._ _

__She pulled on her cloak, however (she and Regulus had watched a fire display sitting on the roof of the Hogshead last night and she hadn’t been back to her room to put it back yet), and started walking back, feet cold as her slippers flopped on the stone floors._ _

__She was still rubbing her eyes tiredly when she reached her destination. She pushed the door open but fell on the floor almost immediately._ _

__“Oh!” she exclaimed. “Who’s this?”_ _

__The familiar trace of shampoo scent told her it was Sirius. Again. The boy had no self control, but it was sweet so she allowed it._ _

__“You’re back early!”_ _

__“I wanted to surprise you,” Sirius grinned. “How was your Christmas? Did you get our presents? Did Reg?” Sirius gushed._ _

__“Yes,” Lyra laughed, “now get off me so I can breathe. The floor’s cold.”_ _

__Sirius rolled away, standing up. “Do anything fun with the quidditch stuff?”_ _

__James had sent ahead the broom he’d promised her back in July. She hadn’t given James and Fleamont the chance to set her up with one and she didn’t dare travel by floo with it, nor give her mother the chance to find it._ _

__Sirius and Remus had also teamed up together, buying her a book and a broom care kit. It was perfect because she’d always liked quidditch but never played, one of the reasons being her parents._ _

__Peter had sent her chocolate and a pranking book with an animated card that burst into song. Regulus had claimed his ears started bleeding._ _

__Remus had sent her something beautiful, though. A golden necklace with a delicate ‘L’ on it. There was an ‘R’ looped through it, like their own personal brand of Louis Vuitton. Lyra was wearing it right now and she never wanted to take it off._ _

__“Yes I got everything, thank you,” she blew cheesy kisses at them. “Did you get mine?”_ _

__“Yes, I literally love you,” said James, striding over for a hug._ _

__“Oh, are you all here?! Was the train early?”_ _

__“Yes,” Remus replied, on the bottom step._ _

__“Moony!” Lyra shouted and ran up to him, arms spread wide. “How was your Christmas?”_ _

__“Great, but it would’ve been better with you,” he bumped their noses together. He went to kiss her but she put a finger on his lips to stop him._ _

__“I haven’t touched a toothbrush since yesterday morning, give me a minute.”_ _

__Remus rolled his eyes and ducked to kiss her cheek instead. He was smiling and Lyra giggled, running up to her room to make her self presentable._ _

__Sirius looked envious from where he watched them. Had what they’d done meant nothing to him?_ _

__“Do you love her?” he asked quietly so James and Peter wouldn’t hear them from where they’d began to play rock paper scissors. He had to remember this was his sister they were talking about._ _

__Remus looked him in the eye and Sirius swore he could see all their memories flashing there. “I think so,” Remus concluded._ _

__Sirius wanted to be sick. Was he joking? “Have you told her?”_ _

__Remus shook his head._ _

__“...Are you going to?”_ _

__Remus thought. “I’m not sure. If it’s long term, then I probably will, won’t I? It’s already been seven months.”_ _

__Wow. Seven months. What was that in comparison to their years? But whatever. She was a girl, it would happen for them, and quickly._ _

__With pain, Sirius said, “just be careful, that’s my sister.”_ _

__Remus dwelled on that._ _

__The next thing they knew, Lyra had come bounding down the stairs, jumping on Remus’ back before smothering him in kisses._ _

__Sirius admitted they were a beautiful couple and they complimented each other well, but he still wished for it to be him instead._ _

__——_ _

__“What class have you got next? Is it due for then?” Lyra quizzed Peter. He was rushing to do his Care of Magical Creatures homework that he’d forgot about in the rush of the holidays._ _

__“No, it’s tomorrow morning though,” Peter said._ _

__“Then what’s the rush?” Lyra frowned. “We always do ours as the professor’s collecting it. Leave it with me, I’ll do it,” she offered. “Or I can get Regulus to look. Better yet, I can do both.”_ _

__“Really?!” Peter beamed at her. “Oh! That means I don’t have to bail on Evi tonight as well! Thank you, Swiper!” He hugged her briefly._ _

__“How is Yvonne?” Lyra shouted as he ran down the stairs._ _

__“Good!” He shouted back._ _

__Lyra sighed, getting up to fish his homework out the pile of papers he’d been digging through. She and a free period, why not help a friend?_ _

__She got them and went down to the Slytherin common room. If they didn’t like it, tough. They’d have to get used to seeing a lot more of her._ _

__“Regulus, do you know much about creatures? 7th year stuff,” she wandered straight into the common room, not giving a toss what people had to say about it. Though that was getting fewer and fewer as they accepted the fate that she was going to come and go as she pleased and that trying to force her to go wasn’t going to work._ _

__“Not really, only if it’s something you’d use in potions, I’m quite good at that,” he answered. “Why?”_ _

__“I said I’d do Wormtail’s homework so it’s on time,” Lyra answered. She brought her bag over to a table._ _

__“Why would you offer to do someone’s homework? And why do you call him Wormtail?” Regulus pulled his face. “I’d be a bit insulted, if I’m honest.”_ _

__Lyra snorted. “Inside joke.”_ _

__“Same one as Swiper?”_ _

__“You heard about that?!”_ _

__Regulus pinched his nose, “it’s pretty hard to ignore when Potter’s hollering it at you to get your attention. What about him, Sirius and Lupin?”_ _

__“Prongs, Padfoot and Moony,” Lyra answered. As long as she wasn’t telling him why..._ _

__“Honestly, where do you even think of these?”_ _

__Lyra smiled to herself. “Go get your books.”_ _

__She pulled her own out onto the table, but there was one she didn’t recognise. A black cover, nothing else on it. She opened it and there were pages of research in illegible handwriting and diagrams of stuff she couldn’t make out._ _

__This wasn’t hers?_ _

__Whatever, it wasn’t her business. It might’ve been one of Regulus’. She’d put it back in his room later._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is everybody wants to rule the world by tears for fears


	18. [eighteen, february 1978]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw:  
> \- curse repercussion detail

_I thought I saw the devil, this morning  
Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue  
With the warning to help me see myself clearer  
I never meant to start a fire  
I never meant to make you bleed _

__:::_ _

__February, 1978_ _

__“But how does it work?” Sirius said, very confused. “How does it just think ‘oh that’s asphodel I’ll turn pink for it, but not when I already have boil pus, then I’ll turn yellow’?”_ _

__Lyra tried to explain the logistics of potions and how different quantities of different ingredients produces different results but it just wasn’t Sirius’ thing, apparently._ _

__“If it’s already a certain colour, then it will change depending on the primary, secondary and tertiary colours in the next ingredient! Then the chemical balance will affect the pigmentation but I don’t think you’re brain’s big enough for that.”_ _

__“Hey!”_ _

__Sirius crossed his arms grumpily. He looked over for James who was working with Lily and made a gesture that Lyra would’ve thought was a gang sign, had she not known them. Remus had fallen asleep on his textbook and Peter was just struggling to do the potion, prodding and hissing ‘Moony!’ in Remus’ ear. He slept like a dead weight._ _

__Sirius had been evading Remus for about two weeks now and Lyra wanted to know what had gone down without sounding too nosy. She didn’t want to get herself into another love triangle, either. She supposed it still sort of exists, she’s just choosing to ignore it._ _

__Sirius still came on full moons and played with Moony, but as soon as they were back as humans, there was suddenly no reason for them to talk. It meant Sirius had been quiet for once, for which Lyra was grateful, but it was just so unlike him._ _

__“Excellent work as always, Miss Black,” Slughorn clapped approvingly, waddling past their table and smiling broadly. What on earth was he always so happy about?_ _

__“I’m just too good,” Lyra drawled sarcastically._ _

__“If you don’t get an O in your potions NEWT’s I’ll kiss the squid in the black lake,” Sirius said._ _

__“In that case, I might purposely fail just to get to see that,” Lyra snorted._ _

__“Sadist.”_ _

__“Fleabag.”_ _

__“No!” Sirius gasped. “You didn’t!” Sirius lunged for her, jumping on her back as if receiving a piggy back ride._ _

__“Argh, get off, you soggy biscuit!”_ _

__Sirius laughed so hard that he fell off her back, landing on his arse, crying._ _

__“I forgot about that,” Sirius wheezed._ _

__A while ago, back in Lyra’s third year, she’d slept on the foot of Sirius’ bed like she always used to (they were too big for that now, but it was always nice to think that she might still be able to). Sirius and James had argued back and forth about whether a thestral or a hippogriff would win a battle and Sirius had unconsciously called James a soggy biscuit before Remus told them it was 3 o’clock and to go to sleep._ _

“What are you and Remus gonna do for valentines?” Sirius asked hesitantly. “Any plans?”

__Suddenly, making them jump, Professor McGonnagall rapped on the dungeon door and Slughorn rushed to open it._ _

__“Hello, Minerva, what can I do for y-“_ _

__“Miss Black!”_ _

__The whole class went quiet. Lyra looked up - oh no, what did she do? Was she in trouble? She couldn’t be. They hadn’t even pranked anyone in ages._ _

__“Come with me. I think you had better too, Sirius,” McGonnagall said sternly._ _

__She hadn’t called Sirius ‘Mr Black’ since he had been disowned. She’d started calling him Sirius (a couple of times she’d even said ‘Mr Potter’ and he beamed at her). Today wasn’t a day to be happy about what your name was, though._ _

__A sinking feeling engulfed Lyra. She and Sirius left their things in place, their potion starting to bubble over but not even Slughorn noticed._ _

__The silence was so loud. Too loud._ _

__Lyra squeezed Sirius’ hand and he gave a feeble shake back, not trusting himself to speak or even open his mouth._ _

__“Professor, is it something to do with my- ...with Lyra’s parents?” Sirius asked. This was definitely an emergency; nothing was every that solemn or imperative that Sirius called McGonnagall ‘Professor’ and not ‘Minnie’._ _

__Also, whilst it was true, Lyra despised how she and Sirius didn’t share the same parents anymore._ _

__They followed McGonnagall to Dumbledore’s office. “It’s not, no,” she said. What could it be?_ _

__“Snapping jellywinx,” McGonnagall said and the gargoyle spun to reveal a staircase. You’d think the amusing password would lighten the mood. It did not._ _

__“Ah, Minerva. And Mr and Miss Black,” Dumbledore said. (Lyra had half expected to see Regulus waiting for them, too. It seemed to be a ‘family’ gathering.) “I’m not sure I have the vocabulary to explain this situation, so I think I best show you. Follow me.”_ _

__Dumbledore got up and led them out of his office. They followed him down lots of corridors and oh- they were going to the hospital wing._ _

__Fuck._ _

__When Dumbledore opened the doors, all she saw was a body covered with white sanitary sheets and Madame Pomfrey performing a large diagnostic spell over the length of their body._ _

__Lyra and Sirius walked closer, step by step. Lyra let out a horrified squeak and her stomach flipped uncomfortably._ _

__“Reg...”_ _

__Regulus’ still body was covered except for his hand which Pomfrey had uncovered to show them. It had turned charcoal black and looked like molten rock. From that stemmed black, spidery veins under his skin, inching closer to his heart every second. It looked like they were his real veins; poisoned._ _

__“What...?”_ _

__Lyra was about to cry and Sirius was so pale he was almost translucent._ _

__The scars you left._ _

__——_ _

__“I have no idea what this is or how it’s happened,” Pomfrey said. “It’s definitely going to be fixable, but it’s dark magic. It could take a while.”_ _

__Lyra wiped her brow and fell into a chair, not sure how much longer her legs would hold her up right._ _

__“Who did it?” Sirius demanded._ _

__“Mr Snape-“_ _

__“I’LL KILL HIM-“_ _

__“SIRIUS! No,” Lyra hissed._ _

__“As I was saying,” Madame Pomfrey continued, “Mr Snape came in awfully panicked and said he found Regulus like this, the blackness spreading rapidly. It’s slowed down significantly now, but I don’t know what will happen when it reaches his heart. If it does.”_ _

__Of course it will, Lyra thought. Shit like this only happens to them._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is i’ll be good by james young


	19. [nineteen, march 1978]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> really short, sort of sus tho

_I'll use you as a warning sign  
That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind  
And I'll use you as a focal point  
So I don't lose sight of what I want  
And I've moved further than I thought I could  
But I missed you more than I thought I would  
And I'll use you as a warning sign ___

__:::_ _

__March, 1978_ _

__Lyra hadn't spoken fully understandable sentences since Regulus had been taken ill, if it could count as that. She'd been quiet for so long and the marauders were worried. As happy as that made her, to know they did still care, it wouldn't restore Regulus' health_ _

__James still had it out for Snape, and Lyra can vouch that the fighting was getting more one sided as it progressed - Snape started to retaliate less and less. Lyra wasn't sure about him - he seemed to be as struck and silent as Lyra, despite being in the perfect position to be blamed._ _

__She wasn’t attacking him or speaking to him, but she wasn't really speaking to anyone. She kept her head down, drifting off to dark places in her mind where endless possibilities loomed over head:_ _

__What if Snape was just a really good actor and attacked Regulus all along?_ _

__What if it was Lucius because Regulus had shouted at him and told him to leave without him?_ _

__What if it was mother and father, and they'd finally turned on their last child?_ _

__...What if Regulus had done it to himself?_ _

__The only voice of hers she was hearing was the taunting devil inside her head, spewing possibilities all over her whilst the angel had gone mute, just like her._ _

__She had to talk to Snape and Crouch. They spent the most time with Regulus and Snape had actually been there. Maybe he knew something they didn't. That he couldn't tell the professors, but he could possibly tell Lyra._ _

__Lyra scribbled down 'the room' on a piece of parchment. Snape may be a git, and as much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, he wasn’t stupid. She scrunched it up and lobbed it across the room where it hit his greasy head. He turned around and glared daggers at her but unfolded it, reading it. When he turned back his expression was a slight frown, otherwise unreadable._ _

__Lyra continued her work in silence, ignoring Peter who kept bothering her about why she was having severest with Snape of all people._ _

__——_ _

__“What?”_ _

__Lyra’s voice cracked as she used it for the longest time she had all month. “Do you know anything about what happened to him or what it was that cursed him?”_ _

__“No,” Snape said, offended. “As much as you like to think I don’t have a heart, I like Regulus and he’s bearable. You don’t know him like I do.”_ _

__That made Lyra furious. “You think I don’t know him?!” He throat protested at the sudden volume in which her words were being forced out._ _

__“No,” Snape rolled his eyes, “you don’t know him like I do. You know the side of him that’s a brother and whatever. I know him as the boy...as the boy I work with. He’s smart and talented enough that there’s no way he would’ve let anyone curse him. They wouldn’t have been able to.”_ _

__Lyra nodded. That was fair. What if Snape was just trying to cover his tracks, though?_ _

__“You said you know him as the boy you work with,” Lyra said. “What do you work on?”_ _

__“...That’s none of your business, Black,” Snape spat. “But school work, mostly.”_ _

__“Have you seen him with anything that could be useful or any indication to what happened? Is there, I dunno, an experiment he’s been working on or something?”_ _

__Snape glared at her. “Do you not think I would’ve already asked myself this?”_ _

__“Well, yeah, but...” Lyra did, but double checking was always important. Just like proofreading. Plus, if he faltered at any of her questions, she’d know he’s lying._ _

__“I know as much as you do.”_ _

__Lyra found that hard to believe._ _

__——_ _

__“He’ll be okay, you know,” Remus said and stroked down her back as she lay on his chest, falling and rising with his breathing. “You won’t rest until you’ve done all you can, and I have faith in you. You’ll be able to do it.”_ _

__Lyra smiled. She’d started talking properly again now, no longer in shock or too over in her head and thoughts. “Thank you, darlin’,” she squeezed her arms around him just a little bit tighter._ _

__“Did you get anywhere with Snape? I... I saw you throw something at him to get his attention in class and then sneak off somewhere after.” Remus spoke hesitantly, probably thinking that if he said the wrong thing, she’d stop talking again. Honestly, give her a reason and she wouldn’t._ _

__“He said he knows as much as I do, but Regulus was always secretive and his sketchy friends aren’t any better,” Lyra bit her lip. “I think he’s still hiding something. Can you go get James and Sirius and Peter? I just want to tell them and apologise for being ignorant with them-“_ _

__“You don’t have to apologise,” Remus said firmly. “It’s not your fault.”_ _

__“I know, but I still want to,” Lyra replied and got up so Remus could go and get them._ _

__He returned a little later and they began to talk about all the things they’d seen that could be related which was unhelpful and very little._ _

__“No one knows anything?” Lyra asked in disbelief. “You haven’t seen anything? Any of us?”_ _

__“I guess they just keep their heads down, can’t blame ‘em,” James said gently. “What about you? You’re always in Slytherin these days, and you haven’t seen anything?”_ _

__“They’re all like that,” Lyra said, annoyed. “Secretive and private. Everything they own is either on their person or hid in a secret nook in the common room, I swear. And they don’t tell anyone anything, or at least they rarely do. And they always have secret little rendezvous’ every now and then and disappear to places no one can find them. Everything and everyone is suspicious in their own way but it’s like I’ve been confunded - I can’t put a finger on anything.”_ _

__Lyra shook her head, could she really not figure what was happening for the sake of her brother? Was she so pathetic? Did she not care enough?_ _

__She would sell her soul for him._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is i found by amber run


	20. [twenty, april 1978]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- tea has been spilt

_Head in the clouds but my gravity centered  
Touch my neck and I'll touch yours  
You in those little high waisted shorts_

_Oh, she knows what I think about  
And what I think about  
One love, two mouths  
One love, one house  
No shirts, no blouse  
Just us, you find out  
Nothing I really wanna tell you about no  
'Cause it's too cold, whoa  
For you here ___

__:::_ _

__April, 1978_ _

__James whooped and Sirius yelled at the top of his lungs and Remus poured a whole bottle of champagne into the quidditch cup. They'd won the quidditch cup and Gryffindor was having a massive party that would last for a day at least._ _

__James, as their captain, drunk out of the cup first with a goofy, beaming smile and passed it down to the other members of the team who drunk willingly. This was the only circumstance he would drink, and it was just one gulp from the team cup._ _

__James jumped from the table, running over to Lyra, "WE WON!"_ _

__"I KNOW, POTTER, BUT YOUR MUSIC HAS DEAFENED ME BEYOND MEASURE," she yelled back. James shrugged, still beaming at her. He'd just lead the team to a victory in his last year at Hogwarts - nothing was going to stop him having a good time._ _

__Whereas Lyra was happy just for her friends. She was smiling at them all, talking animatedly and dancing, but she really just wanted to sleep and watch over Regulus. It wasn't fair that the word was still having fun without him, despite the fact he probably wouldn't have joined them anyway._ _

__In the morning, everyone had an immense hangover. Lyra was still in sat on the boys' bathroom floor when James called her out._ _

__"Skedaddle, Swiper, it's Padfoot's turn to yack," he said, followed by Sirius who ran into the bathroom with his head over the toilet, throwing up all the alcohol from last night._ _

__James didn't drink, and Remus never had a hangover. Ever. Lyra was jealous. She cringed at the awful noise Sirius made and turned the other way, falling back asleep. Or at least trying to._ _

__"Lyra," Remus said and pulled her up by her arm. The world was alarmingly clear in comparison to last night. He sat her on his bed. "Sleep there, if you want. Take that hangover potion." He pointed to the vial on the table near her and fidgeted nervously with his fingers._ _

__"What's wrong?" she asked._ _

__"Nothing."_ _

__Lyra was too tired to be bothered. Instead, she drank the hangover potion and a sleeping drought and drifted off in seconds._ _

__——_ _

__Lyra woke up again at six o'clock in the evening and rushed down to dinner before she was late._ _

__"Why didn't you wake me?!" Lyra accused as she tried to blend in and sit down as discreetly as possible._ _

__"We're not allowed in the girls' room," Peter said._ _

__"I wasn't in there!"_ _

__James raised his eyebrows then smirked. "Oh?"_ _

__"Oh shut up," Lyra hit him and blushed. "I was sleeping."_ _

__"With Moony," he coughed and Lyra proceeded to hit him more. She then gathered up some food and piled it onto her plate. Normally she'd eat with more dignity but she was starving._ _

__"Christ, you're as bad as Remus yourself," James made an off handed remark. Remus self consciously started to slow down eating but Lyra continued to wolf it down, glaring at James whilst doing so. She didn't give a fuck, she had hangover for Godric's sake and eggs did wonders for that._ _

__When she'd finished, although she'd acquired indegestion, she felt tons better. "Never again," she said._ _

__The marauders grinned at her._ _

__"Oh, this won't be the last time," Sirius cackled. "We've got the rest of our lives to live."_ _

__"How can you say that?! You almost had to get your stomach pumped!" Lyra gaped._ _

__Sirius wafted a dismissive hand. "It's whatever. Not like I'll die."_ _

__"You could've- alcohol poisoning- ...never mind," Lyra pinched her nose. "Anyway. Mary said she wanted to catch up with me, I gotta bolt."_ _

__They all waved vague goodbyes and said they'd meet her in the common room later. Lyra went back to her dorm where she found Mary and Koley on Mary's bed. They didn't look too happy._ _

__Koley whispered something to Mary and left, a pitiful smile directed at Lyra on her way out._ _

__"Um, what's happening?" Lyra said warily and sat down in Koley's previous space. "What's wrong?"_ _

__"I don't know how much of this you know, or how you feel about it, but something happened at the party last night and I'm not sure you'll be to happy to know about it," Mary said ominously._ _

__"Spit it out," Lyra was nervous now._ _

__"You went upstairs with Sirius and when he came back down, he said you'd passed out in the bathroom and to not bother you. The next thing I know he's snogging Remus senseless and Remus didn't protest and actually looked like he was enjoying it. No one else seemed to care and I don't think they remember because of the firewiskey, but I just thought you should know," Mary finished. "And before you shout at them, even though you have every right, remember they were under the influence. We all were."_ _

__Lyra sighed, burying her hands in her face. It was bound to happen at some point. Sirius had been good about keeping his distance but if he wasn't with it, Lyra couldn't exactly blame him. But Remus? She'd slowly been falling for him. She was pretty sure she loved him, even though she knew it would end up like this. This mess with Sirius. Anger suddenly bubbled up - why couldn't they have been more responsible?_ _

__Tears burned Lyra's eyes and she stood up. "Thank you for telling me, Mary, I appreciate it," and then she left._ _

__"Remus," she said quietly on the stairs. She gestured him over when he looked up._ _

__They went into the boys' dorm and straight away her placid façade shattered. She slammed the door unintentionally with her magic and locked it, performing an unspoken silencing spell._ _

__"HOW COULD YOU?!" she bellowed and tears streamed down her face. “Especially with what’s happening with Regulus! I- are you fucking with me right now?!”_ _

__"Lyra, I-"_ _

__"YOU SAID- you-"_ _

__"I know. The guilt is killing me," Remus said and began to cry a little himself. He slid to his knees and clasped Lyra's hand. "You don't have to forgive me, just know I'm sorry."_ _

__Lyra snatched her hand back, stumbling. "I-I loved you."_ _

__Remus did a double take. "NO! Please, you can't. I'm awful, I'm so sorry, Lyra. I didn't know I-"_ _

__"You had to know I loved you in order for you to not cheat on me?"_ _

__Remus looked down._ _

__"And you admit you did do it?"_ _

__Remus nodded small._ _

__"That's cold, Lupin. Go to hell."_ _

__Lyra stormed out and everything in her pathway blew up from the concentration of her magic. Her tears spilled angrily as she tried furiously to get them to stop. Now would've been the perfect time for a hug from Regulus and complaining about boys. But Regulus was in a fucking coma. So she marched straight out of the common room and headed to the Honeyduke's passage way. She had to call Ace, her best substitute._ _

__When she got there, she dialled his number and sat on the wall, talking to him for hours._ _

__"Ace?"_ _

__"Hiya, gorgeous," came his slightly raspy, croaky voice and all the anger diffused from her._ _

__"What're you doing right now?" Anything, just anything to distract her._ _

__"Sortin' out some food for the next week," he replied. "What's wrong wiv you? Ya sound all riled up."_ _

__"You're not wrong," Lyra grumbled. "Remus."_ _

__"Oh, your posh boy?"_ _

__"Yeah," Lyra muttered._ _

__"Wha' happen'd?"_ _

__"He cheated."_ _

__"Oh, look," Ace began. "High school boys ain't shit, duck, ya don't need 'em. Trust us, I know."_ _

__Lyra smiled to herself. Ace always knew what to say. Plus, she liked the little pet names he was always spitting, even if he said them to everyone. It showed he was well bred, despite not being raised proper. True charm. Stupid, beautiful charm. Any boy would be lucky to even get looked at the right way by Ace._ _

__"Oh yeah? Tell me about some of them," Lyra said. That would surely make her feel better. Hopefully._ _

__"Where do I start, gawsh. Well, there was this one boy, Teddy Sullivan..."_ _

__——_ _

__Lyra was grinning goofily after her call with Ace - he'd told her some book worthy tales of Teddy Sullivan, Topher Reid and one about Lawson, too._ _

__She entered the common room and went straight up to her dorm room. She wanted to put off any conversation for as long as possible._ _

__"L," Koley said as she walked in. "Lupin was bothering me about giving you a letter so I put it on your bed. See you after quidditch."_ _

__Ah. Quidditch. James and Sirius wouldn't be back for a couple of hours. Hopefully Peter and Remus neither._ _

__She walked over to her bed and stared down the letter before deciding reading it was probably better than not._ _

__-_ _

___Lyra,_ _ _

___I'm so fucking sorry. You don't realise. I didn't know you felt that way about me - so strongly. But even so, it was unfair of me to do what I did._ _ _

___I don't know where to start with this, but I have a funny story you should hear._ _ _

___Before I start it, though, I want to make it clear that I'm not trying to excuse myself or victimise myself, just offering my point of view._ _ _

___I love you. I really do. But what happened made me realise it's just that : I love you, and I'm not in love with you. Platonic. I thought I was, but I think I was trying to pull myself away from the bigger picture instead._ _ _

___See, back in fifth year, I had an obsession with Sirius. Everything he did. I didn't think much of it (Peter idolised James too and I thought it was the same thing, honestly) and I was embarrassed if anything. One time, when we were alone, he said 'I want to just try something. Let me...please.' I'm not going to go into excruciating detail, but I think you can take a guess at what happened._ _ _

___After that, every now and then, we would hook up. It became more frequent in sixth year, but then he started hooking up with all those girls, you remember? I couldn't compete with them. I gave up, and my interests turned elsewhere. You. His sister, my best friend of all people._ _ _

___When we started dating, Sirius tried to avoid me and it was mutual. I didn't want to fall into the trap of cheating on you. A week later, he came to me and told me he was gay. I still continued to avoid him. Now he’d accepted that fact, he would be more inclined to start things up again._ _ _

___I kept him away until Summer last year. Sirius visited my house and I visited the Potter’s once or twice and...I slept with him. I gave in. I couldn’t do it. It’s not like you were bad, or didn’t give me what I wanted, but Sirius is different._ _ _

___That was until it happened again at Christmas. I felt awful for so long afterwards. I was going to tell you when we got to school, and it’s no excuse, but I wussed out. When I finally got the courage to do it, Regulus was taken ill._ _ _

___After that, whenever we touched, I felt his touch. Your hugs felt like his, your kisses felt like his. I thought I was sick. It was the most disgusting thing I could’ve done to you and Sirius, and it was hurting me, too._ _ _

___I got myself into the situation, but I didn’t know how to get out._ _ _

___I can apologise day in day out but I accept that there’s nothing I can do to make it up to you. In fact, I’m asking you not to accept my apology. I don’t want you to. I don’t deserve it._ _ _

___I just wanted to explain how tied up in this triangle I was. I was in love with him, but I chose you, because you’re a girl and everything would be easy. The world is too cruel for me and him to live and love in, too cold. I know Sirius confessed to you that he likes me, and I’m sorry for the argument you had._ _ _

___Hurting either of you was never my intention, yet I seemed to hurt both of you._ _ _

___All along I was trying to fight the intrusive thoughts - I’m...bisexual? I have a girlfriend, but I’m in love with her brother. And I always have been, despite trying to battle and fight it with futile longing. You were just my only hope to make it go away, but it didn’t work. I didn’t want to be gay in any form, it would just be easier to live with. I thought being with you would fix that, fix me, but it didn’t work. Instead I started this whole catastrophe that only ended in the people I love getting hurt._ _ _

___I’m sorry I technically used you and further cheated on you. I deserve all the hate you give me and I won’t do anything to stop you._ _ _

___I realise at this point I’m over sharing, and this is really private and I feel vulnerable writing this, but I owe it to you._ _ _

___Deepest regrets,_ _ _

___Remus  
x ____ _

____-_ _ _ _

____The little ‘x’ at the end sent her._ _ _ _

____She was just a little pawn. A piece in his game. But, all fair, he was an emotional wreckage and he’d been through some turmoil. It was his own fault, but once you made one tiny, rookie mistake and told one little white lie, you’ve dug your own grave. Lyra found it hard to process._ _ _ _

____She wasn’t mad, she realised. She was deeply hurt, offended, and frustrated. But she want mad. And she really wished her brother and best friend happiness - it was hard to find such pure love in such a cruel world. What they had was pure, too. Much more than she and Remus had had. Much more than anyone had known. She thought Remus had chosen her in the long run, and only had memories with Sirius that were just hard to forget. But, in the end, he was in love with him, and there was nothing she could do to change that._ _ _ _

____She pressed her lips into a thin line and grabbed a quill._ _ _ _

____-_ _ _ _

_____Remus,_ _ _ _ _

_____You’re forgiven. I’m not mad, I promise. I want you and Sirius to be together and be happy. Happiness is all I’ll ever want for you._ _ _ _ _

_____I am hurt, of course. That much was to be expected. I’m glad you told me about the edges of your history because now I can understand more. Whilst I’m sure it goes deeper than the surface you scratched with me, I can already see how much you love him. I couldn’t split you up - I could never do that when you’re literally destined to be together, especially if it meant you were unhappy. I feel bad enough as it is; you were stuck with me when you guys could’ve been making memories. You deserve the world, really._ _ _ _ _

_____And it’s me, but it’s also you._ _ _ _ _

_____We’re not the people we always were. Relationships don’t always adapt to circumstances and unfortunately, those rules apply to us, too._ _ _ _ _

_____I need a break from everything, so when I don’t speak to you, don’t think I’m mad. And if you want my opinion on Sirius? Please, go for it. It wouldn’t be kind to the world if you didn’t._ _ _ _ _

_____Plus, whilst it wasn’t comparable to what you did, I sort of cheated too. It was once, and it was only a kiss, but whilst we’re confessing, I may as well. It’s the guy from the train that I met in the summer, the one I talk to on the phone. We’re friends now. At the time, I felt horribly guilty and to this day I’m still very sorry._ _ _ _ _

_____Please don’t try to find me and talk to me after this, I want to be by myself. Tell Sirius the same, please._ _ _ _ _

_____If we’re understanding of each other, we have both forgiven each other. I just don’t want to talk, respect that._ _ _ _ _

_____\- Swiper. ____ _ _ _

______-_ _ _ _ _ _

______She folded the paper and went to the empty boys’ room, placing it under Remus’ pillow._ _ _ _ _ _

______She sighed heavily._ _ _ _ _ _

_______The scars you left. ____ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is sweater weather by the neighbourhood


	21. [twenty one, may 1978]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short but it happened guys :))

_When I'm tired and thinking cold  
I hide in my music, forget the day  
And dream of a girl I used to know  
I closed my eyes and she slipped away  
She slipped away _

__:::_ _

__May 1978_ _

__Lyra wasn't talking to the marauders still. She was rendered speechless. She did speak to James sometimes, though, and he checked in. It was nice to talk to him but he often had to go back and forth like an owl between the three of them and it made Lyra feel bad. In the end, she decided just to cut all ties with them. Well, maybe not all of them, but she found it better if she just left them alone._ _

__In lieu, she'd been talking to Mary and Koley more. Mary would tell her about stories from when she was little and Lyra would listen with interest - she loved little anecdotes. Koley wasn't very talkative even if she was confident. When the three of them talked, however, she'd often slip a little story of Dao in there._ _

__She confided in Mary and Koley about Remus and Sirius and told them she wasn't on (voluntary) speaking terms with them._ _

__"We'll make up for them," Mary had smiled._ _

__They were great, but surely nothing would amount to the hole in her heart they'd leave. Because, after June, she wouldn't see them every day._ _

__"We're gonna need some new hobbies, though," Mary said. "How about I introduce you to Marlene? Have you met yet?"_ _

__Lyra shook her head. "She's in year 5, right?"_ _

__Mary nodded. "C'mon, you'll love her. Koley?"_ _

__"Sorry," she said ruefully. "Potter's got us up all hours and then I've got a date with Dao. Tell me about her later though, yeah?"_ _

__Lyra and Mary nodded and went next door to Marlene's dormitory._ _

__"Marls?" Mary knocked._ _

__A second later, a beautiful girl with bright blonde curls and a dashing smile opened the door._ _

__"Oh, hey Mary, what's up?" she said, blue eyes shining._ _

__"We've got to cheer up a lost puppy," Mary replied dragging Lyra into the room with her. "So, this is Lyra..."_ _

__——_ _

__Remus mulled over Lyra's letter in his head still. She kissed someone else? They were over? He should go for Sirius?_ _

__"What are you going to do, Moony?" James asked. He was returning from his post quidditch shower - the ones in the changing rooms had been broken so he had to use the dorm ones. He’d dragged in a bunch of dirt with him which Sirius had complained about grandly. He hated unhygienic things with was funny considering the sort of things he used in their pranks._ _

__"I don't know what I should do," Remus said. "What do you think?"_ _

__"Do what you want to do," James encouraged. "We all support you, and even Lyra does. Just in silence."_ _

__Remus soaked this up. He should talk to Sirius. He should do it._ _

__James left the room._ _

After a few minutes of thoughtful thinking, Lyra entered the room looking for James. “Hey, do you- oh...hi...”

Remus stared, throat dry. “Hello.” When she didn’t respond, he continued, “look, I know I’ve already apologised, but-“

“-but you don’t need to do it again,” Lyra said. 

“You deserve it, though,” Remus rushed. “A thousand times more. And the rest.”

Lyra held his gaze and began slowly. “I see the way you looked at him, as if he put the stars in the sky and painted the sun, and that’s when I knew you were never really mine.”

After that, she left and the bottom of Remus’ heart fell through. 

——

__It was hours later when Sirius walked in, but it didn't feel like it to Remus who was battling a nervous sickness in his stomach. It happened all too quickly._ _

__“Can I talk about something with you?”_ _

__Remus looked up. “Oh, uh, yeah.”_ _

__“I’m really sorry about how everything went down with Lyra,” Sirius sat next to him on the bed. “Neither of you deserved it and I sort feel like I should be blamed.”_ _

__“That’s funny,” Remus said wryly. “She blames herself and I blame me. Guess we’re all looking at this from another point of view, eh?”_ _

__“I was a big factor though, wasn’t I? I’m really sorry. Honestly. I’m a home wrecker.”_ _

__“Look,” Remus began, irritated, “if you’re here to talk about me and Lyra, you may as well just leave now.”_ _

__“Oh,” Sirius withdrew. “Sorry...I’ll go.”_ _

__“Fuck,” Remus hit himself. “No. Come back. Please. I’ve fucked this up once, I’m not going to do it again.”_ _

__Sirius didn’t sit back down, instead standing in front of Remus._ _

__“I wrote an apology letter to Lyra and she wrote one back - you can read them after if you want,” Remus began. Was he going to be able to get through this? “I told her about us and that I cheated on her and everything and I felt so fucking horrible and, like, remorseful. It was so wrong of me. But I tried to explain why. Whilst it’s totally inexcusable, I told her that...I was in love with you.”_ _

__Sirius’ eyes were as wide as galleons. “What?!”_ _

__“And I still am,” Remus swore. “I told her I thought I could get myself out of it by dating her but it just made my obsession for you intensify. My love for you. I crave you, Sirius. I need you.”_ _

__“But...” Sirius was lost for words. “How can you love me? I was horrible with you ‘cause, I mean...all them girls.”_ _

__“I don’t know,” Remus said. “They say love is blind, but I think it’s fate. You asked me what I thought about love, and I said it’s dead. It’s not. The world is still too cruel for it to be harmonious, but it still puts up a fight. I know in the end, the world wants me to be with someone like Lyra, but for me, it’s you.”_ _

__“It’s always been us, Moony, hasn’t it?”_ _

__Sirius stepped forwards to hold Remus’ hands in his._ _

__Remus continued, “I could fight it forever, but it doesn’t change anything. It’ll only end in hurt. That’s why I thought love was futile. But if we strive, we could over come it. I think we could.”_ _

__“Well, you know I already believe in soulmates,” Sirius said and got down on his knees to Remus’ eye level. “And I love you.”_ _

__After that, Sirius inched closer until he couldn’t any more and trapped Remus in a heart healing kiss. He further flattened him onto the bed, hugged him close and not letting go._ _

__Remus didn’t protest, instead lying still and hugging Sirius back who was now lying peacefully on his chest as their breathing started to sync. “She said I should go for it, y’know. Lyra. With you.”_ _

__“Well I’m glad you did,” Sirius smiled to himself. “Because now I can do this whenever I want,” he stretched up and kissed Remus again, smiling into it._ _

__Bliss._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is more than a feeling by boston  
> \- my wolf star heart 🤚 you’re welcome


	22. [twenty two, june 1978]

_I'm just so tired to share my nights  
I wanna cry and I wanna love  
But all my tears have been used up  
On another love, another love  
All my tears have been used up _

__:::_ _

__June, 1978_ _

__She could see it. The change. In the way they moved, the way they spoke, their proximity, their comfort. They'd definitely talked and Lyra could see it. They'd definitely done it - her brother and ex-lover._ _

__They were together and it made Lyra feel weak._ _

__She was proud and happy for them, but she didn't talk about it. Instead, she spectated from a distance as their relationship grew without her. All of them, in fact. Not just Sirius and Remus. They tried ineffectively to reach out to her, but she told them no._ _

__She needed space and that space might've just cost her forever._ _

__They were going to live and evolve without her. Somehow she was fine with that. She still had Regulus._ _

__Regulus._ _

__He was still taken ill and she rarely left his bedside except for class anymore. She even did her homework there, watching over his seemingly lifeless form with broken hope. Madame Pomfrey would usher her out after 9 o'clock, and she'd be left alone to be consumed by her ever growing concerns again._ _

__How? How would she fix this? She wouldn't let him be left unconscious for the rest of his life. Not before she got to say goodbye. Lyra shook her head; he wasn't going to die._ _

__Snape hadn't been useful at all, but he visited Regulus frequently. Lyra was on the fence as to whether he actually had a heart or if he just kept coming back to poison him with whatever he did in the first place to ensure he didn't awake again. She didn't have any proof of anything to hold against anyone, though. Least of all Snape who was ridiculously private and isolated. Lyra didn't understand how Lily was once friends with him - James was definitely an upgrade._ _

__There had to be a cure. Madame Pomfrey had said there was but it wouldn't be ready until July at the earliest, so Lyra would be waiting with patience. Or at least she would be as patient as she could be because surely this would end in her impending doom. She would do very much anything to speed up the process and she'd been trying to work out what. When she visited, she would observe the black that now engulfed his left arm, and was slowly creeping up his neck and splaying out across his chest, perilously close to his heart. Lyra had never seen anything like it before but she'd been doing research where and when she could. The words of ancient curse breaking books still clouded her vision._ _

__...A guide to scrofungulus..._ _

__...An aid to lycanthrope..._ _

__...St Mungo's official log of patients, 1934 to 1940..._ _

__Not in any healer, charms, defence against the darks arts, black magic, potions or joke book was an example of even a similar case of what had happened to Regulus. No pictures, nothing. No comparable descriptions. One was close: 'dark, spider like vines', but Regulus' were under his skin and impossible to get to whereas the one in the book showed thorns digging into an arm._ _

__There was an ominous feeling that had been stirring in Lyra this whole time. A wicked feeling. Like she knew how to get the answer but just couldn't quite put a finger on it. It irked her so._ _

__She jumped._ _

__Wait._ _

__"Fuck," she said, jumping up from the common room couch._ _

__James looked up from where he was huddled with Sirius, no doubt planning a scheme, not giving a flying fuck about Regulus. "...Lyra?-"_ _

__"Fucking fuck fuck fuck," she cursed to herself, sprinting out of the common room. She couldn't hear James trying to follow her and she didn't expect him to, but what she did would seem very questionable to anyone so she wouldn't be surprised if he did tail her._ _

__Lyra had remembered something. The black book. That was undeniably Regulus', what if it helped? What if that's what he'd been doing when he got injured? She bolted and pounded on the Slytherin door._ _

__"Oi, skanks! Let me in!" This was too important for them to waste time being bitches to her._ _

__When they didn't respond, she forced it open with a spell Remus had taught her. It always worked very well. Inside was empty which she found highly unsettling, but her panic returned as she sped to his room. No one was in there either. What the fuck? She rifled through his drawers, leaving a careless mess behind._ _

__She found it and opened it straight away, rushed. Her eyes scanned the pages._ _

__"....What? No no no," she muttered. She forgot - none of the pages made sense. It looked like just a bunch of scribbles. Book in hand, she ran to Madame Pomfrey. "Madame Pomfrey!!" She skidded through the hospital wing doors having run from there to Slytherin._ _

__"Oh! You gave me a fright," Madame Pomfrey said, "what is it?"_ _

__"This!" Lyra pelted forwards, screeching to a half at Regulus' bed in front of her. "I-I know it's in here. I picked it up one time but I can't read it. It's Regulus' and it's got all this stuff inside that I just can't decipher, like, I know it's-"_ _

__"Breathe, Black," Madame Pomfrey interrupted. "Let me see."_ _

__Lyra handed over the book and watched Madame Pomfrey's eyes go wide as she inspected it._ _

__"What is it? Do you know?" Lyra asked, still panting slightly from the journey there._ _

__"You should be proud of your brother," Madame Pomfrey concluded, but she didn't look happy. "This is very advanced magic. Follow me."_ _

__Lyra followed her into the back room which was apparently her office. Madame Pomfrey sat down in her chair and took out her wand. She aimed it to her head and muttered a long string of Latin that Lyra had no hope of remembered. A thin, blue light travelled from the wand, circled around her eyes and travelled down her arm to where her index finger was pointed on the cover of the book. The blue light flowed out, pouring all over the book. It stayed like that for a minute, concealing it until the blue vanished and the book was clear again._ _

__Except this time, the book looked completely different._ _

__The book didn’t look neat and only a little rough around the edges. It was completely destroyed almost, hanging on by a thread. The previously new black cover was coated in splotches of ink - an inky handprint included. The pages were all crumpled and rifled about but when Lyra opened it this time, she saw Regulus’ perfected scrawl gracing the pages and explicit diagrams of magical processes that surely had to be his original work._ _

__THERE IT IS!_ _

__Lyra’s brain collapsed when she saw it. A body edged by black as the tainted veins crawled closer to the centre._ _

__‘Maledicta Negrae’, read the title. The black curse._ _

__Madame Pomfrey read it with her. “Look,” she pointed to the corner of the page, “he never found the cure.”_ _

__Lyra paled and began to panic. “Does that mean-“_ _

__“No. He was a child, he wouldn’t know that the solution is simpler than he thought, though still very complex. He did well to get this far,” she pointed to the labels and lists surrounding the diagram. So many potion ingredients and obscure spells had been noted. “He’s got more than half of it, but it looks like he poisoned himself along the way.”_ _

__Lyra really wished she wouldn’t say poisoned like that._ _

__“Slughorn and I have been working together with a fellow charms teacher to quicken the cure,” Madame Pomfrey said. “It will be ready sooner, but...”_ _

__For fuck’s sake. “But what?”_ _

__“There’s only a fifty-fifty chance he’ll make it.”_ _

__Lyra went dizzy and stumbled a second. “You mean...after everything...”_ _

__“Yes,” she nodded sadly. “He was a great boy, really. So sad.”_ _

__Fury constricted Lyra’s throat. “Don’t you think I know that! And don’t talk about him in the past tense, it’s like you’ve already given up on him,” Lyra seethed and marched out of the hospital wing._ _

__“Lyra!”_ _

__She turned around, shaking._ _

__“What happened?” James asked, unsure of himself. It twisted Lyra’s self image._ _

__“Tell Black he’s a GODDAMN BASTARD for not being there for Regulus,” she wiped at her tears. She almost never cried, but in the past couple of months it was all she seemed to be doing. “Tell him not to contact me and not to go anywhere fucking near my brother. He’s going to die because of him.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is another love by tom odell


	23. [twenty three, july/august, 1978]

_Lady, running down to the riptide  
Taken away to the dark side  
I wanna be your left hand man  
I love you, ___

__:::_ _

__July, 1978_ _

__"No!" Lyra stood her ground, fury creeping up her throat. "If you think I'm leaving him here, in this state-"_ _

__"Miss Black," Madame Pomfrey interrupted, "you must. You have to go home. You can't stay here."_ _

__"Is that because you think I want to go home? Because I don't," Lyra said. "I'd much rather stay here. Or is it my 'parents'? They don't want me either. They just want me to stay out of trouble."_ _

__"Miss-"_ _

__"If they had it their way, they'd never see me again," Lyra glowered. "But they couldn't bare another one of us burdening their family name."_ _

__"You cannot stay here," Madame Pomfrey continued to insist._ _

__McGonnagall pursed her lips and rubbed her forehead. "How long until it's ready, Poppy? The cure."_ _

__Madame Pomfrey scowled. "Two weeks, maybe three."_ _

__"And it's the seventeenth today, so-"_ _

__"Minerva the train is leaving on tomorrow!"_ _

__"I am well aware of that! But Miss Black clearly knows where her loyalties lie," McGonnagall fought a proud smile, "and clearly nothing is going to stop her. We can get them both back home when the boy is cured, just let her stay. She has my permission. I will alert your parents-"_ _

__"No!" Lyra rushed, all too quickly. "I- They don't know about him, do they? They would, like..." How does she tell McGonnagall her parents would abuse her without telling her they would abuse her? "I'll get the blame," she decided on. "For everything that's happened. Somehow they'll make it my fault, believe me."_ _

__"I can tell them that it wasn't safe for you to travel with the other students," McGonnagall suggested. "The attacks. I can say that you're at risk because of...perhaps, your blood?"_ _

__Minnie was a genius, really. A way to boost Orion and Walburga's pride and get Lyra out of trouble - that took some real skill._ _

__"Thank you so much, Minnie, you don't understand," Lyra gushed and sped back to her room to tell Mary and Koley not to wait for her at the station tomorrow. She almost told James, too..._ _

__"Lyra."_ _

__Never mind._ _

__"Hello," she said._ _

__"You're not going to sit with us tomorrow, are you?" James asked glumly, looking down._ _

__Lyra made a strange face. "I'm, uh, not going..."_ _

__"What?!"_ _

__Lyra rolled her eyes. "Don't make a fuss - like you said, I wouldn't have been sitting with you anyway."_ _

__"Oh," James said sadly._ _

__"Don't do that," she scolded. "Regulus is gonna be cured a little into the holidays. I'm staying with him until then and Minnie's making up an excuse for why I'm not home."_ _

__"Write to me, please?" James said. He almost seemed shy and Lyra felt ashamed that she fucked things up this bad._ _

__"Of course," she nodded._ _

__Lyra turned to leave but James caught her arm and pulled her back. "No hugs?"_ _

__Lyra could've cried. She wrapped her arms around James and breathed in his scent one last time. She really fucking missed him. He still smelt like he always did, how their room always did when Lyra would visit everyday to play games and plan pranks with them._ _

__Crap._ _

__James, Remus, Sirius and Peter weren't coming back in September._ _

__She made a surprised noise and hugged James tighter. How has she done this?_ _

__James pulled away. "See you again sometime, Swiper?"_ _

__Lyra nodded. For the love of God, she's fucked up royally. It's nothing new. But how had she been so oblivious?_ _

__She was stuck to the spot as she watched James' back disappear around the corridor's corner. This wasn't okay._ _

__Ace._ _

__Ace Ace Ace._ _

__She should go and call him, She hadn't for the past two days and even though it wasn't six o'clock she needed to be distracted from her problems once again._ _

__\----_ _

__August, 1978_ _

__"It is five o'clock in the morning!" Madame Pomfrey hissed._ _

__"Well, you're already awake!" Lyra retorted. Apparently it wasn't an appropriate time to see if her brother could be revived yet._ _

__Madame Pomfrey looked at her scornfully but headed to the dungeons anyway. "Professor Slughorn has the last ones we need. Now, he's probably not even here because he went home for the holiday's," she looked at Lyra pointedly, "but if he is, I can guarantee not awake, so be quiet."_ _

__Lyra nodded. She waited at the door as Madame Pomfrey unlocked the potions store cupboard and bustled about, glasses clinking gently as she piled vile up on vile of strange substances into her arms. One of them had something that looked like frogspawn in it and Lyra felt a stab of pain prodding at her heart. She told herself she'd see them again, but that possibility kept shrinking the more she thought about it. They don't want her around. Not after pushing them away and she doesn't blame them. She wanted them to push her away at the time._ _

__"Now, let's go," Madame Pomfrey whispered and they went back to the hospital wing. Lyra'd never get used to seeing Regulus' body like that, but thankfully, now she didn't have to. He would come back to her, finally._ _

__Lyra watched as Madame Pomfrey added the ingredients slowly to a shimmering potion that had already been made. "Can you do it any faster?"_ _

__"Patience is a virtue," Madame Pomfrey said. "This has to be given to him at precisely six o'clock otherwise it wont work."_ _

__"Why?"_ _

__"You've learned about animagi, haven't you?"_ _

__Lyra fought back a snort. Had she learned about animagi. "Yes."_ _

__"Well then you know that the potions has to be drank under lightening." Yes she did. "It's the same with this - has to be drank at dawn. Today's dawn is at 6, unless you want to wait until dawn tomorrow?"_ _

__"No!" Lyra said hurriedly. No she bloody didn't._ _

__They sat in tense silence, Lyra's stomach sickening as 6 o'clock approached. "Is it time yet?" She asked after a while._ _

__Madame Pomfrey looked at her watch. "Two minutes. We'd better start getting stuff ready."_ _

__Lyra's stomach flipped. They both stood by Regulus' bed, one on each side._ _

__"Ready?" Madame Pomfrey asked._ _

__Lyra took a deep, shaky breath. "Yes."_ _

__Madame Pomfrey titled Regulus' chin back and tipped the potion down his throat. She stepped back and Lyra watched, mesmerized as the black veins receded and his arm returned to it's normal, pale state. She waited for him to move. Talk. Open an eye._ _

__Nothing._ _

__All of a sudden, a chesty cough sounded and Regulus spluttered. He rolled onto his side and threw up over the side of his bed. Only, it wasn't sick. It was a black liquid that looked like ink. Perhaps it was what was in his veins a moment ago? Lyra moved back - it got on one of her shoes but that was fine._ _

__"Reg..."_ _

__Regulus looked up at his name, head ringing with the loud silence. "Lyra," his voice wasn't audible, per se, having been out of use for so long, but Lyra could still make out her name._ _

__She ran forwards towards him, hugging him tightly before letting go as fast as lightning. She remembered how fragile he was at that moment in time and thought that she might break him if she's not careful._ _

__Madame Pomfrey cleaned the black liquid up with a flick of her wand. "Mr Black, I can see this is overwhelming and you want to know everything right away, but that can wait until later. You have two minutes, and then drink this," she set a sleeping potion at his side._ _

__"I..." Regulus was speechless._ _

__"I thought you left me," Lyra began to cry._ _

__"I would never."_ _

__\----_ _

__The next day, Lyra could hardly control herself. In her authoritative mother tone (that she'd picked up off James), she lectured Regulus, "what the hell did you think you were doing?!"_ _

__"I told you before, I know what the Dark Lord is doing and I-"_ _

__"Pissed about with dark magic, that's what you did!"_ _

__Regulus winced. "Headache still. I know what I'm doing, Lyra. I've been doing it for a year. I just fucked something up this time. Experimenting."_ _

__"You're telling me," Lyra sighed and sat down on the foot of his bed._ _

__"Did Sirius come to visit...?" Regulus asked tentatively, like he was afraid of the answer. Afraid that his brother, after all these years, didn't care._ _

__"Twice," Lyra replied. "But I turned him away. I let him see you and he tried to talk to me but...he's gone, Reggie. I'm sorry. It's not fair on you, but I'll never look at him the same again. I'll never see him again."_ _

__Lyra concluded that Sirius wouldn't want to talk to her after the way she treated him. The way they'd treated each other. She hadn't admitted it out loud yet, but damn that hurt._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is riptide by vance joy


	24. [twenty four, september 1978]

_I won't feel right until we can be  
Underneath everything that's between  
Yeah  
I'm undone about to burst at my seams  
'Cause I am picturing you beside me  
So let me be everything that you need ___

____

:::

September, 1978

Lyra felt cold. Alone. She sat in the marauders' compartment but with out the marauders themselves. They'd graduated last July and despite the dispute they got into, Lyra was in so much pain. 

Still, she sat in her own seat and she forbade Regulus to sit in any of the others' place so he was squished against the bench, closest to the door. She did realise she was being ridiculous. After all, next year, she wouldn't be there to claim their seats. Stop anyone else sitting there. No one could stop them; no one would be able to. There would be a new generation of the marauders. A copy and paste. Lyra considered trademarking this cabin for a moment before thinking how ridiculous that is. At least they’d engraved there initials in the wood - that felt permanent. A form of consistency. 

Nonetheless, they would be replaced, and no one would be there to stop it. Maybe Minnie would remember them. Minnie always had a soft spot for them, whether she cared to admit it or not.

Regulus kicked her foot. "Stop thinking."

Lyra shook her head. "I'm not."

"Well you clearly are," Regulus glared at her scoldingly. "You've got that crease in between your eye brows. And your worrying your lip raw. Talk to me."

"Just lonely, I guess," Lyra mumbled. 

"I thought Sirius wasn't going to speak to you again anyways," Regulus frowned. "And then with Remus..."

Lyra scowled. "Thanks for the painful reminder. At least I had James to talk to and break up the silence. I don't think he wanted to talk to me but it was still nice to know he tried. I told Remus to stay away and I can't with Sirius- I just can't."

She was breathing in shallow breaths by the end. 

"Woah, calm down," Regulus said and Lyra glared. 

"Why would you say that?"

"Well, I don't know! What do you want me to say?"

Lyra groaned and hid her face in her hands. Regulus came and sat by her side. 

"Am I not good enough?" He asked with his bottom lip jutting out and looked at Lyra with ridiculously exaggerated puppy eyes until she laughed. 

"Fucking duh," she hugged him. "I can visit you everyday now, like Christmas?"

Regulus winced, making a face. "Eeh, I'm not sure that's a brilliant idea, but you can try. I still want to see you."

Lyra was giddy with relief. She always thought she was imposing herself and her problems in Regulus' life but he actually wanted her there. That was a start, at least. 

"I think your 'friends' will remember from last year that I'm going to go as and when I please," Lyra dismissed.

——

In the great hall, Lyra sat with Mary and Koley. She was about to go and sit with Ace before remembering he doesn't exist there. 

She'd visited him this summer. He was very scared. Nervous. Not far from their halfway house had been an attack. The muggles assumed it was the act of a thug, but little did they know about the ruckus happening in the wizarding world. Ace was wary, a little shaken, but he was fine other than that. He had no idea how nice it felt to get away from the mania of magic every now and then.

She sighed wistfully. 

"'S wrong with you?" Mary nudged her shoulder. "All mopey. Thought you fell out with them."

"I won't die if you say their names, y'know," Lyra said dryly. "And I did. It doesn't mean I don't miss them, though."

‘Regret it, though,’ she thought to herself. 

"I missed them before they even left."

"Awh, darlin'," Mary rubbed her back, "you can't be all like this. You don't need 'em."

But she did, though. She needed them so very much.

Lyra made a muffled grunt in response, her mind wandering lazily back to the muggle world. After Hogwarts, she'd surely run away to there. At least for a little while. She wondered how Lawson was - he'd seemed very lost, intoxicated. Ace had confiscated his alcohol after a few days, and when he was sober, it was as if reality had slapped him across the face. He looked rough. Worse than when they'd met a year ago, and Lyra thought it was bad then. 

"What about your homework," Koley interjected, "have you done that?"

Well.

Shit. 

She blinked. "Uh, no. I was at school all summer. Well, most of it. Um, Reg was really ill." How much had she already told them? She couldn't remember. 

"Oh, Gawd, is he alright?" Mary's eyes widened.

"No yeah, he's fine now," Lyra said. She suddenly remembered everything in sequence that had only previously been a blurred memory. She shuddered.

And the homework. She'd completely forgot about that. She'd have to rush it tomorrow. But tomorrow was Sunday! She groaned and collapsed forwards, head hitting the table, missing her plate by centimetres. The sorting and Dumbledore's speech had been as boring as ever and she wasn't even hungry. She thought she should just go back to the dorms and mope about there instead. 

She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see Regulus. "Oh, hello."

"Hi," he returned. "Coming?"

He started leading the way before she even had chance to get up, let alone ask questions. "Where are we goin'?" She caught up with him.

"Don't you want to make your mark on out dormitory? Prove you still aren't leaving?" Regulus asked.

"Well, yeah, but I need to do my homework all before tomorrow. I haven't done it because I was busy looking after someone," she said pointedly.

"I didn't ask you to," he said stoically. "Besides, what were you actually doing? I wasn't even conscious. It couldn't have been very helpful-"

"I'll have you know I was worrying my arse off for months, thank you very much," she snapped. The audacity of this ungrateful bastard.

Regulus raised his arms in surrender. "Fine. Go get your books then. Whatever you need. I'll wait in my dorm for you."

"Can you not come to Gryffindor? No one cares," Lyra pleaded.

"I can't get into the girls dorms, twat," he said reprovingly. 

"So? We can go into the boys', James won't mind-"

She cut herself of with pure silence. Roaring, painful silence of realization. FUCK EVERYTHING, she screamed internally. This wasn't fair. She should've made friends in her own year. 

"That would be convenient, were he here," Regulus said quietly; sarcastically. Lyra hit his arm. 

"Fine. You know, there's more important things in life than feeling out of place in your sister's common room," she fumed and went to go and get her books. He made her feel ashamed, for the second time in her life, to be a Gryffindor. Out of place. Sirius wasn't there to remind her that being one was okay, because he's one too. Now he wasn't a Gryffindor. Not anymore. He'd gone. 

"Oh, don't I know it," Regulus said to the dark, empty space that Lyra had just walked from. "But sometimes, it matters greatly. It's everything if I want this plan to work," he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is postcard by troye sivan


	25. [twenty five, october 1978]

_I always had that dream like my daddy before me  
So I started writing songs, I started writing stories  
Something about the glory, just always seemed to bore me  
'Cause only those I really love will ever really know me_

_Once I was 20 years old, my story got told  
Before the morning sun, when life was lonely  
Once I was 20 years old _

__:::_ _

__October, 1978_ _

__Regulus had been much kinder to Lyra lately and she was all for it. He was filling the time up that she would otherwise have spent moping about or with the marauders._ _

__Should she visit them?_ _

__How would she visit them?_ _

__Would they want her to visit?_ _

__Would they rather she never contacted them again?_ _

__When she had thoughts like these, she shook her head. They couldn't possibly, not after all this time._ _

__The Gryffindor common room still didn't feel the same. It didn't feel like home. It's very lonely and though Mary and Koley (sometimes even Dao) make the best company, it felt like there was something missing. Lyra knows exactly what it is and feels so stupid._ _

__She had been staying in the Slytherin common room more than hers anyway. Regulus was kind to her and Snape gave a disapproving, haughty sniff but said nothing every time he saw her. The rest of the Slytherins ignored her and stopped trying to change the password or hide it from her._ _

__Speaking of the Slytherins, they weren't even that bad, she realised. She couldn't fathom why the marauders actually hated them in the first place. Perhaps it's what Snape did to Lily, or the fights he had with James. Perhaps it was because they stole her brother to turn him into someone he's not. But in the end, they were just bitter and secretive and took no shit. But they weren't necessarily bad people. Not all of them._ _

__In the beginning, she thought she'd find out about a massive secret about them. Turns out there wasn't one - apparently it's just in their nature to be mysterious. Although, Lucius and Rosier and their cronies seemed to disappear once a month at least. She wasn't arsed where they went though; it meant she got peaceful time without them._ _

__What if she'd been in Slytherin? That's would've made the present situation so much easier. But she'd have never had the fantastic years she did with the marauders..._ _

__Why hadn't she been in Slytherin? Surely the dark and intrusive thoughts and ulterior motives she sometimes had meant something. Maybe the only Gryffindor quality she had in the end was bravery._ _

__"Stop thinking," Regulus booted her leg. He was reading on his bed as she stared into space and overthought._ _

__She grumbled in response, tucking her leg in so he couldn't kick her again. In response he kicked her head instead._ _

__"Bloody-"_ _

__"Wanna go flying?" Regulus closed his book. "Nice weather. Pitch isn't booked right now."_ _

__Lyra blinked. "Sure."_ _

__They got up and began making their way down to the quidditch pitch._ _

__"Are you going to try out for chaser this year?" Regulus asked. "Potter's gone and Gryffindor needs a new one don't they?"_ _

__Lyra hummed. "I'd never meet the bar he raised, though. And being near the team would be another painful reminder that he's not here. I don't want to feel like I'm replacing him, either. Not that anyone could ever replace James Potter."_ _

__Regulus snorted. "James Potter."_ _

__Lyra nudged him with her shoulder. "What about you? You still Seeking this year?"_ _

__Lyra expected him to say yes which is why her face dropped comically when he shook his head._ _

__"What do you mean?!"_ _

__Regulus shrugged. "I don't have time anymore. Plus, the seeker they used when I was in the hospital is tons better than me. I'll save them the losses by quitting."_ _

__Lyra felt scandalised. "Reggie you're amazing as a seeker and you know it."_ _

__"It still doesn't change the fact that I don't have time," Regulus huffed._ _

__"Oi, you're too young to be sighing like that," she scolded. "And what stuff is taking up so much of your oh so precious time?"_ _

__Regulus closed up and shook his head. "School. Newts."_ _

__"Oh! I forgot you're studying them too this year," Lyra commented. “Maybe we can study together some time.”_ _

__Regulus hummed and ended that conversation there. "Come on, we came out to fly, not chat." He started jogging towards the changing rooms and broom shed._ _

__——_ _

__"I've never felt so alive in a long time," Lyra commented and grinned as she took off her protective gear. A cold shower felt really nice round about now._ _

__Even Regulus was smiling wildly. "God, I'm gonna miss this."_ _

__"I still think you should fly," Lyra said firmly._ _

__"Well I'm busy," Regulus said extra clearly as if she were a child._ _

__"With wha-at?" She complained. "What's that important."_ _

__"Well, you know the, um, thing," Regulus swallowed and gestured to his left sleeve, "that I showed you?"_ _

__Lyra tensed but nodded._ _

__"I'm doing research. There's something the Dark Lord has done to ensure he lives and that makes him harder to kill. Almost impossible," Regulus tried to explain without getting Lyra too involved in the shit hole he'd got himself so far into. "But, I'm trying to find out what exactly it is."_ _

__"Oh," Lyra nodded. "Good for you...I s'pose."_ _

__It wasn't good, really, but what does someone say in response to that? How does someone get into a situation that requires them to answer to that anyway? Only she would._ _

__"How much do you know?" she asked him._ _

__He looked away, slightly annoyed, slightly nervous. He didn't want to drag her into this - this is exactly what he was trying to avoid. "Not a lot. But enough for some vague direction, I guess. The main thing is figuring out how to undo whatever he did, then he can be killed."_ _

__"What about all his alliances?"_ _

__"Well," Regulus began. "I have a hunch that some of them were threatened, some were tortured into obedience, some were coerced and persuaded and some are under the imperius."_ _

__Lyra bit her tongue. That was an unforgivable._ _

__"All the creatures, though," Regulus said sadly. "They didn't have a choice. They were lured."_ _

__Lyra sort of wished she hadn't asked now; it dampened the good mood that flying had put them in._ _

__"We should go back inside," she said. "It's almost dinner and I reckon I'll eat more than Moony today," she grinned and even Regulus relaxed and smiled small._ _

__"I barely knew the boy and I still know he ate more than anyone else in the school," Regulus laughed. "How he wasn't the size of a house I'll never know."_ _

__"Oh, Reggie, that's for me to know and you to only ever guess at..."_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is 7 years by lukas graham  
> \- sorry if i don’t update, i literally ignore my lessons to write this 💀


	26. [twenty six, november 1978]

_Consuming all the air inside my lungs  
Ripping all the skin from off my bones  
I'm prepared to sacrifice my life  
I would gladly do it twice  
Oh, please have mercy on me  
Take it easy on my heart  
Even though you don't mean to hurt me  
You keep tearing me apart _

:::

__November, 1978_ _

__"I think ... I've got it," Regulus whispered to himself slowly, unsurely. Half the population of the library's books seemed to be on the table he was working at. The dark circles under his eyes indicated no sleep and to anyone who knew him, that wasn't an uncommon thing. But staying up for the whole weekend in the library didn't do anyone any good._ _

__Lyra sat dow quietly across from him as his head fell forwards into his arms. She was pretty sure he'd literally just fallen asleep._ _

__She'd been catching up on the research he'd been doing a lot more than she let on; to him it was just casual, wanting to know what he was up to, but in reality, she'd browsed as many dark magic books as he had. Lyra had no idea what train of thought he was on, or what he thought he was on to regarding what the Dark Lord had done, but she now had an expansive encyclopaedic knowledge of dark spells that someone her age ought not to know. She couldn't pick up on whatever he had and she wondered if he was even smarter than what people bragged about him being._ _

__"Reg," she kicked his leg lightly to wake him up. He didn't. "Regulus!" she whisper-yelled._ _

__Regulus' head shot up, eyes bleary._ _

__"You look high," Lyra commented and snorted. The librarian hissed at them to shut up. "You need sleep."_ _

__"No no," Regulus said, ironically yawning, "because I think I've got it."_ _

__Lyra's pulse quickened. Would he tell her what exactly he'd been going on about? "What is it?"_ _

__"Well, they're not exactly what I thought they would be, but close enough," he reiterated. "They're called horcruxes."_ _

__"I don't know what that is," Lyra deadpanned, "what do they do?"_ _

__"Well," Regulus searched for the right words, "A Horcrux is created by manually putting part of the soul into an object. Firstly, the soul must be split into two, where one part remains in the human body while the other is destined for the Horcrux." He pointed to the book nearest to him. "This splitting is accomplished by the 'supreme act of evil,' murder, which 'rips the soul apart.' So, basically, you have to kill someone to make one."_ _

__Lyra cringed. "So, all the attacks ... were definitely him?"_ _

__Regulus nodded gravely. "He's splitting his soul, Lyra. Making himself immortal. Killing innocent people to do it."_ _

__Lyra felt sick. "That's...fucking disgusting. Against nature. Unethical. Inhuman, even." Lyra felt dizzy as she said, "wait a fucking second. You're saying you're gonna stop him doin' this? Awh hell no, Reggie. You'll get yourself killed."_ _

__Regulus glared. "I'm not a baby."_ _

__"Yeah, but you're also sixteen," Lyra gave him a look. "You're all smart and high and mighty but you're no Dumbledore. No offence."_ _

__Regulus pulled his face. "Dumbledore's not all that great," he mumbled._ _

__"Please," Lyra scoffed, "he defeated Grindelwald. Honestly."_ _

__Regulus glared fire at the table, eyes red from sleep deprivation._ _

__"So how are you going to do this, anyway," Lyra pondered._ _

__"I have to destroy it, obviously," Regulus retorted as if it were the most obvious thing in the world._ _

__"How though? What do they look like?"_ _

__"That's the thing..." Regulus scratched his neck. "I know what it is and how it works, but it doesn't have a fixed appearance. The castor can choose the object into which they project a fragment of their soul, so...it could be anything. Like, a grain of fucking sand."_ _

__Lyra's hope flew away._ _

__"And only the most powerful of magic can destroy it," Regulus sighed dully. "I'm not powerful enough. But if I die trying, so be it."_ _

__"No!" Lyra hissed. "You're not going dying and leaving me!"_ _

__Regulus smiled. It was nice to feel wanted. "I have to, though. No one deserves this, fucking no one."_ _

__"And no one has a good enough soul, not enough to care like you,” she grinned. No one realised how lovely Regulus actually was just because he was a Slytherin and it hurt to know that. “I'm not sure what the Dark Lord would hide his soul in, are you?" she asked._ _

__"No," Regulus huffed impatiently. "I've done all this work only for it to hit a dead end."_ _

__"It's not a dead end," Lyra frowned._ _

__"What else do you call it if an all powerful dark wizard has hidden his soul in a grain of sand?"_ _

__Lyra grinned. "I guess we'll never know."_ _

__——_ _

__"Hiya, li'l lady, how's it going," Ace said, fuzzy down the phone. Lyra could hear the smile in his voice._ _

__"I'm great," she said. In all fairness, it was probably a lie, but hearing his voice often made her relax. He had the uncanny ability to do that. "What about you? What've you been up to?"_ _

__"Couple o' mine and Lawson's stays 'ave got enough money to leave," he said. "Got jobs an' everythin', bloody 'ell."_ _

__"Wow," Lyra said, actually quite surprised, "progress, then."_ _

__"Yep," he popped the 'p'. "When am I gon see ya again? Feels like forever since I've seen ya."_ _

__"Ah," Lyra grinned. "No idea, honestly. Might see if I can see you near Christmas ish, yeah?"_ _

__"Oh, yeah, that'd be orright," he clicked his tongue. "There's been some weird 'appenings round 'ere lately, though," he commented. "Jus' yesterday I saw this deer near the road down by Regent the other day. Right funny sight it were."_ _

__Lyra giggled. "Ace, there ain't no deers in Regent Street."_ _

__"There is!" he protested. "I bloody saw it an' all! Big antler things stickin' out its 'ead!"_ _

__Lyra laughed again, "Ace I think you mean a-..."_ _

__No. It couldn't be._ _

__"-a stag," she finished. What would James be doing in muggle London? She shook her head. She actually had no idea what the marauders' plans after Hogwarts ended up being but she was sure wandering about muggle London in animagus form was not part of it. Not the glamorous, tellivisor star life Sirius had once briefly wanted to lead._ _

__"Y'okay, duck?" Ace's voice rang out. The night was pretty quiet and the approaching winter meant the sun went down earlier._ _

__"Y-yeah, fine, just remembered something I was supposed to do is all," she said._ _

__"Oh, you want me to go?"_ _

__"No no," Lyra rushed. "It's okay. I won't bother with it now."_ _

__"'Aight." She heard shuffling on the other end of the line. Pacing._ _

__"Stop doing that," Lyra said as she heard Ace grind his teeth. "What's up?"_ _

__"Nothin', just a lil on edge," he said. "Accidents been getting more often and closer."_ _

__Lyra knew it must be the Dark Lord. If he was killing and hurting so many people, does that mean his horcruxes aren't working? And he's making more until it works? Or is making more than one? Lyra's head hurt and that possibility. That's just too much._ _

__"You'll be fine," Lyra lied._ _

__——_ _

__She knocked on Regulus' door. "Regulus?"_ _

__"Come in," his reply came._ _

__Lyra opened the door and sat on the chair by his mini desk. "Why are you working up here instead of the common room?"_ _

__"Horcrux stuff," he muttered. He was using multiple devices to construct another diagram in his black book._ _

__Lyra shifted uncomfortably. He looked up at her and raised his eyebrows in question._ _

__"Well, I have a request, I guess," she said, throat straining. She frowned. "Actually, it's more of a statement."_ _

__Regulus urged her on, returning to his work._ _

__"I want to meet the Dark Lord."_ _

__Regulus dropped his quill and everything seemed to be in slow motion. It hit the floor, ink spraying everywhere. Neither moved, nor blinked, nor twitched, until Regulus said,_ _

__"Have you completely lost it?" He sounded angry. "I'm not letting you anywhere near him! There was a reason I was doing this in secret. I didn't want to get you involved and now you're neck deep in bullshit whilst I've completely drowned in it. If I hadn't made that one stupid mistake that got me into the hospital everyone would be how they were and I'd be the only one getting themselves involved with this-"_ _

__"REGULUS," she said. He stopped talking. "Do you think, that if I wasn't fully prepared to drop everything for this, I would've come to you?" Lyra spoke quietly but was shaking slightly with pent up emotions. "I want to do this. If you thought I was going to let you do this, and on your own, you're bloody wrong. All or nothing, yeah? Together? You're my ride or die now."_ _

__Regulus didn't know what to do. "You do realise the danger you've just put yourself in, d-"_ _

__"I've already accepted every possible fate." She said, very sure._ _

__Regulus raised his eyebrows. "Death?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"Torture?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"Possession?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"Trauma?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"Insanity?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"Isolation?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"Never seeing anyone ever again?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"Me dying and you surviving?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"You dying and me surviving?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"Us never seeing each other again?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"Us being trapped?"_ _

__"No, actually," Lyra raised her brows._ _

__"Aha, I told y-"_ _

__"I was being sarcastic, dumb arse!" Lyra exaggerated._ _

__Regulus pursed his lips. "And you're okay with all that? All of it? 100%?"_ _

__Lyra nodded. “It’s dangerous, but I’m willing to sacrifice for it.”_ _

__Regulus sighed. "Well, it's your funeral."_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is mercy by shawn mendes  
> \- this is your sign to stop reading if you don’t like sad endings :)


	27. [twenty seven, december 1978]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- cw: violence

_I've spent all of the love I saved  
We were always a losing game  
Small-town boy in a big arcade  
I got addicted to a losing game  
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh  
All I know, all I know  
Loving you is a losing game ___

__:::_ _

__December, 1978_ _

__Regulus said he would take Lyra to the next meeting the Dark Lord called. He did not. He needed time before then - he had to prepare both of them if there was no way he could get her out of it._ _

__He’d gone to the last meeting alone. It wasn’t important, really; Voldemort bragged about Bella’s latest conquest whilst she almost burst with pride. Bella. She was his cousin, he was disgraced to say. She’d only left Hogwarts three years ago and look what’s become of her._ _

__Regulus jiggled his leg nervously and tried to concentrate. He was making notes in his book about the horcruxes because he needed solid evidence; something to go by; any indication as to what the horcrux could be or where to look. The only thing Regulus thought was important to Voldemort was himself but he’d checked that. You couldn’t make a horcrux inside yourself. You could make it in other people, though, Regulus pondered._ _

__He tried to wade through his thoughts and write some material down but his worry for the next meeting clouded him. He would be taking Lyra to that one. He has to, or rather, she’d make him._ _

__It was soon, Regulus knew. He felt the familiar itch on his arm the previous night which meant someone had been killed and the mark has been cast over a house. A meeting was usually called the next day to discuss further tactics and targets._ _

__The whole point of this mass genocide was beyond Regulus - Voldemort was just a power hungry bastard that would do anything for glory and strength. Killing people to scare them. Regulus didn’t deny it was working, people everywhere were scared. The Hufflepuff girl he’d once secretly helped a couple of years ago had to go home because her father had been killed and Regulus was consumed with guilt. He was at the news of every death. It felt like his fault even though he hadn’t killed a single soul. Especially since he knew the girl, and that she was nice, it hit a particularly sore spot._ _

__Even his brother thought he’d turned evil. Sirius and Lyra were once Regulus’ best friends, his only friends. Once he’d been sorted into Slytherin, they weren’t as close anymore. They couldn’t be. They were automatically rivals and the war had assigned them sides without a say. Lyra had always tried to rekindle their relationship but Regulus pushed her back away each time. She was slowly getting there, though, and Regulus would play chess with her instead of the ghosts and house elves. Sirius, however, was a lost cause. Their bond had been slowly diminishing since his first year, and by now, it had been completely eliminated to the point where they didn’t miss each other anymore. At least, Regulus didn’t miss him._ _

__He hissed in pain as the too familiar sting pierced his tranquility._ _

__“Fuck,” he muttered and pulled up his sleeve to reveal that God-forbidden mark, burning angrily on his forearm. The snake began to move, hissing silently at him as his arm began to submit to the pain and he almost let out a sudden cry of pain._ _

__He rolled his sleeve back down. He wasn’t obliged to go, since he was in school (at least those were the rules for Lucius and Severus), but going seemed like a convincing front and surely eventually Regulus would be trusted enough for the Dark Lord to talk freely around him and he might pick up on some clue as to where or what the horcrux is. He hadn’t yet been successful but that wasn’t to say it wouldn’t work. He had his fingers crossed._ _

__Regulus looked at his watch, a bitter reminder of his parents, the ones Sirius was convinced he was turning into. Ten o’clock, it read. That meant it was curfew but the Dark Lord would be expecting everyone there within the hour. Swallowing his nerves, he got up to find Lyra who was probably lounging about the Slytherin common room as if it were her own - she’d been doing that ever since end of year exams had finished and the holidays had commenced._ _

__“Lyra,” he said quietly. There were only a few people staying, but that was still a risk. It was a lot more than last year._ _

__Lyra sat up from where she was lying and reading on the couch. “Oh, hey Reggie.”_ _

__Regulus wanted to shout at her to not call him that but they were on tight time. He gestured urgently for her to come upstairs. He himself retreated back up and paced as he waited._ _

__“What’s so important that I have to come up h-“_ _

__“You wanted to meet him?” Regulus cut across. He didn’t have time._ _

__Lyra was taken by surprise. “Oh, yeah.” Her expression died. “Now?!” she whispered._ _

__Regulus nodded._ _

__“Wow,” she swallowed._ _

__“You know I don’t want you to do this, right?”_ _

__“But I do,” she said firmly. “So, uh, how are we going to get there?”_ _

__Regulus looked positively scandalised. “What?! You think you can just casually show up wearing that? Absolutely not.”_ _

__Lyra looked down at herself in her pyjama pants and red Rudolph top that Sirius had enchanted to have a stitched pair of James’ glasses on back in third year. “Right...” she said._ _

__“Dromeda’s old friend in my year might have something you can borrow,” Regulus muttered and began to lead the way._ _

__“Why can’t I wear something of mine?!” Lyra scoffed. “My taste isn’t that horrible.”_ _

__“Your taste is Gryffindor,” Regulus deadpanned. “Showing up in a red dress whilst convincing the Dark Lord you don’t support your house is going to go swimmingly,” he said sardonically._ _

__“Oh my God the colour of my dress hardly matters-“_ _

__“They wear black, Lyra, all the time. You’re gonna stand out whatever the case, wearing red just won’t get you any extra points. For us, though, our whole case is riding on those points,” he stated matter of factly._ _

__Lyra shut up but pouted._ _

__“You have to go, I can’t get up the stairs,” Regulus wafted his hand towards the girls dormitories. “Ask for Venus.”_ _

__Lyra hesitated but went as Regulus insisted they don’t have much time. She knocked on the 6th year door, “...Venus?”_ _

__A girl with long black braids with golden clasps answered the door. She didn’t look amused. “What do you want?”_ _

__“Do you know Regulus?” Lyra asked. This girl was making her nervous. Her beauty held a lot of power and Lyra felt like she had to address her as a superior even though that was ridiculous._ _

__Venus nodded._ _

__“He said you were friends with my cousin Andromeda and that ... you might have some clothes that I could borrow...?” she asked tentatively._ _

__“No,” Venus said._ _

__“Oh...” Lyra didn’t know what to say to that. “Well then, I’ll just-“_ _

__“She might, though,” she nodded inside the room to a girl with porcelain skin, in contrast to Venus, and deep black hair splayed about her shoulders as she lay on the bed reading. “Svetlana.”_ _

__The girl raised an eyebrow without looking up._ _

__“Do you have some clothes for ... what do you need them for?” Venus asked, turning back to Lyra._ _

__“I...” This was probably not a good time to reveal her intentions. “Going home. To see my parents. And the Malfoys.” That was believable._ _

__Svetlana removed the book from her face and went to the wardrobe without so much as a word. She had elegance and grace and emitted the same power as Venus. Perhaps it was just Slytherins, Lyra pondered. (But then again, Snape wasn’t particularly pleasing.) Svetlana looked like a Black herself, and Lyra wondered who her parents were - they were probably somehow related anyway._ _

__“Is there a particular colour theme?” Svetlana asked with a thick accent, still very beautiful._ _

__“No. Dark, I guess,” Lyra said awkwardly. Venus had moved back inside the room and out of sight._ _

__Svetlana pulled out a lovely green dress that looked very expensive._ _

__“I want it back by next week, unscathed,” Svetlana said._ _

__Lyra took it from her. “Of course, thank you-“_ _

__Svetlana shut the door befit eLyra could finish her sentence._ _

__Lyra descended down the stairs to meet Regulus who was holding in a laugh. “Did you get it?”_ _

__“Yes,” Lyra scowled._ _

__“They have that thing about them, don’t they?” Regulus said and Lyra knew what he was talking about._ _

__She nodded. “Yeah, what’s with that?”_ _

__“Svetlana is just pure and powerful, but Venus has veela blood,” Regulus explained._ _

__“I thought veelas were a myth?!” Lyra replied, baffled. “And they look different in the books,” she frowned._ _

__“No one actually knows much about them and there’s no solid proof that they look a certain way,” Regulus dismissed. “Anyway. Hurry up. We don’t have long and you can’t look a hot mess for the Dark Lord.”_ _

__“I’ve got extras in my room,” Lyra said. “Be right back.”_ _

__She walked hurriedly to her room, breaking into a slight jog and almost knocking over someone, and locked herself in the bathroom when she got there. She was terrible at makeup, so she just fixed on a couple of rings and a necklace instead. She made sure the Back heirloom was obvious on her finger. Pride always impressed, apparently._ _

__Toujours pur._ _

__She went back out of the common room and to Regulus who had also gotten ready, looking smarter than he had before. Though, he never really looks scruffy anyway, despite sleeping problems._ _

__“How are we getting there?”_ _

__“Apparition,” Regulus answered._ _

__“But you don’t have your licence yet.” Lyra frowned. “And you still have the trace on you.”_ _

__“I learned how to apparate,” he murmured lowly. “Lessons start in January but I’ve been working on it privately since October and I’ve got it. I needed to learn how to get to meetings without Lucius. He graduated, remember. And the trace won’t work. I’m apparating from a magic village to a bunch of fully grown death eaters.”_ _

__Lyra was still unsure, but if he’d been doing it for so long already, it should be fine. She nodded and they started walking to Hogsmeade in tense silence, their intentions suddenly dawning on them and becoming conspicuously clear._ _

__Regulus tried his best not to shiver in the icy wind as they halted near the Hogs Head. “Ready?”_ _

__Lyra nodded. She’d only apparated minimal times since getting her license because she hated it. Nonetheless, she cleared her head and disapparated to wherever Regulus had just seconds before her. She landed much sturdier, these days. Whether it was because she was getting used to it or it’s harder to sidelong, she didn’t know. Nor did she really care._ _

__“Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to.” Regulus whispered._ _

__He made her link his arm the old fashioned way, leading them to a clearing on a hill, far from the forest they’d originally landed in._ _

__“Where is this?” Lyra could barely hear herself as her ears began ringing._ _

__“Malfoy Manor,” Regulus said darkly. “He’s been holding meetings here a lot and I’m convinced he’s actually living there. Part time if anything.”_ _

__Lyra shut up and thought about how loud the leaves under her feet sounded instead._ _

__They reached the gate, which wasn’t locked to Lyra’s surprise, and they simply walked up to the grand doors._ _

__Regulus knocked. A knobbly house elf appeared at the door and clicked it open. Regulus braced his arm in front of Lyra as she went to take a step inside,_ _

__“Don’t, you haven’t been keyed into the wards yet,” Regulus said, “you’ll be eviscerated on the spot.”_ _

__Lyra blinked in surprise._ _

__“What is being your name, sir?” the house elf said. He appeared rather dreary and unenthusiastic._ _

__Regulus addressed the elf kindly, like he would Kreacher, “Regulus. Could you get Lucius for me? Or Abraxas if you must.”_ _

__“Foncy will go and get Master,” the elf grumbled. He turned and clicked his fingers, reappearing in a couple of seconds shortly followed by Lucius._ _

__“Black,” Lucius nodded. He turned to Lyra and his eyebrows shot up. “And Black?”_ _

__“Can you key her in? She’s supposed to be here,” Regulus asked Lucius._ _

__Lucius must’ve remembered how she hung around Slytherin like a bad smell because otherwise he wouldn’t have gone to grant her allowance. If she had Lucius convinced already, that’s a good start, she thought._ _

__Regulus and Lyra heard an odd clunk and a slight grinding noise. When it stopped, Regulus said, “should be good now.”_ _

__They stepped inside, Lyra without being burnt alive, and she followed Regulus who appeared to have every idea where he was going. They went through a door and on the inside, the room was dark and there was no furniture. Actually, Lyra realised, on closer inspection, there was. It was just all pushed to the side as a circle of dark, hooded figures stood in the centre of the room. Upon their arrival, the person stood in the centre turned to face them._ _

__The Dark Lord._ _

__At least, Lyra assumed it was. In all honesty, she was a little underwhelmed. He didn’t seem that great. She could tell he’d once been attractive, but the evil inside him was clearly slowly killing him. He was now quite ugly, and very much unappealing. He looked like any other man._ _

__“Master Regulus,” Voldemort said, and Regulus bowed to him, joining the others. Lyra didn’t dare. “And this is your sister, Lyra?”_ _

__She nodded._ _

__“Yes, I’ve heard about you,” Voldemort mused. “Gryffindor...” he drawled._ _

__Someone snorted, someone hissed and Bellatrix cackled. What had happened to her?_ _

__Voldemort raised his hand for quiet and everyone fell silent. “What made you change your mind, Lyra?”_ _

__Her name on his tongue was disgusting. She hated it, but she grit her teeth and lied right through them. “I realised my ‘friends’,” she air quoted, hoping this would be believable, “were the only limit on myself. They tethered me down. They coerced me into thinking that I had to what they wanted me to to fit in. It never felt right. After they left, I realised I was free. Free to come to you ... my Lord.”_ _

__Voldemort seemed pleased with that. “Very well, as you should. Good of Regulus to bring you, no?”_ _

__“Of course,” Lyra inclined her head and stood next to Regulus, heart beating ten to the dozen. Regulus didn’t look at her, nor did his stoic expression falter. He was good at this, Lyra realised._ _

__“And you’ve come to join ranks,” Voldemort pondered, “and for the Dark Mark?”_ _

__Lyra felt hot. She hadn’t discussed this with Regulus yet but she wasn’t going to be the one to fuck it all up. So, she nodded._ _

__“Ah, lovely,” Voldemort looked delighted and he was just one of those people you wanted to roll your eyes at. A wanker. She suppressed the urge and clenched her jaw._ _

__Lyra didn’t have to fight the urge to just beat the shit out of him for long, though, because moments later, Narcissa and another man appeared at the door._ _

__“Did you do it?” Voldemort inquired eagerly. The man nodded, “excellent, Rodolphus.”_ _

__A scattered applause sounded and Bellatrix swooned. Lyra assumed that was her husband._ _

__Narcissa hesitantly shook her head slightly._ _

__Voldemort looked as if he was about to raise hell but his arms flitted back down quickly. The anger in his eyes did not leave however. “Why not?”_ _

__“There were animals protecting the house, my Lord,” she said. Her voice didn’t quiver in the slightest and Lyra never realised how much will power that must take. She admired her cousin for the first time in forever._ _

__“So?” He barked. “You were able to bring me ten last week, yet this time, animals got in your way?!” He emphasised the word animals incredulously and the magic in the room felt off balance as his temper rose. He suddenly pointed his wand at Narcissa, “crucio.”_ _

__It was barely audibly and clearly very hard for Lucius to just stand by and not do anything as he watched his wife get tortured. She was on her knees, head bowed and blood dribbled from her mouth, but she did not make a single noise. Lyra was so impressed she thought this must just be a dream. She looked at Regulus who glanced at her for a split second before refocusing on the Dark Lord._ _

__“Crucio!” He shouted this time, renewing the power behind his words. Narcissa bowed forwards out of pain even further until her fringe scraped the floor. Blood dribbled from her palms, too, where her nails were digging deeply into her palm. Yet, she still did not make a noise. That was incredible._ _

__Voldemort roared with fury as she didn’t give in. When his hold on her was released she let out a small gasp of relief and regained her strength before standing up, face devoid of emotion._ _

__Lyra remembered when she, Sirius and Regulus had all individually been crucio’d. They’d all held off the screaming for as long as they could, but it hurt more than they can could control in the end. Lyra shuddered thinking about how much worse it would be if the most powerful dark wizard did it to her, let alone whilst he was angry._ _

__Voldemort’s eyes scanned all the way around the circle before catching on Lyra, remembering where he was up to before he’d paused to torture her cousin._ _

__“Come here,” he said shortly. Apparently there was no longer time for pleasantries and playing nice._ _

__Lyra stepped forwards, worried her legs wouldn’t carry her. The Dark Lord took her left arm where he began to dig the top of his wand into it. He whispered a spell and Lyra almost shrieked. It felt as though a snake had bitten a hole in her arm and slithered into it. She’d shut her eyes tight and when she reopened them, the ugly, black tattoo, the same as Regulus’, was there, haunting her already._ _

__The scars you left._ _

__——_ _

__“I can’t believe you fucking accepted that offer,” Regulus said as they left the manor after the meeting._ _

__Lyra’s legs were still shaking and she gripped Regulus for support, though he didn’t seem to be fairing brilliantly either._ _

__“He wouldn’t have believed me otherwise,” she said. “How are you?”_ _

__“Just peachy,” he said wryly._ _

__“Sadist.”_ _

__“What about you, you’re the one that’s just been traumatised,” Regulus asked._ _

__“You were there too.”_ _

__Regulus breathed in deeply. “Nothing I haven’t seen before. Meeting-ly occurrence.”_ _

__Lyra didn’t like the sound of that. “Can we sit down for a minute? I think I might collapse.” They were at the edge of the forest. “I don’t fancy apparating just yet or I will throw up, mark my word.”_ _

__Regulus smiled slightly and they sat down on a log._ _

__A faint ringing of bells sounded in the distance. A couple of fireworks exploded and they had to squint to see them. Lyra smiled; she liked fireworks. But her smile suddenly faltered._ _

__“...Reggie I think it’s Christmas already.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is arcade by duncan laurence  
> \- my fingers hurt from typing so much  
> \- but hey, my marauders phone case came todayyy


	28. [twenty eight, january 1979]

_Your head will collapse  
But there's nothing in it  
And you'll ask yourself  
Where is my mind?  
Where is my mind?  
Where is my mind?  
Way out in the water  
See it swimming _

__

__:::_ _

__January, 1979_ _

__Lyra's eyes deceived her as they began to feel glassy. She'd been wondering where the Marauders Map had gotten to after her friends had graduated and she'd accidentally stumbled across it looking for her quill. It was in the drawers of a table in the nook of the Gryffindor common room. They'd gotten back from creating some sort of mischief when a prefect walked in and they were scared it was going to be confiscated. Sirius had shoved it in the draw and James cast a locking spell over it. They'd gone to bed after the initial panic, leaving the map in the draw and not long after that did the marauders graduate._ _

__She'd not found it purposely, and because it took her by surprise, Lyra wasn't ready for the surfacing memories of them all squeezed under the cloak, it progressively getting harder as they got older. She smiled to herself; this could come in handy, at least._ _

__That night, Lyra left in the darkest hours to go and wander around. It was always a risk without the cloak, but she didn't have any sort of access to that. She used the map to avoid people and closed it when she got to the astronomy tower. She sat their, peaceful, looking up at the sky and swallowed as she saw it was only a day or two away from the full moon._ _

__She fell asleep not long after and was rudely awoken by the grumbling of someone on the stairs. Lyra shot up so fast that were she closer to the edge, she would've fallen right off. She regained her balance and her eyes focused on the big yellows ones of Mrs Norris, the cat of which was yowling something awful. You'd have to be deaf not to hear it, and the grumbling person on the stairs turned out to be Filch._ _

__"...More students out of bed- Black?! What do you think you're doing up here?" Filch growled all croaky._ _

__Lyra sort of looked about, as if the telescope could tell her what she was doing. She just ended up shrugging, resigned._ _

__"What's that?" he jabbed a knobbly finger at the map on the floor._ _

__Lyra face palmed. "Just...parchment. For astronomy homework."_ _

__Mrs Norris streaked over a snatched it from near here feet._ _

__"Hey! No you can't-"_ _

__"I think I can," Filch snarled, an evil sort of grin. He waddled off with Mrs Norris and that had to be the only time Lyra had wanted to seriously hurt an animal. It was just as evil as Filch._ _

__"Sod off!" she shouted into the night. She kicked the railing and regretted as her foot started to throb._ _

__——_ _

__Lyra was grumpy for weeks after that. She flipped through Regulus' scruffy black book; he'd shown her how the concealing charm worked and she'd been very impressed; Madame Pomfrey had been right; it was very impressive magic._ _

__She'd started reading from the outset of the crumpled pages and slowly worked her way through, reading every little note and every little newspaper filing. She was about half way through it now._ _

__"Reg, who's Hepzibah Smith?" she said. They were in the very back of the library so hopefully the librarian couldn't hear them. Lyra would be very concerned if she could hear that far, in fact._ _

__"Why would I know," Regulus mumbled and didn't look up from the Daily Prophet he was reading. "Shit."_ _

__"What?"_ _

__"That attack from last week has made it into the paper," he showed Lyra. "The one Lestrange was in charge of."_ _

__"Bellatrix's husband?"_ _

__Regulus nodded._ _

__Lyra frowned and pointed to some subtext. "It says Dumbledore was on the scene afterwards," Lyra's eyes widened, "and so was his former student."_ _

__"Who?"_ _

__"I'll give you one wild guess. Who's stupid and nosy enough to join Dumbledore outside the house of a murder?”_ _

__Regulus sighed. "Sirius."_ _

__"James Potter," Lyra corrected. Is that why it was possibly him in muggle London a couple of months ago? Was he working for Dumbledore now? It was the sort of heroic, noble thing James would do, she mused._ _

__"Of course he would," Regulus rolled his eyes._ _

__Lyra returned to the black book. "When's this from? This extract." She pointed to the article clipping of Hepzibah Smith._ _

__"Uh, about twenty years ago ish," Regulus squinted, looking at the faded date. "Dunno. This Tom Riddle guy seems a bit sketchy, the sort You Know Who would fancy with."_ _

__"And what's the Merchant's'?" Lyra quizzed._ _

__"It was a paper franchise," Regulus answered, "it was printed years ago but the Daily Prophet trumped it eventually. Gained more popularity. The merchant’s has sorta died out now."_ _

__Lyra frowned. She didn’t believe the paper didn't just 'not exist'. "Do you know where I can get these?"_ _

__"Well, they hardly offer subscriptions," Regulus joked, "but you could probably find some in a wizard town."_ _

__"I'll go and ask Dumbledore," she said. "Coming?"_ _

__Regulus nodded, not having anything else to do, and followed her to the headmasters office._ _

__"Jumping jellybeans," Lyra muttered to the gargoyle. They stepped onto the staircase and it levitated them up. Regulus knocked on Dumbledore’s door before opening it._ _

__“Oh?” he said when he saw Lyra and Regulus. “What can I do for you?” Dumbledore put down the book he was holding._ _

__“Well,” Lyra sat down and Regulus stood behind her awkwardly, “I was wondering how much you know about the merchant’s?”_ _

__Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled. “That was some time ago, Miss Black. What ever do you need that sort of information for?”_ _

__“I’m just curious,” Lyra lied._ _

__“It’s very much like the Daily Prophet, except it wasn’t funded by the Ministry,” Dumbledore explained. “I think it was removed because it didn’t have a license in the end. Everything published was true, of course, scarily accurate, but the writers would never seek permission from the people featured in the articles to print them. It wasn’t illegal, per se, just unfair, some say unethical. It always made a good read, though.”_ _

__Regulus took this in, as did Lyra. “Do you have any old copies?” Regulus asked. “I’m hooked on a certain story. One about Hepzibah Smith.” It was a risky move, and Dumbledore hesitated, but nodded._ _

__“I remember reading about that, very unfortunate,” Dumbledore said. He knew something and wasn’t telling. Whether it was to do with what Regulus and Lyra were planning or whether it was Smith’s fate, they didn’t know. “Tom Riddle’s doing. He was a student here, you know?”_ _

__“And he...killed someone?”_ _

__“Oh yes,” Dumbledore nodded briskly. “In fact, a lot of people, I’m sad to say. I taught him myself. In fact...you might know him today, but by another name.”_ _

__Lyra frowned but Regulus blanched, the pallor of his skin turning ghost-like._ _

__“Lord Voldemort.”_ _

__Lyra almost fell off her chair. “What? You mean, Volde- I mean, the Dark Lord is just, like, an alter ego of Tom Riddle?”_ _

__“Not an alter ego, Miss Black. Tom is his past name. One he chose to be rid of,” Dumbledore said. “Anyway, I’ll leave you a couple of my old Merchant’s copies,-“_ _

__“Albus!” McGonnagall’s voice said as she ascended the stairs. “Avery has attacked another student and- oh, sorry Mr and Miss Black. I didn’t realise you were here. But Professor, you have to come to the hospital wing.”_ _

__“Right-o,” Dumbledore said and rose from his seat. He clicked his fingers on the way out and several newspapers plopped into the desk in front of Lyra seemingly out of nowhere. To the left of them, at the same time, two golden doors opened and a dish slid out, floating towards them. It stopped after a certain distance._ _

__Just before Dumbledore swept out of sight, he said, “Bob Ogden.”_ _

__“Who’s that?” Lyra asked Regulus, completely ignoring the ancient copies of the Merchant’s. “And what’s that?”_ _

__“Lyra,” Regulus had warning in his voice. “You don’t know what that is.”_ _

__“Look,” she waved him over and gazed into it._ _

__Regulus inched closer, relaxing when he saw it was just a pensieve. “Do you know what that is?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“You put your memories in there and it plays them for you,” Regulus said._ _

__“Really?!” Lyra was shocked._ _

__“Yeah...do you think Dumbledore meant to pull this out when he left? Along with the papers, I mean. Like, intentionally?”_ _

__Lyra shrugged. Apparently she didn’t care. Regulus looked at the long rows and columns of tiny, fragile glass vials in the cupboard the pensieve had came from. They all had tiny little messages on them written in mostly Dumbledore’s little cursive. One of them read ‘Riddle and Gaunt, Bob Ogden’._ _

__“Lyra look,” Regulus pointed, “I think Dumbledore wanted us to watch this memory.”_ _

__Lyra turned and squinted at the tiny writing Regulus pointed to. She plucked it off the shelf. “How do I do this?”_ _

__“Careful!” Regulus rushed to make sure she didn’t drop it. This situation seemed way too convenient to him, suspiciously so. As if Dumbledore knew what they were up to with the horcruxes. Regulus wouldn’t be surprised if he did know, but it wouldn’t make sense how._ _

__“How does it work?”_ _

__“You tip this in,” Regulus uncorked the memory and watched as the silvery thread streamed into the pensieve. “And then you stick your head in the bowl.”_ _

__“What? I have hair to maintain,” Lyra patted it self consciously._ _

__Regulus rolled his eyes. “Sirius much. Your hair won’t get wet, it’s not bloody water. Go on.”_ _

__On the count of three, they both plunged their heads into the dish. Black and white cloudy blobs zipped about, unnervingly like death eaters, until a solid scene formed. The people began talking, but they weren’t talking per se. It didn’t make sense - it was all hissy. With a jolt, Regulus realised they were speaking parseltongue. He sat up out of it and pulled Lyra up to._ _

__“Hey! What was that for?” she frowned and blinked her vision clear again._ _

__Regulus looked at her bewildered. “We can’t tell what they’re saying...”_ _

__“I can,” Lyra pulled her face._ _

__Regulus shook his head. “What?! You’re a parselmouth?!”_ _

__“I am?!” Lyra panicked. “But- I- ...What?”_ _

__“You can speak parseltongue,” Regulus grinned, “of bloody course you can. Well what are you waiting for? Go back! Tell me what happens.”_ _

__With out hesitation, Lyra dunked her head back into the pensieve. A couple minutes later, she resurfaced. She looked like she was catching onto something and pointed to the memory next to the empty space they had previously taken ‘Riddle and Gaunt, Bob Ogden’ from._ _

__“I think I’ve got something,” Lyra said. “There’s just something missing.”_ _

__Regulus recollected the memory from the pensieve and replaced it with the new one. Lyra stuck her head in._ _

__Afterwards, about five minutes later, Lyra looked wild and ready to burst with conversation as she returned. She scooped the memory into the vial, recapped it, put both of them back and took the newspapers off Dumbledore’s desk. She grabbed Regulus’ hand and ran out of the office with him, all the way down to Slytherin._ _

__“I don’t know how to explain this but I’ll try my best,” she gushed. “The guy talking in parseltongue at the start was Tom Riddle’s grandfather. He has a son and a daughter, Morfin and Merope. He hates her. Thinks she’s awful and useless and ugly et cetera. Tom Riddle Sr. was lured by Merope with a love potion. She had his baby but he ran away when he realised he didn’t love her. Tom Riddle II is Voldemort. He’s the product of a love potion between a witch and a muggle. He’s a halfblood and completely incapable of love.”_ _

__It was Regulus’ turn to almost fall off his chair. “But what does this have to do with the Merchant’s? Why did Dumbledore tell you to watch that memory? And how the bloody fuck did he know you’re a parselmouth?-“_ _

__“I don’t know. But Tom Riddle is the guy who murdered Hepzibah Smith. Tom Riddle is Voldemort.”_ _

__“So you mean basically that he’s been out killing people for over twenty years?” Regulus gaped._ _

__“Yes,” Lyra swallowed. “But we need to find out what was so special about Hepzibah Smith. Why Voldemort wanted to kill her.”_ _

__“Library?”_ _

__“Library.”_ _

__——_ _

__After a week of searching, Lyra came to the conclusion that Hepzibah Smith was just as much of a dead end as every other they’d hit on their way trying to discover the horcrux._ _

__Suddenly, Regulus gasped loudly. “Lyra I found it!” he whispered as loudly as he could._ _

__“What?!” Lyra stumbled over. “Who is she?”_ _

__“‘She was an antique collector of objects and she once owned Helga Hufflepuff’s cup and Salazar Slytherin’s locket’!” Regulus rushed. “That’s got to be something to do with it!”_ _

__“I think we’ve got it,” she grinned and high fived Regulus. “That means Riddle must’ve killed her for those, or at least it’s a possibility.”_ _

__“And I reckon it’s the locket. He’s ashamed of his blood purity, let alone the way using Hufflepuff’s artefacts would hurt his pride,” Regulus snorted._ _

__“Where to find it, though,” Lyra tutted._ _

__“Where indeed,” Regulus agreed._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is where is my mind by pixies


	29. [twenty nine, february 1979]

_I follow your steps with my feet  
I walk on the road that you started  
I need you to know that I heard you, every word  
I've waited way too long to say  
Everything you mean to me  
In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now  
I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around _

__:::_ _

__February, 1979_ _

__“Master,” Kreacher’s wisened voice croaked._ _

__Regulus jumped back from his place in the common room. “Kreacher? What are you doing here?! Mother will kill you!”_ _

__“Kreacher had to come and tell master, sir,” Kreacher said. “Kreacher knows, sir, about the locket!”_ _

__“How do you mean?” Regulus sat down next to Kreacher who began to explain._ _

__“The Dark Lord was asking Kreacher to be putting the locket in a cave, master. A dark cave in the ocean. It is very dangerous and master must not be going and looking for it there, sir,” Kreacher wrung his hands together. He always had an affinity with Regulus - they would talk when he was a child. It would only be natural of him to want to stop Regulus from being hurt._ _

__“Where is it, Kreacher?”_ _

__“But sir,” Kreacher panicked, “Master must not-“_ _

__“I command you to tell me, Kreacher,” Regulus said sternly._ _

__Kreacher hung his head. “The locket is being in the Crystal Cave, sir. Right in the middle. But the Dark Lord has made it very protected, Master, and you mustn’t go there! Master will be seriously harmed and Kreacher doesn’t want Master Regulus to be hurt!”_ _

__“Thank you, Kreacher,” Regulus said, having had enough of his warnings and nonsense. “You can go back home, now.”_ _

__“But-“_ _

__“Kreacher.”_ _

__He bowed his head again. “Goodbye, Master Regulus.” With that, Kreacher disapparated back to Grimmauld Place._ _

__“Well,” Regulus let out a long breath, “shit.”_ _

__Regulus processed what Kreacher had told him and figured now was the best time to tell Lyra about it. She could help._ _

__“Lyra we don’t need to do more research,” Regulus burst into the room, “I know where it is.”_ _

__“What?” Lyra frowned. “How?!”_ _

__“Voldemort said a while ago that he needed someone to place the horcrux where it won’t be found, and I offered for Kreacher to go. At the time I was just getting on his good side - if he ever has one - and it turned out to be really bloody useful,” Regulus said. “It was a month or two ago, and I didn’t tell you because I wanted to keep you at arms length away from all this, but I’m telling you now.”_ _

__“Where is it?”_ _

__“Kreacher came here, just now. He did the thing,” Regulus clicked his fingers, “where house elves disappear and reappear where they like. He told me it’s in the Crystal Cave.”_ _

__Lyra gawked. “As in the one in, like, the middle of the ocean.”_ _

__Regulus nodded. “But that’s getting somewhere, right? Now we just need to find out how to destroy it which is what I was doing when I got taken ill. We need to resume where I left off.”_ _

__Lyra didn’t need telling twice. She turned around at the desk and gave the black book to Regulus._ _

__“Here,” Regulus pointed. “I wrote it down. ‘There are minimal ways of destroying horcruxes completely, but it is possible. Using venom, that of a basilisk, burning it in a fiendfyre, or using a killing curse.’”_ _

__“How are we going to do any of that, though,” Lyra sighed. “I never practiced the unforgivables when mother tried to make us, did you? And where would we get basilisk venom from? And a fiendfyre takes as much practice as any other curse.”_ _

__“Alright, lighten up a little,” Regulus withdrew. “I found another way when I was experimenting,” he said, “with a spell and potion combination.”_ _

__“What does it do?”_ _

__“Coat it in the potion and it reacts with a spell I created,” Regulus said. “The science of it takes too much time to explain but just trust me.”_ _

__“Then let’s plan,” Lyra said and Regulus smiled. He was finally doing it. Saving the world._ _

__“So, we need to a plan for travel,” Lyra was up front. “Suggestions?”_ _

__“Apparition.”_ _

__Lyra sighed. “We’ve been through this before,” she was agitated now, “you’re seventeen and it’s not safe for you to side long apparate with me such a far distance. Especially since I’ve never been before.”_ _

__“And I’ve told you I can apparate, and we have done,” Regulus shouted, “to the last-“ he lowered his voice, “to the last meeting.”_ _

__“The trace,” Lyra hissed._ _

__“Then wait till I’m seventeen,” Regulus pushed back. “What’s that, eight months? Hell, we might not even be ready by then. Probably won’t be, in fact.”_ _

__“Eight months?! You’re shitting me,” Lyra yelled. “You’ve been doing this for two years already. Don’t you want to get a move on?”_ _

__This hit a nerve with Regulus. Of course he did, had she no patience? Things like this took time and precision and Lyra was being careless about it._ _

__Exactly. He’d been doing it for years. He wasn’t going to rush it now and fuck it all up. He knew what he was doing._ _

__“Brooms, then. I wasn’t a chaser for nothing,” Regulus suggested. It was much less efficient than apparition, but it was still a possible method._ _

__“So you’ve literally had this intention since you were fourteen!?” Lyra ogled. “Reg, I was joking! Bloody hell, haven’t half got a brain on you, have you?”_ _

__Regulus grinned. “Toujours pur. Failure is futile, ambition is key.”_ _

__Lyra rolled her eyes. “What a Slytherin.”_ _

__Regulus shrugged, still smiling._ _

__“You’re not evil,” Lyra said softly. “Like Sirius thinks you are. Thinks I am, even. You’re only a Slytherin because you have ambition and passion. You’re still brave like no one else, though. At least, you are to me.”_ _

__“And you’re the bravest person I’ve known, ever.”_ _

__——_ _

__Lyra tried calling Ace. She needed a break but he hadn’t picked up the last couple of weeks and she was beginning to worry. She tried his number again tonight._ _

__“The number you have reached is no longer in service,” the other end of the line said monotonously._ _

__Lyra frowned. What had he gotten done to his phone? She hung up and retreated into the shadows of the Hogsmeade shops; it was late and she wasn’t to be seen. She disapparated to London._ _

__When she landed, she was almost taken out by a taxi, but other than that, there were few people around for six o’clock on a Thursday. She headed in the direction of Regent street and went into the off licence shop to see if he was there (she forbid herself any more cigarettes) but he wasn’t._ _

__“Ace no name, where are you,” she muttered to herself. She would’ve used the point me spell, but she had no name to go by. Instead, she wandered in the direction of what she hoped was Ace and Lawson’s squatter settlement._ _

__It began to rain just as Lyra got there so she jogged the last paces up to the front door which was still non-existent. She wandered in shouting for him._ _

__“Ace?! Where are you? Why haven’t you picked up for so long, where’s your phone?” Lyra walked up and down the crumbling floors, sticking her head in every decayed room. Apparently the electric had cut out because the one light switch she found did absolutely nothing. It was as dark inside as it was out._ _

__“Lyra?-...”_ _

__Lyra turned around rapidly, wand in her hand behind her back. Her stomach’s bottom fell through. “James?”_ _

__James Potter was standing right before her, wand lit in his hand._ _

__“I- What the hell are you doing here?” Lyra’s eyes were as wide as galleons. It had to have been him that Ace saw a couple of months ago._ _

__“Order business,” he said, also not sure how to react._ _

__Lyra frowned. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. “Order?”_ _

__“Where I work,” he said, old pride shining through in his voice slightly. “Where we all do. Me, Sirius, Remus and Peter. It’s for Dumbledore - we fight against Voldemort and his followers. The Death Eaters.”_ _

__Lyra felt sick and swallowed the urge to clutch her arm. “Wow. Being a hero, eh?”_ _

__James grinned. “Like I always wanted.”_ _

__“Stay safe,” Lyra said. What she would do if they ever died, she didn’t know. “Do you know what happened to, uh, the people staying here?”_ _

__“Evicted, if you could call it that. These fixes aren’t legal and they got booted,” James said. “Though, a little birdie told me they’ve set up a new one a little that way,” James pointed East._ _

__“Champion, Potter,” Lyra smiled. “See you around some time, yeah? Make sure you keep watch ‘round here and I might see you again some time.”_ _

__“Of course, I’d never want to lose touch,” James smiled wistfully. Lyra waved and was on her way - she had to find Ace._ _

__On the edge of some more waste land, surrounded by broken barbed wire, she found Ace, Lawson and some other boy sitting together with some cigarettes around a bin fire._ _

__“Hey loser,” Lyra said._ _

__“Ay! Lyra!” Ace opened his arms in greeting and smiled broadly. “What’re you doin’ ‘ere, little lady?”_ _

__Lyra high fived each hand respectively, serotonin escalating. “Came lookin’ for you,” she smiled as wide as him. “What’s up with your phone?”_ _

__Ace budged over and allowed space on the log covered in jacket for Lyra to sit. “Ah, got out dated. Service ran over. I’ll get me a new one, duck, don’t worry. I’ve been using Dash’s number for the last couple o’ weeks.”_ _

__“Oh?” Lyra raised her eyebrow. “I’m Lyra,” she shook Dash’s hand._ _

__Dash took it willingly. “Dash. What’s a nice lass like yourself doin’ in an Londoner’s burn out ditch like this?”_ _

__“Comin’ to visit my Ace,” she grinned and punched Ace’s shoulder lightly. “Not seen him in ages and he hasn’t been on his phone.”_ _

__“Oh yeah, forgot. Y’aven’t met Dash yet, ‘ave ya?” Ace said._ _

__Lyra shook her head._ _

__“He’s Ace’s toy,” grinned Lawson around his lit roll up._ _

__“He ain’t a toy,” Ace kicked Lawson. “But he is mine,” he slung an arm around Dash’s shoulders with a goofy smile. “Ain’t that right?”_ _

__“Very,” Dash replied and leaned into Ace’s side._ _

__Lyra smiled too. She wanted Ace to be happy and safe, and she thought this was as much as he was going to get out of life. Because life wasn’t kind to some people, but people like Ace made the most of it with out zero complaints. Never had he once wished for a life like the rich lawyers that lived in London just yards away, and that was one of Lyra’s favourite things about Ace. He always gave and expected nothing in return._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is in case you don’t live forever by ben platt  
> \- happy valentine’s day :’|


	30. [thirty, march 1979]

_Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here  
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years  
Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near  
Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear_

_Isn't it lovely, all alone?  
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone  
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone  
Hello, welcome home ___

__:::_ _

__March, 1979_ _

__"Ow! Shit."_ _

__Lyra's arm burned something awful and she knocked her inkwell all over her NEWT studies. The black snake stained on her arm writhed grotesquely. She got up for Regulus who seemed to have encountered a similar affair himself._ _

__"Does that mean we have to go?" Lyra sweated. "Now?"_ _

__"You don't have to..." Regulus said, "but yes. We probably should."_ _

__Lyra nodded hesitantly. "Then, let's go. I'm not going all fancy dancy, though, not when Greyback can show up in that state."_ _

__Lyra went back to her own room for the first time in a long time to put on something more flattering than worn uniform, especially since it was Gryffindor. The more she was reminded how much her house made her an outcast amongst the death eaters, the more she hated it. Was ashamed of it. Despite not being a real death eater, per se._ _

__Sucking it up, she dressed in the cloak mother had made her wear to family occasions and soirées. It was awful, at least Lyra thought it was. But, she’d rather blend in than stand out, she thought, and it was the first time ever that that’s what she wanted. To not stand out._ _

__When she exited the tower, Regulus was pacing impatiently outside the door._ _

__“Hurry up,” he hissed and proceeded to grab her arm. “We’re not to keep the Dark Lord waiting.”_ _

__They rushed to the one-eyed witch where they used the secret passage way to get to Hogsmeade, apparating from there. They landed in a whirl in the forest as they did last time._ _

__“I wonder what’s happened this time,” Lyra said. “I don’t understand why he does this.”_ _

__“Because he’s fucking evil, Lyra,” Regulus said exasperated._ _

__“But they’re muggles, most of them.”_ _

__“Well, he wants to prove his ability by killing people. He wants to prove his power by killing people that are innocent. Not to mention that they’re muggles. He hates them for interfering with magical blood. He’s a power hungry git,” Regulus seethed._ _

__“What about the werewolves, though?” Lyra hated the word - it reminded her of Remus and the years she’d spent trying to comfort him and persuade him that he’d not a monster. That he’s anything but. Greyback was making it particularly hard._ _

__“He wants dark creatures on his side.”_ _

__That disgusted Lyra. Remus was not a dark creature. Not like he thought he was._ _

__“Greyback admires him and thinks that by turning children and killing their parents, he’ll get to raise them and indoctrinate that they are to kill and that’s it’s in their nature et cetera,” Regulus explained. “Get them to work for Voldemort because he’s such a ‘Godsend’.”_ _

__“I’m proud of you, you know?” Lyra said._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Of how much you’ve accomplished, and how you’ve gone about it, and how it’s literally saving the world,” Lyra elaborated. Words couldn’t describe the gratitude she felt. The pride. Regulus was an amazing person but he would never get the recognition he deserves._ _

__Regulus hid his face. “Thank you, I guess.”_ _

__They drew a line under that conversation as they came close to the gates of Malfoy Manor, fear of uninvited ears. Regulus opened the gates as he did last time, and knocked on the door. The same dusty old house elf answered._ _

__“You are Master and Mistress Black?” The house elf asked. Lyra and Regulus nodded. “Then Foncy can let you in.”_ _

__Foncy’s voice was a dull drone, similar to that of the History of Magic professor, and he stood aside, heaving the door along with him._ _

__“Thank you,” Regulus mumbled and Foncy looked surprised before beaming at him. Regulus always used his manners with house elves nowadays, thanks to Kreacher’s influence. Foncy bowed as they started in the direction of the dark room._ _

__The Dark Lord was whispering to his snake in parseltongue and with another man who Lyra assumed to be a death eater. Well, she hoped it was a death eater, or her cover was blown._ _

__Lyra scanned the rest of the room, looking at the faces (the unmasked ones) of the people she was ashamed to say she recognised and was familiar with._ _

__“—Snape?!”_ _

__Snape whipped his head round, beady eyes landing on Lyra. Regulus elbowed her in the ribs unnecessarily - no one had actually heard her except the three of them._ _

__“Black?” Snape was taken aback, seemingly as shocked to her as she was to see him._ _

__Lyra felt disappointed. She always had a feeling there was no hope for Snape since he was such a bitter, selfish and unkind soul, but never did Lyra think he’d stoop so low, Slytherin or not. So low as to work against his former best friend in a world consuming movement. A battle that would kill said best friend because dog her parents who did absolutely nothing. What Lily would think of him now, if she found out._ _

__No further discussion was permitted as the Dark Lord approved of the quantity of meeting attendants and called for attention._ _

__“Focus, please,” Voldemort spoke, and it sounded light, as if nothing was wrong. “I wanted to call for a meeting tonight, because I have a new target. Though, I do think this one will be very tricky to follow through with. My task is for my most recent...friend.”_ _

__The toothy smile on Voldemort’s face was enough to put anyone off food for the rest of their life. And friend? No._ _

__“Lyra,” he said ominously, but smiled in a way that churned Lyra’s stomach, “I want something from you. Regarding some old acquaintances of yours. The Potter’s?”_ _

__Lyra’s vision went black but she didn’t move a muscle. Voldemort really ruffled her the wrong way, but this felt like a stake to the heart._ _

__Lyra swallowed, “I don’t know them.”_ _

__“I beg to differ,” Voldemort’s eyebrow twitched, and somehow Lyra felt threatened just by that._ _

__“Not to question your orders, my Lord, but what have Euphemia and Fleamont done to earn this target on their backs?” Regulus chirped._ _

__Lyra glared at him as if to say ‘not now’._ _

__Voldemort chuckled, if it could be called that, and Lyra’s skin crawled. “Euphemia and Fleamont are long gone,” Voldemort said and Lyra felt empty. “But to warrant a target, they were, for one, blood traitors. But no. I regard the younger Potter. James? And his mudblood bride-to-be.”_ _

__The muscles in Snape’s face twitched._ _

__Lyra was being flung around with all this information and it was a struggle to stand. She rooted her feet to the ground, trying to keep her gravity centred as she stored information at the back of her mind that she’d surely go dizzy  
for thinking about later. _ _

__“You will hand over the Potter’s, yes?” Voldemort addressed her. Lyra nodded stiffly. What in hells name was she doing? “Perhaps you’d like a companion? Maybe then you’d be more inclined to try your very best. It is your first mission after all.”_ _

__Voldemort paced forwards across the circle of people to the death eater stood facing him. He clicked his fingers and the mask removed itself, revealing the face underneath._ _

__“Peter?!”_ _

__——_ _

__The first thing Lyra did upon leaving the Manor was hurl. She threw up all her loud, screaming emotions onto the outside floor until she could no more._ _

__“What the hell,” she stumbled to the log she and Regulus sat on last time, the latter not far behind her. “What just happened?”_ _

__Regulus was speechless, unable to form words to reply._ _

__“Mia and Monty,” Lyra’s eyes filled with tears. “They’re gone.”_ _

__Regulus sat beside her and pulled her to his side._ _

__“What the hell, Reggie, they’re gone!” she cried. “They were the purest people in the world, hearts of gold, and now they’re gone. They can’t- they’re-“_ _

__“I know,” Regulus hushed her._ _

__“And I have to tell Him information about Lily and Prongs? My Prongs? I cant do that, Reg, I can’t- they don’t deserve-“_ _

__Lyra choked on her own bitter words._ _

__“And...they’re getting married. Lily and James. But, they never told me...”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is lovely by billie eilish


	31. [thirty one, april 1979]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- cw (spoiler) death warning from here on :)

_I, I'll never be, be what you see inside  
You say I'm not alone, but I am petrified  
You say that you are close, is close the closest star?  
You just feel twice as far, you just feel twice as far_

_And I'll fall  
And I'll break  
And I'll fake  
All I wanna... ___

__:::_ _

__April, 1979_ _

__Lyra didn't know what to feel. It was unfair of her to say she hated everything and what had happened because she'd led her self into this knowing the outcome couldn't be good, and that there were risks running high. Now she was being ordered to bait out her best friends. Or, former best friends?_ _

__Worst of all, someone she thought she loved had betrayed James, Sirius and Lily as well. Peter was often the odd one out, but Lyra couldn't have ever anticipated that this is where he'd end up on the spectrum. She was also stuck on how to go about him; she didn't want to assume anything, because Peter probably thought the same about her. That she was betraying her friends, or was about to. She wasn't, so she could hardly assume that about Peter._ _

__On top of all of that, NEWTs were drawing closer and with everything, including the horcrux research and planning, she had almost no time to study. But what would be her excuse when she fails them? Oh, yeah, she was going to spontaneous blood supremest serial killer meetings whilst working against them and trying to get her best friends and brother out of this situation alive._ _

__All Lyra wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep and never wake up again._ _

__"Have you drawn up a fight plan, yet?" Regulus said softly, entering the room._ _

__"No," Lyra replied miserably. She hadn't even picked up her quill that just sat there dripping ink onto the otherwise blank parchment._ _

__"What's wrong?" He sat down on the edge of his bed and motioned her over. "You need sleep. I haven't seen you peaceful in so long."_ _

__Lyra walked with no clarity towards Regulus and slouched onto the bed._ _

__"Sleep, I'll stay here," Regulus said and replaced Lyra at the desk of their work._ _

__Lyra lay down, no fight in her left to argue at the moment. "Sleep will never be enough if it's my soul that's tired, though," she sighed._ _

__——_ _

__Lyra was able to stay awake in Transiguration this time round, and the student in the adjacent seat didn't have to constantly wake her up. She was a Slytherin though, and with reason, she stopped caring after a few times._ _

__The lesson had finished and Lyra loaded her notes (ones she took rather than copying Quinn's this time) into her bag. As she was doing so, Regulus, who normally waited outside for her, came in with a proud smile._ _

__"Done it," he said._ _

__"Hm?" Lyra wasn't paying much attention - they were recapping animagi and she had to fight against smiles and tears the whole lesson. Images of the marauders floated across her mind freely and made it hard to think._ _

__"I needled some more info out of Kreacher and he said it's accessible by boat at a certain point - the cave - so we can apparate or fly there and use the boat the rest of the way. It's magic so we don't actually have to use the oars or anything. I've written any access spells and passwords down from Kreacher," Regulus patted his bag._ _

__"Wow, well done," Lyra smiled widely._ _

__"Miss Black," McGonnagall reentered the room, "can I speak with you?"_ _

__Lyra sent a furtive glance to Regulus who tightened his hold on his bag just a little._ _

__"Alone," she said and began to lead them through the back to her office. "Have a biscuit," McGonnagall pointed to the refilling dish on the corner of her desk._ _

__Lyra sat down across from her and took one, though she was nervous and didn't particularly want to eat, so she sort of just turned it about in her hands._ _

__"I wanted to ask how you're fairing," McGonnagall said. "Don't be afraid to talk to me, you've seen with what sort of freedom Black and Potter would gush to me in. What ever you say is between us, and is kept in confidence. Is there anything you want to tell me?"_ _

__"No..." Lyra said. "I'm fine, how are you, Professor?"_ _

__"Then, if there are no problems, how do you explain your recent paper outcome in my class?" McGonnagall raised her eyebrows and pushed forwards the practice Transfiguration NEWT paper she'd completed last week. "A 'p'. Poor. Thirty-seven out of ninety, Miss Black."_ _

__Lyra couldn't meet her eye. Besides, what could she say to that? Of course there were problems. Of course she was struggling. Of course she was ignoring her school work. Of course she wanted to tell Minnie all about it. She just couldn't, though. She'd be in a hell of a lot of trouble. She had previously considered going to McGonnagall, but then she remembered how many laws she'd broken and how many reasons there were to throw her into Azkaban. For starters, she was an illegal animagus in aid to her unregistered werewolf ex-boyfriend, not to mention the mass murdered she'd secretly allied herself with._ _

__"I...stress?" Lyra offered. She hadn't prepared anything to say in case of this situation, because it wasn't everyday that anyone got stuck in a predicament like this._ _

__"Can I help you with anything? Extra classes? Pepper-up?" McGonnagall asked._ _

__There was no pity, just sympathy, and Lyra just felt like she knew all about her doings outside of class. Minnie definitely knew about the animagus situation for several reasons, the first being they'd actually asked her indirectly for how to became one. Also, the cat with the same unique markings as McGonnagall used to sit on the hill looking over the shack on full moons, and it was impossible for them to have gone unseen on all fifty-eight of them. Then there was that insightful knowledge McGonnagall seemed to have about everything. She just knows things._ _

__"No, I guess I just need to pull my socks up," Lyra sighed, ashamed._ _

__"I'm going to be putting you forward for joining a Transfiguration study group. It's varying students are between fourth and seventh year, and they all study together each Thursday evening. I would like if you join them until your grades better themselves," McGonnagall said._ _

__Lyra didn't need this right now but she didn't have an argument so she just nodded submissively. McGonnagall stopped talking to her and Lyra took that as her cue to leave._ _

__She walked back down to the hall where lunch had already started to find Regulus again._ _

__"What did McGonnagall want?" Regulus asked, a solemn, slightly nervous expression on his face._ _

__Lyra shrugged. "Wanted to know why I'm slacking."_ _

__Regulus frowned. "What do you mean, you're slacking?"_ _

__"I mean, I'm occupied, and I don't have time for classes these days, and I almost failed my Transfig mock, and Minnie ain't happy," Lyra huffed._ _

__"I want you to stop."_ _

__"What?"_ _

__"I want you to stop," Regulus repeated. "Take a week off, you're under too much pressure. You can't be doing this,” he gestured between them, meaning their private plans and research, “constantly if it's affecting your school work."_ _

__"But-"_ _

__"No."_ _

__"I can't break, Reg, this is important. You know that," Lyra protested._ _

__"You can and you will," Regulus glared. "I'll be fine on my own for a couple of days and I won't bother you. Knuckle down and get some good quality work done, no horcrux bullshit for a while."_ _

__Lyra sighed. "Right, fine."_ _

__——_ _

__"Regulus, it fucking hurts, and we have to go," said Lyra as the dark mark set her arm on fire._ _

__"No, you're not doing this for a little while, remember?" Regulus said, although Lyra could see the strength it was taking to stay still and calm just by the little twitch of his face muscles. "I'll...stay with you."_ _

__"No. If I can't go, you have to," Lyra said and she was a little startled and panicked at the thought of neither of them going._ _

__"Well, tough luck," Regulus turned back around and practiced healing charms for when they deployed themselves to the Crystal Cave. Meanwhile, he was forcing Lyra to do her 'extra potions homework' for brownie points. It was Thursday and she had to go to the Transfiguration group session any minute._ _

__"You should go to the library early," Regulus said and Lyra pulled her face. He rolled his eyes, "the organiser is probably already there."_ _

__"Mph," she grumbled, head in her hands. She hit them down to the table to push herself up, "fine. See you after."_ _

__"No I won't, you're sleeping in your room tonight, remember? Not on the Slytherin couch, not trying to sneak and lie next to or in my bed. In your own," Regulus reprimanded._ _

__Lyra pouted and went to the study group. She rubbed her left arm self consciously. Surely they'd get into trouble for not going._ _

__She wasn't enjoying this not-participating-till-her-grades-are-acceptable thing. She felt excluded and it stressed her that she'd have so much to catch up on, despite the fact that she knew Regulus would be able to show and explain everything to her within fifteen minutes. Still._ _

__Lyra pushed open the grand library doors with a huge effort, and looked to the middle of the back where there was a Slytherin girl sat reading a book. It was Venus. Lyra was suddenly very grateful that she'd given the dress back to Anastasiya otherwise she would've been in for an ass-whooping._ _

__"Oh, Lyra! What're you doing here?" Quinn sidled up to her._ _

__"Hello, Quinn, I didn't expect to see you here," Lyra replied politely. “Blue hair today?”_ _

She ruffled zir hair and it turned from blue to pink. Lyra wondered what it’d be like if she was a metamorphmagus; she could look like anyone everyday. All the pranks she’d get away with...

“Yeah,” ze grinned. 

"Well, I'm here because Minnie thinks I'm crappy at Transfiguration," Lyra tutted

__"Awh," ze mused, as if ze was agreeing with McGonnagall and Lyra hit zir._ _

__“Oi!”_ _

__Quinn pushed her off. “Wha-at? She ain’t wrong,” ze shrugged._ _

__Lyra scowled. “Anyway, is it Venus leading the group or something?”_ _

__Quinn nodded, “yeah, me and her. Have you met?”_ _

__“Yeah, and she’ll tell you about it alright,” Lyra sighed. “I’ve been hanging about Slytherin because of Regulus and everyone’s sick of me. Apparently I ‘hang around like a leech’. They stopped not letting me in, though, realising that I’m just going to find my way in.”_ _

__“I mean, as you should,” Quinn nodded. “So, what Transfig do you need to learn? We do different things every week and take in requests from people who come and Venus and I try to organise different revision things.”_ _

__“Ugh, everything,” Lyra groaned. “I got a p on my test.”_ _

__“A p?!” Ze exclaimed and Lyra felt a little guilty. “Well then we’d better go.”_ _

__They continued walking over to Venus who ignored both of them when they sat down._ _

__“Venus,” Quinn rubbed zir forehead and sighed. Apparently this wasn’t unusual. “What are we doing today?”_ _

__Venus pointed to the pile of textbooks. “142.”_ _

__“Let’s go then,” Quinn said._ _

__——_ _

__“Mr Malfoy,” McGonnagall exclaimed in surprise as he entered her office. “What can I do for you?”_ _

__“I need Lyra and Regulus Black. They need to come with me,” Lucius replied._ _

__“I can’t allow that, Malfoy. What ever for?”_ _

__“They’re needed back home - it’s an emergency and neither Orion nor Walburga can come so they asked if I would so kindly get them,” Lucius replied, not missing a beat._ _

__McGonnagall hesitated, “very well.”_ _

__She and Malfoy walked up to the astronomy tower where Regulus and his class were charting the moon._ _

__“Can you excuse Mr Black, please,” McGonnagall whispered to Professor Sinistra who immediately obeyed and retrieved Regulus from his peaceful seat by the rails._ _

__Regulus joined McGonnagall and Malfoy in curious silence to Lyra’s class._ _

__“Miss Black,” McGonnagall nodded for her to join them._ _

__“What’s going on?” Lyra whispered to Regulus who shrugged, keeping a close and suspicious eye on Malfoy the whole time._ _

__“No ones said anything,” Regulus said back lowly. “Can’t be good.”_ _

__McGonnagall had led them to the entrance hall. “Mister Malfoy has request you accompany him home for an unspecified emergency.”_ _

__“Huh?” Lyra raised an eyebrow at Lucius who just made them follow him out of Hogwarts. Lyra shrugged and Regulus followed._ _

__“Do you think it’s Sirius?” Regulus pondered._ _

__Lyra snorted, “I don’t think it’s be a family emergency if it was,” she joked darkly. “What’s up, Malfoy? Because I know it’s nothing to do with our parents.”_ _

__“Actually, it is,” Lucius said. “But you’re right, that’s not the main reason I called you here.”_ _

__“Where’s here?”_ _

__“My house. Apparition. Go.”_ _

__Lyra and Regulus barely had time to think where they were going, apparating in seconds. They were desperate to find out what Lucius was on about._ _

__“Tell us,” Lyra complained. “And slow down.”_ _

__Lucius stopped abruptly and Lyra walked into his back, almost falling to the ground. She scowled._ _

__“Your father is dead.”_ _

__Lyra’s scowl dropped from her face. “What? No, no-“_ _

__“Yes,” Lucius rolled his eyes as if this wasn’t huge for her._ _

__“But...”_ _

__“Lyra, come on,” Regulus said but his jaw was clenched tightly and Lyra could feel how upset he was. “How? When?”_ _

__“A few days ago,” Lucius answered. “It appears an ‘organisation’ has been formed in response to the Dark Lords more frequent actions.”_ _

__“Murders, you mean,” Lyra grit her teeth._ _

__“Precisely. This movement is lead by the likes of Dumbledore and some recently graduated Hogwarts students that are newly enrolled as aurors at the Ministry of Magic,” Lucius said. Lyra new it was aimed at her, and that he was talking about James and Sirius and Remus._ _

__“Spit it out. What’re you lot doing about it?” Lyra said. She didn’t particularly like her parents, but her dad was her favourite by far and this news hit her at an odd angle._ _

__“Well, us ‘lot’, are going to be playing an eye for an eye, aren’t we? And considering it was James Potter who killed Orion, I suggest you attend meetings from now on otherwise the Dark Lord is going to think your loyalties lie else where,” Lucius responded._ _

__Lyra laughed dryly, an awful, sardonic sound. “You’re telling me James Potter- You’re telling me my best friend,” she emphasised, “killed my dad?!”_ _

__“I don’t think he’s your best friend,” Lucius narrowed his eyes, “and be careful where you spread those sorts of things,” he gestured to his house._ _

__Lyra swallowed, a fresh batch of nerves settling over her. “He’s in there, isn’t he?”_ _

__“Yes, and we mustn’t keep him waiting,” Lucius lead them all through the door and into the all too familiar, dark room that Lyra was beginning to despise with every fibre of her being._ _

__There were minimal other death eaters about, as obviously this meeting was just for the purpose of interrogating and psyching out Lyra and Regulus, and as it was the day time - an uncommon time for them to assemble._ _

__“Where have you been, might I ask?” Voldemort was facing the other way but his words ricocheted off every bare surface._ _

__“At school, my Lord,” Regulus replied. Lyra thought this was sensible as that is where Lucius apparently had to be when he couldn’t have attend meetings._ _

__“But what about this killing? Of your father,” Voldemort turned to face them and his eyes glowed red. “Am I mistaken when I say I think you may have something to do with this ‘order’ business?”_ _

__“Order business, my Lord?”_ _

__“The Order of the Phoenix!” Voldemort announced. “Created as a way of out doing me.”_ _

__So this was the organisation Lucius had been talking about. James mentioned something about the order when they’d met, and Lyra knew it was him and Dumbledore behind this._ _

__“I swear it, sir, I have no idea what that is,” Lyra said. “I’ve never heard it before.”_ _

__Suddenly, her most recent memories of the marauders were brought forth in her mind and Lyra closed herself off - she didn’t need the Dark Lord poking about in there and finding lost pictures of their Crystal Cave plans._ _

__“Where were you really? The night you didn’t come? When your father was murdered?”_ _

__Surely this psycho didn’t think Lyra and Regulus killed their own father. Sure, he was a bastard, and Lyra and Regulus didn’t like him but they wouldn’t kill him._ _

__“At school,” Lyra said._ _

__Voldemort’s face twitched and that was the last straw. “Bella!”_ _

__Just before she did, Regulus gasped and fell to the floor, suppressing screams until he couldn’t anymore. Not like Narcissa could. Lyra struggled for air and the iron taste of blood filled her mouth. The memory of the times Regulus and Sirius were attacked by their mother appeared in front of her. The only thing keeping her mind sane and alive, she thought, was Regulus and Sirius. The only thing keeping her from dying, she’s sure._ _

__Lyra didn’t know if the words were a whisper, in her head, or screamed at the top of her lungs, but she said, “if Reggie can do it, so can I. If Pads can do it, so can I.”_ _

__Lyra and Regulus didn’t move until late that night when they regained consciousness in the pitch black of one of the Malfoys cellars. They raced home at that point, Regulus in tears as he reached breaking point. The first time he’d really cried in years._ _

___The scars you left. ____ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is fake you out by twenty one pilots


	32. [thirty two, may 1979]

_He said: "One day you'll leave this world behind  
So live a life you will remember"  
My father told me when I was just a child  
"These are the nights that never die"  
My father told me_

_"These are the nights that never die" ___

__:::_ _

__May, 1979_ _

__"We don't know what's gonna be in that cave," Lyra said. "We need to plan for every possible situation, but we have no idea how long that's going to take."_ _

__"I know," Regulus grit his teeth. He did think she treated him like a child, sometimes. As if he hadn't been the one doing this all along knowing exactly what he was doing and what he was possibly going to have to do._ _

__"Sorry," Lyra distanced herself from Regulus and began to work on her own stuff across the library table rather than beside him._ _

__They'd already composed a list of likely possibilities that they may need to defend themselves against but they were both itching to get on with the actual mission and began to get frustrated, sometimes with each other._ _

__Speaking of missions, Lyra also needed to do something about the James and Lily and Peter problem. She had no idea what she should do about any of it, but no one was there to give her guidance or anything. But she had to do something._ _

__She looked over her desk stacked high with papers and sighed, reopening another book. Her head hurt a lot._ _

__Lyra’s eyes browsed the pages half heartedly but one thing woke her up a bit. She was supposed to be looking for defensive charms; the one she found wasn't, however. She continued reading about it._ _

__"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Regulus look."_ _

__She pushed the book over to Regulus who was borderline asleep. He looked up bored._ _

__"What is it?"_ _

__"Just read," Lyra rushed him. She watched as his eyes flit across the words and eyebrows knit together in confusion._ _

__"I don't get it," Regulus said. "What's the point of it?"_ _

__"Don't you see? I can talk to Ace without going all the way down to the phone box just near the end of Hogsmeade's border," Lyra said. "All I need to do is put that charm on any object and I can use it like a telephone."_ _

__"I- We're supposed to be looking up how to survive, I don't care," Regulus pushed the book back to her, "do what you want with that. I have no use of it."_ _

__"You can talk them, too," Lyra frowned._ _

__"Well, I don't want to. I'd rather ensure we survive this suicide mission if you don't mind," Regulus turned back to his own papers and books._ _

__"Suit yourself," Lyra bit back. She took the book with her to her dorm room to try it out on something._ _

__When she got there, she rifled through her drawers, looking for something appropriate to use. She settled on a red hairbrush she thought she'd lost years ago - apparently it was just in the false bottom of her trunk._ _

__"Loquiturify," she whispered. Nothing happened, or at least it didn't look like it. She frowned, looking back to the book._ _

___'...Talk to your object, as if it were a person. Say their name, or read aloud an address or number belonging to the one you wish to associate with...'_ _ _

____Lyra felt ridiculous turning back to the flimsy brush. If anyone were to catch her doing this she'd be locked up in the loony bin without a doubt. She sighed and took a deep breath, deciding to recite Ace's new number as it seemed the best option._ _ _ _

____Lyra glowed red from embarrassment, especially as it didn't work. She tried again._ _ _ _

____No response._ _ _ _

____"I swear to hell-" Lyra smacked the brush against her hand; doing that always seemed to work for whatever reason. "0747- AHH!!" she yelled, frustrated it wasn't working._ _ _ _

____When she received no reply again, she tried to calm her bubbling nerves. Instead, she tried Dash - he'd probably pick up and pass the phone over, or hopefully he would; there was no reason he wouldn’t, really. She went through the pockets of various clothes she wore when she met him to find the crumpled bit of paper with almost illegible writing on._ _ _ _

____She centred herself and recast the charm, speaking Dash' number this time. The static noise told Lyra it worked._ _ _ _

____"-dy hell. What?" he said over the phone._ _ _ _

____Lyra could've jumped. It wasn't the usual, 'Dash speaking, who's this?' like the other times she'd had to call him for Ace, but instead rather blunt and snappish._ _ _ _

____"...Dash? Is that you?" Lyra said._ _ _ _

____"Who are-...Lyra?" he paused, but as he said her name, his voice cracked through the phone and Lyra began to panic._ _ _ _

____"What? Why'd you say Lyra like that? Where's Ace and Lawson?" Lyra said briskly._ _ _ _

____"...He's dead. They got him."_ _ _ _

____The brush slipped from her hands as the tears did from her eyes._ _ _ _

____——_ _ _ _

____Lyra hadn't gotten out of her room and hardly her bed for days, not since the news of Ace reached her. Even Regulus went into the Gryffindor common room to shout at her up the stairs - it did nothing but at least he tried._ _ _ _

____Lyra thought, when the time came, that she would never care for the death of her parents. But seeing as her father's was so unexpected, it hurt her more than she thought (he had always been the kinder parent). She hadn't grieved him properly and she was simply overwhelmed with Ace's on top of it._ _ _ _

____The one thought that kept her going, however, was that she had to go and see Lawson and Dash to see how they were, no matter how much it hurt them all. They depended on each other and now they can't._ _ _ _

____Lyra swaddled herself in jumpers to go down to breakfast. The air was cold and unwelcoming, very much how she felt, ironically. Or perhaps the air was fine, but she'd gone off it because she didn't want to be happy. She didn't deserve to be after all the deaths - how could she act like they'd never happened? How could she be happy whilst Ace could never be happy again? Could never feel anything again?_ _ _ _

____Only Regulus and Mary knew what had happened, yet it didn't fail to surprise her that the rest of the school seemed to be getting in just fine. Right. The rest of the world doesn't know. Doesn't feel._ _ _ _

____Regulus' eyes were urgent and alarmed as they caught Lyra's and he gestured her over to the Slytherin table. She wandered over sombrely, folding her arms across her chest to try and insulate heat. It was impossible in a word so cold and cruel._ _ _ _

____Regulus pushed the latest copy of the Daily Prophet in front of her and she sad down. Lyra felt her heart get heavy as she read down the front page articles._ _ _ _

____'...A more grotesque attack was launched recently, resulting in the violent death of four muggles..."_ _ _ _

____The fact that they weren't named as a tribute to their lives made Lyra's blood boil. Maybe Ace didn't have anything under his name in money and riches, but he was so pure and it was as if he and the other three people's lives' were discarded as nothing. Ace was 'nothing'._ _ _ _

____Lyra couldn't stop herself and continued to read. Suddenly she wasn't hungry as she read that two of them were murdered with the Expulso curse and the others were further burned alive almost beyond recognition in a fire. She wondered briefly if Dash and Lawson knew about how Ace was killed but she ceased to think as quick as she began. Not only was it a vile thought, but the possibility would be impossible - the muggles can't know about magic._ _ _ _

____It still never felt right to refer to Ace as a muggle - he was more magic to her than anything in her life. Considering she grew up in a strictly pureblood household, that was a very big statement._ _ _ _

____"I'm visiting Lawson today," Lyra said thickly to Regulus, too repulsed to even look at the breakfast food any longer. "I have to."_ _ _ _

____Regulus nodded. "...Can I come?"_ _ _ _

____Lyra smiled weakly. "'Course. Vas-y."_ _ _ _

____Regulus accio'd his cloak once they were in the entrance hall and Lyra retrieved hers too._ _ _ _

____"I think we have to use the same apparition point as we do when we go to meetings," Lyra swaddled herself in her cloak. "Can we take the buses and trains again?"_ _ _ _

____"Anything," Regulus said and huddled close to her. "Even if we get caught."_ _ _ _

____"I don't care if we get caught."_ _ _ _

____They apparated from Hogsmeade to London, hopping on a near train, going as close to Regent Street as possible._ _ _ _

____Lyra felt empty on the train. It was identical, almost, to all the other trains and she looked at a spot on the floor. It was just a memory, but at first Lyra could've sworn she hallucinated Ace. Standing in the same spot by the door that he had been the day they'd met. He was standing there in dirty clothes with his tiny pencil behind his ear. (That pencil was always there, Lyra recalled. Either that or a roll up)._ _ _ _

____‘Hiya lovelies,’ he’d said, and Lyra remembered the words in her head as if she’d just heard them yesterday. The hazy picture of Ace looked at her friendly, head cocked to the side and a crooked grin on his face, hands shoved deep into his pockets. If Lyra tried, she could probably have a conversation with simply the memory of him, but she didn’t dare._ _ _ _

____“We’re here,” Regulus nudged her shoulder. Lyra blinked at him and when she looked back to the spot, Ace was gone and it was just a reminder of how she felt._ _ _ _

____Lyra rose and followed Regulus out into the streets of London. They walked together towards Regent Street and both of them did everything they could to hold it together as they walked past the cinema and off license._ _ _ _

____Lawson and Dash weren’t doing well. They sat on the same log on the same dry, grassless land that they had when Lyra first met Dash. They’d been kicked from their house, if it could be called that, and moved a couple yards down to another abandoned building on the outskirts of London. They inhabited it as well as they could, but apparently they weren’t functioning without Ace who seemed to be the glue that held all of them together._ _ _ _

____“Hi,” Lyra’s throat was dry and scratched._ _ _ _

____Dash turned around quickly, taking no time in replying, “oh my- Lyra...”_ _ _ _

____She bit her lip and nodded - now was not the time to be crying. She had to be sure they were safe first._ _ _ _

____Lawson and Dash came over to Lyra and Regulus, Lawson hugging Lyra tightly. Surely his pain was much worse than hers, but they both knew him in the same way, she thought._ _ _ _

____“I’m so sorry,” Lyra said to the both of them. “I can’t imagine how hard this hit you.” Suddenly she didn’t care how ‘posh’ she sounded._ _ _ _

____“Awh, doll, you lost him too, though, yeah?” Lawson replied._ _ _ _

____Lyra stared at him and the tears came silently which just made them ten times louder. “Please don’t- don’t call me that.”_ _ _ _

____A sob escaped her._ _ _ _

____“Not anything he called me, please, I can’t.”_ _ _ _

____——_ _ _ _

____Lyra would never forget Ace in a million years, nor her father, but she seemed to have come out of being in denial and was leaning more towards acceptance now. She was relatively fine if she didn’t think about it. She just didn’t talk to people much and that’s why she almost wet herself when Peter Pettigrew intercepted her in her way to the library for her Thursday study._ _ _ _

____“Peter?!” she yelped, but Peter just yanked her into the shadows. When she could make out his face, his eyes were wide with fear and tear tracks stained his face. At least someone else was feeling like that recently (even though almost of the school was on edge, Lyra still felt alone, but seeing Peter like this almost comforted her, however absurd that may be)._ _ _ _

____“Sh!” he hastened._ _ _ _

____“What’re you doing here? How did you get here? What if you’re caught?-“_ _ _ _

____“I need you to help,” Peter begged. “Please. I can’t do this to James. Not to Lily, either.”_ _ _ _

____“And you think I can?!”_ _ _ _

____“Shh!!” Peter’s eyes widened and he gestured wildly. “You don’t understand!” he cried. “He- he took advantage of me...”_ _ _ _

____“...He?”_ _ _ _

____“You know, Him? He pushed all my buttons and found a way in and got me into this mess and I can’t find my way out. I’m trapped and I’m not bringing down everyone with me, I refuse,” Peter pleaded all in one breath. “We need to do something about this mission but if we’re so far apart we can’t.”_ _ _ _

____“What the fuck do you suggest I do?” Lyra challenged._ _ _ _

____“I-I don’t know, something?! Live with me, or James or Sirius,” Peter said. “Something that gets us together long enough to figure something out.”_ _ _ _

____She already had a plan to be figuring out here with Regulus, but James and Lily’s lives were too important. Voldemort would just have to wait a little longer._ _ _ _

____“Okay. I’ll do something. I’ll think of something.”_ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is the night by avicii  
> \- loony bin : asylum ,, psych ward  
> \- idk if i’ve mentioned this yet but i’ve literally only been to london twice and i’m failing geography so don’t come for me pls :)


	33. [thirty three, june 1979]

_Sometimes a shadow wins  
But I wonder what would happen if you_

_Say what you wanna say  
And let the words fall out  
Honestly I wanna see you be brave ___

__:::_ _

__June, 1979_ _

__Lyra waited outside the Hog's head. It wasn't a pleasant place, to be honest, but it was one where people didn't bat an eyelid if you looked a little sketchy. It was the only sort of place fit for meeting Peter and discussing the task of business related to the Dark Lord._ _

__Lyra could finally stop shaking as a hooded Peter creeped through the door and headed towards her table in the back corner._ _

__"Finally," she hissed lowly. "Where've you been?"_ _

__"Snape got in my way, being the nosy git he is. No wonder it's so big," Peter snorted and Lyra even felt a tad lighter._ _

__Lyra cast a muffling charm around them, yet still felt obligated to speak in a small voice. "I don't know anything. About what to do. Just putting it out there."_ _

__Peter hummed. "Well, we have to do what he says, you know?" he said, and it sounded so casual in a way that froze Lyra's insides._ _

__"What?!"_ _

__"We have to do what he says if we want to live," Peter reiterated._ _

__Lyra was scandalised. "Have you- can you hear yourself right now? I'd rather die than betray my friends! What the fuck has happened to you?"_ _

__"He won't hesitate to kill us. At all. You've seen what he did to Narcissa, and probably others too, but this is so much more important than what she had to do. He's relying on us to do this and we'll get punished if we don't. Trust me," Peter said darkly._ _

__Lyra clenched her fists under the table. "That's not the point," she spoke through her teeth. "They're my friends."_ _

__'Or were'. The thought haunted her._ _

__"I'm not going to betray them. Sell them out. You might, but I'm not." Lyra shook her head, looking at Peter with great disappointment. "Gryffindors are supposed to be loyal. Key word here is 'supposed'. They're also 'supposed' to be brave. You, Pettigrew, are neither. You're a goddamn lying coward. How could you do this to them? I would never just hand over their lives, especially to someone as utterly disgusting as Voldemort. I don't understand how you just can."_ _

__"I might just have to tell the Dark Lord that," Peter leaned back, satisfied._ _

__Oh, he was not getting the last word in this. "You fucking dare," she seethed._ _

__"Why am I being blamed for all of this as well? You're a death eater, too. You betrayed the entirety of Gryffindor by becoming one. I didn't have a choice - I was forced."_ _

__"Yeah?!" Lyra fumed. "Well, I-"_ _

__She paused and her hands shook with pure anger. Not in a million years would she be telling this Peter Pettigrew that she was undercover. He would sell her out too, no doubt about it. And if this information got to the Dark Lord? Hell, she'd be dead before she could even say one word against it. Especially since he's a skilled legilimens._ _

__"Yeah," Peter smirked smugly. It didn't suit his face at all. It made his features pointy and dark, a black shadow casted across one half of his face. Evil. "That's what I thought."_ _

__——_ _

__"You can do this."_ _

__Lyra said the words as she looked herself in the eye in the mirror. She didn't feel an ounce of confidence - no where near the capacity she needed for this - but sometimes in life, you have to do things you're scared to do. Sometimes even things you don't want to do. She intended on going to James'. Lyra didn't know where she stood with any of them at the minute, but she was willing to give anything a shot if it saved their lives. Obviously she couldn't tell them what she was doing though. It felt funny - she would always tell them everything. Almost everything._ _

__She pulled herself together and headed out of the castle to the apparition point under a notice-me-not charm. It was only when she got there she had no idea where she was going. It would be logical to assume he lived in London somewhere near Ace's old house, but it's also entirely possible that he could've apparated from anywhere in the world._ _

__Lyra travelled to where she normally did when she would've visited Ace, not looking in the direction of his old house. She had no idea where to begin so she used a handy charm she learned years ago but never had much use of._ _

__Laying her wand in the palm of her hand, she said clearly, "point me James Potter."_ _

__The wand twitched about in her wand before spinning rapidly: she genuinely thought it might take her eye out. It slowed sooner or later, and pointed towards the centre of London. She was very glad that she still had the notice-me-not charm on and that she'd worn muggle style clothes opposed to wizard robes and cloaks._ _

__Lyra ducked and weaved in and out of blocks of people and followed the line her wand pointed in which eventually led her to the front porch of Euphemia and Fleamont's house that she assumed to have been inherited by James._ _

__She stood there for a good five minutes before plucking up the courage to actually knock and when she did she regretted it instantly, wanting to turn around and pretend she was never there. However, she knew she'd regret it later so she stood her ground, waiting for the door to click open._ _

__But when it opened, it was Sirius’ sparkly eyes stared back at her in lieu of James’. “...Lyra?”_ _

__“Hi.”_ _

__Sirius looked behind him into the house, clearly wondering if he should let her in. Lyra didn’t know if she understood or if she was offended. Surely they’d not gotten that bad? “Come in,” he said hesitantly and stepped back. Lyra followed him to the kitchen. “What are you doing here? Has something happened to someone, or do you need anything?”_ _

__Lyra wasn’t quite sure what she would say to that. “I want to...apologise, I guess you could say? I miss you guys, a lot, and I wanted to see you. I realised I can’t do that if we’re still on the same terms we were when we last saw each other...”_ _

__Sirius gave a small smile, but it was evident he was still wary. “When’s my birthday?”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Just answer it.”_ _

__“...November 3rd,” Lyra frowned, “why?”_ _

__Sirius relaxed more. “I should’ve done it at the door, but we have to do it to everyone. Check they’re not an imposter, I mean. You can never be sure - you’re walking with a target on your head when you’re in the resistance. And the Order.”_ _

__“The Order? You too? Bloody ‘ell,” Lyra said._ _

__“Yeah. Tea? Coffee? Cocoa?” he said and turned around to the pots. “I’ll tell you about it.”_ _

__“Anything,” Lyra replied and Sirius started mixing substances from different pots into mugs for them. “So, do you live here?”_ _

__Sirius paused everything he was doing for a split second. “No. I, uh, I live with Remus a little further away. But when we’re not sleeping or on a mission, we’re normally here.”_ _

__Oh, right. She forgot about that. “Where are the others?”_ _

__“James is at the Ministry with Dumbledore about something,” Sirius replied. “Not sure where anyone else is. They’ll be around at some point,” he pushed her cup towards her across the kitchen counter._ _

__“Sirius? Is James back already?” Lily shouted from the stairs. “Or is it Remus? Peter? Did you ask them a question?”_ _

__Lyra felt cold. They knew nothing about Peter’s increasing betrayal._ _

__Sirius rolled his eyes but smiled. “Calm it, red, I asked the question. And it’s none of the above.”_ _

__“Well, who is it?” Lily descended the stairs and froze as she rounded the kitchen corner, eyes falling on Lyra. “Oh! What are you doing here?!” she rushed forwards to envelope her in a hug. Lyra hardly remembered that she hadn’t had trouble with Lily._ _

__“Hello, sorry for intruding like this,” Lyra replied, awkwardly trying to stop her drink from spilling._ _

__“No, it’s lovely to see you. You should’ve come sooner!”_ _

__Lyra smiled coyly and looked at Sirius who avoided her gaze. “NEWTs, I guess - I’ve just finished them though. What about you? You have to tell me about everything. The Order? And you’re marrying Prongs?! Let me see the ring.”_ _

__Lily grinned. “Come. I’ll tell you all about it.”_ _

__——_ _

__“Regulus I’m dropping out.”_ _

__“What?!”_ _

__“I’m...going to live with Peter. I have to complete Voldemort’s mission,” Lyra said._ _

__“Oh, no, Lyra you can’t. That’s my brother and his friends! That our brother and his friends!” Regulus shouted, stressing the word ’our’._ _

__“Calm down,” Lyra grabbed Regulus by his shoulders. “I’m not actually, but I need to make it believable. If I live with Peter, He might think I’m going to do it. Besides, for whatever reason, Peter is content with following through and I need to keep an eye on him. I’m not having him kill them.”_ _

__“But...what about...”_ _

__“School?” Lyra laughed a little. “I’ve already finished my exams, and there’s only a month left. A month in which I do nothing. I’ll fucking miss you, and it’ll be hard not having my little encyclopaedia with me all the time,”_ _

__Regulus blushed,_ _

__“but it’s fully useless staying here. Waiting just a month could kill us all.”_ _

__“Oh...” Regulus looked down._ _

__“Yeah, ‘oh’. And it’s not like I’ll be coming back next year, is it?”_ _

__“Lord have mercy, I forgot about that,” he pinched the bridge of his nose._ _

__“We’ll still work together though, yeah? I’ll teach you the telephone charm,” Lyra grinned and stuck out her pinky. “Promise?”_ _

__Regulus hooked his own pinky through hers and sighed, “promise.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is brave by sara bareilles   
> \- it’s been a month since i started this fic i need to get a move on 💀


	34. [thirty four, july 1979]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- cw: war tales; death

_She told me in the morning  
She don't feel the same about us in her bones  
It seems to me that when I die  
These words will be written on my stone_

_And I'll be gone, gone tonight  
The ground beneath my feet is open wide  
The way that I been holdin' on too tight  
With nothing in between _

__:::_ _

__July, 1979_ _

__Lyra would never get an official graduation certification. She quit school mere weeks before she would've finished had she stayed, and now she stood on the doorstep of Peter Pettigrew's apartment. Well, she supposed it was hers as well, now._ _

__Peter opened the door after just one knock and Lyra got the odd sensation of being watched. Sure, he’d been expecting her, but that’s not to say Peter isn’t the type to watch people through peepholes._ _

__“Where’s your stuff?” Peter asked skeptically._ _

__Lyra patted her pocket. “Shrunk it. It’s not that much anyway. I don’t haul stuff because I get an emotional attachment to them like Sirius.”_ _

__Peter nodded and handed her a cold little item. “Your key.”_ _

__“Oh, thank you,” Lyra, for what ever reason, was surprised. “Which room is mine?”_ _

__“First door to your right,” Peter replied, pointing. Lyra nodded and went to go and put her stuff away. “You should be quick, though. I’m going to James and Lily’s; I figured you might want to come?”_ _

__“Of course,” Lyra shouted back and raced back as soon as she’d put down her bags. She missed Regulus dearly already, but she had so much to catch up on with her old friends._ _

__Peter and Remus and Sirius lived in opposite directions from each other, but both the same distance from Lily and James’ - a few streets down. Today, however, neither Sirius nor Remus joined them._ _

__“They’ve both got tasks,” Lily explained. “We get them all the time. At very inconvenient times, as well. But they have to treat us fairly as we’re of age.”_ _

__“Ah, okay,” Lyra said, and she had a fleeting thought: “Do you think I’d be able to join you guys? In the resistance?”_ _

__“Aye, Swiper, that dangerous business,” James was quick to retaliate._ _

__“You mean, you don’t think I’m capable?” Lyra wouldn’t pick a fight considering the fragility of their friendship, but she was genuinely curious as to how James thought she couldn’t, or rather, shouldn’t, do it. Maybe he was protecting her, but maybe he was just being blunt, and she was bad. At magic. At everything. Or worst of all, he didn’t want her there._ _

__“I don’t want to see you get hurt,” James answered honestly._ _

__“Nothing personal; he’s had this conversation with all of us,” Lily interjected._ _

__Lyra nodded. That was fair. “So, tell me about some of your missions, then.”_ _

__Peter twitched. “We’ve signed a non-disclosure agreement. With the Ministry.”_ _

__“Nonsense,” James dismissed, wafting his hand. “I’ll tell you about one of mine,” he grinned. “It was three days after I proposed to Lily, and Dumbledore came-a-knockin’ on our door. He asked where Sirius was and floo’d us both to the Ministry. Kingsley, remember him?”_ _

__Lyra nodded. He was quite good friends with them, but more with James. He was in the year above them at school._ _

__“He was looking all mopey in his office about his paperwork, but you should’ve seen how his face lit up with fire when he got told he was going somewhere with us,” James grinned. “So we all went with Dumbledore to a private room where he told us what we would be doing. There was a recent attack just a mile away - that’s where you found me in that broken house looking for your muggle friend.”_ _

__“You met Lyra?” Lily inquired. “Why didn’t you mention it?” She wasn’t angry, no where near, instead she was just curious, voice soft._ _

__“I didn’t think it was a big deal,” James said, but anyone could tell he felt a little guilty._ _

__“Of course you didn’t,” she joked. “How is your friend, Lyra?” Lily addressed her this time._ _

__With absolutely no time nor emotional capacity to deal with this again, Lyra answered, “he’s fine,” she dismissed it. “James?”_ _

__“Where was I...” he continued. “Oh, right. So I had to watch this field from the house - as you know it was really dark so no one really saw me. I was pretty bored, if I’m honest, but then I saw this green light. ...We all know what green light means,” he said uncomfortably, “so I came out from my hiding spot and I found a bunch of nasty death eaters prowling about in the tree line. I went to interrogate them but they started duelling with me instead, so I hit back. I had to kill one of them, but I also caught one!”_ _

__“Wow,” Lyra was impressed. “Go James.”_ _

__James grinned. “Gracias.”_ _

__Peter had been constantly looking over at Lyra the whole story. He was a horrible secret keeper. He was making it so obvious that he was suspicious, a ‘nasty death eater’. He couldn’t just keep looking forwards, could he? It was a bloody good job that James was oblivious and Lily was completely entranced whilst he talked. Lyra glared at Peter from her seat on the sofa and he immediately stopped staring._ _

__“Can I talk to you?” Lily asked Lyra quietly, catching her off guard. Lyra nodded. They both took fresh cups of hot chocolate onto the patio with them._ _

__“What up?” Lyra asked, waiting for the penny to drop._ _

__“Nothing really,” Lily said airily. “Just wanted to see how you were.”_ _

__“Well, I’m fine, I guess. What about you?”_ _

__“Good. Really good, actually,” Lily drank form her cup. She paused, “I...I know about your dad.”_ _

__And there was the penny._ _

__Lyra shook her head. “He was never my father. Nor was my ‘mother’. Real ones don’t treat their kids like that.”_ _

__Lily had a knowing look twinkling in her eye. Or perhaps the twinkling were the tears, and suddenly Lyra knew what was running through her head._ _

__“It was the man James killed in his story, wasn’t it?” Lyra asked, devoid of emotion._ _

__Lily looked away and nodded. “He doesn’t know. That it was your father, I mean. The body was identified, clearly, but the order doesn’t always keep up with the deceased on Voldemort’s side unless they’re a significant figure.”_ _

__Lyra stared out into the dark sky, wind causing her hair to flap around her ears and make her seemingly permanent headache even worse. “My friend’s dead. The one I mentioned before. The one I was looking for when I met James.”_ _

__“What?” Lily’s eyes were wide. “Hell, Lyra I’m so sorry, are you okay?”_ _

__“Honestly, no. But I sort of have to be. There’s no one there to help me if I am now.” she knew she sounded as if she was having a pity party, but as she expelled her feelings, it was as if she could feel the bricks falling from her shoulders one by one._ _

__“I’m always here.”_ _

__Lily lifted her arm and Lyra fell to her side, willing the tears back. She knew exactly how she’d ended up here, but at the same time she had no idea._ _

__Shovelling some more proverbial bricks off her shoulders, Lyra said, “I know about Mia, too. And Monty. I’m so fucking sorry, red. And James seems so happy. I just know that on the inside it hurts like hell for the both of you.”_ _

__“You knew them more than me, I don’t dare estimate how much you lost when you heard,” Lily said determinedly._ _

__“I do miss them,” Lyra sighed. She felt a small, wet drip on her hand and when she looked to it’s source, she saw Lily was crying. “Hey,” she sat up, “I know we’re talking about the dead and all, but what up? We can stop talking if it upsets you.”_ _

__“No,” Lily shook her head, “it’s me. It’s my fault,” she scrunched her face up and the tears came silently._ _

__If you were to ask Lyra, silent tears were the worst. It shows how consumed by pent up emotions a person is that they can’t even bring themselves to make noise to express it. The pain. The grief. The guilt. It all builds up until you don’t recognise yourself anymore, and when it comes down to crying and finally letting your feelings out, words can’t express your utter disparity. Not even noise can._ _

__“How do you mean?” Lyra rubbed her back._ _

__“D-do you know how they died?”_ _

__Lyra shook her head. All she knew was that they were gone and they weren’t coming back._ _

__“Well, it was my fault,” she said quietly. “They were...kidnapped, essentially. By death eaters. They were tortured so much. After, they got brought to the hospital and were being stabilised. They died there, but it was because of me that they died...” Lily wiped her cheeks, calming down externally but still clearly distraught inside. “The doctors were convinced they weren’t in pain, but when me and James visited and he was away getting coffee, Fleamont asked...if I would kill them both. To stop the pain. I told them I couldn’t, but I could see it in their eyes.”_ _

__Lyra wanted to cry herself. This was awful. Not in the sense that it was Lily’s fault, but the initial tragedy of it all. The scars you left._ _

__“I didn’t think I could say yes, but I considered what the long term effects would be. We would all be in immense periods of grief, that’s for sure, but Mia and Monty would be at peace. Happy. If they stayed alive, no one would be happy. James and the rest of us may not have been prepared to let them go, but in the end, it would’ve hurt us all more to know that they were living for us and not themselves, and that they were hurting doing it.”_ _

__Lyra nodded, and she knew where it was going, but she wanted to hear it. Not for herself, but for Lily. Expressing yourself always releases tension that vitally needs releasing, however much you don’t realise, and Lily clearly hadn’t had chance to vent._ _

__“I haven’t told James,” a few of her tears freed themselves at this, “I just can’t. I can’t bare it. Because I did kill them. They asked me to do it, but I couldn’t. Instead I left their headache tablets in reach from where they lay, and they did it. I-I influenced it, Lyra, I killed them. It’s horrible; I can’t tell him but I need to.”_ _

__Lyra wrapped her arms around her. “Lily, no. That’s the most noble and brave thing I’ve ever heard. It’s beautiful, in a messed up sense, with the way of war, but it’s so beautiful. You stopped what would’ve been their eternal pain. And of course it’s going to be nigh on impossible to tell James, but I can promise you he won’t be mad at you, much less hate you. He would understand,” Lyra assured her. “You didn’t kill them, you helped them.”_ _

__“It doesn’t feel like that, though,” Lily sniffed, nose pink._ _

__“And of course it doesn’t feel positive. Someone’s died, for Merlin’s sake!” Lyra exclaimed and Lily laughed a little. “But you’re very brave, and I’m proud to have you as my friend.”_ _

__Lily smiled._ _

__“Anyway, have we any plans for the next little while?” Lyra queried._ _

__Lily nodded eagerly, disposing of the rest of her sadness. “Oh, yeah, definitely. The wedding’s next month and there’s still some stuff you can help out with!”_ _

__That week, Lyra got chance to grieve the gone properly for the first time. There was nothing clouding her mind in the moment, not Peter, not Ace, not Regulus. After a good week, she was at the final stage of her grief: acceptance._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is story of my life by one direction  
> \- if was the full moon last night <\3


	35. [thirty five, august 1979]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> potters wedding ,, tw happy couple :’)

_Oh-oh, oh  
I'll always love you  
Until the time we die  
Oh-oh, oh... ___

__:::_ _

__August, 1979_ _

__Regulus would be flooing over to Lyra and Peters accommodation that day. She had to speak with him about so much, and she also had a rather important question to ask him. She had been waiting all morning for eleven o'clock and leapt up as the fireplace roared with green flames._ _

__"Reggie!" Lyra greeted and hugged him close, as if he could just slip form her fingers._ _

__"Is he here?" Regulus asked almost immediately._ _

__"Who?" Lyra frowned. "Peter?"_ _

__"Yes."_ _

__"No...why?"_ _

__"You said you have something to ask and I need to show you everything I've done since school ended," Regulus lead her back over to the sofa she'd jumped up from. "Ask away."_ _

__"Oh," Lyra smiled with excitement, "well, I was wondering if you'd be my plus one to Lily and James' wedding? It's next week, so sorry for the short notice, but...?"_ _

__Regulus shifted in his seat, his face uncomfortable. "I don't think I'm welcome there."_ _

__"Nonsense, they would never. And if it's Sirius? Well...he can suck it up," Lyra said determinedly. "You have to come, please?"_ _

__Regulus hesitated then heaved a great sigh. "Okay. But no after party."_ _

__"Of course, of course," Lyra dismissed, but she didn't really care; they'd both escaped Voldemort enough times for her to be able to make it to her best friend's wedding, and that was enough for her. "What have you done with out me?"_ _

__"I've just been perfecting a lot of spells," Regulus answered, "look, I'll show you...”_ _

__\----_ _

__Lyra, by the time of the wedding, was vibrating with excitement almost. She admired the soft blue of the bridesmaid dress Lily had chosen and thought: why had she never worn blue before? It was definitely her colour, it seemed._ _

__“Reg are you ready yet?” Lyra called. He’d stayed with Lyra and Peter for the last week for the the wedding, much to his distaste._ _

__“Yes, one second,” he climbed down the stairs. “Done?”_ _

__Lyra grinned. He looked very flashy in his suit. “Yep. Let’s go.”_ _

__The wedding was to be at the Potter household; there was enough garden and ball room space, let alone the extension charms they could use if necessary. Lily and James thought it would be safer to get married at home considering everything. It’s the safer option, lest they draw attention to themselves in a time as dark as this._ _

__That also made Lyra think about how amazing her friends are, being one of the only lights in this suffering. Lyra doubts, after everything, that she’d ever get married to anyone. Regulus might, but not her. She could feel it in her bones that something was wrong and it was going to show itself sooner or later, and it’d be too much for her to have a life of her own. But that was enough for her - to know her friends would be content and together in soul, body, heart and law. That’s all she ever wants for them._ _

__“Greetings,” Sirius opened the door, beaming. Whatever he was going to say next got stuck in his throat, choking him, and instead he blurted, “oh! Regulus?!”_ _

__Both brothers froze on the spot. Obviously, they both knew they’d probably cross paths again, but neither could have predicted it would be like this._ _

__“Sirius?” It was as if Regulus couldn’t believe his eyes. “I thought I’d never see you again...”_ _

__Sirius shook his head. “Never,” he said surely, then broke out into a shit eating grin and threw himself at Regulus, almost knocking him over._ _

__“Jesus,” Regulus laughed, and Lyra could see in the way his eyes sparkled, and the way his smile was that extra bit bigger, that he was truly elated to see Sirius again. “Let’s go inside.”_ _

__“Okay,” Sirius had a skip in his step. “What’ve you been up to lately?”_ _

__Regulus slipped an unnoticeable, furtive glance Lyra’s way before lying, “not much. Just school, I s’pose. What about you? Fighting demons or have you been couch hopping?”_ _

__“I’ll have you know I’ve got my own apartment, thank you very much,” Sirius sniffed and Regulus snorted._ _

__“Where?”_ _

__“East from here. With Remus,” Sirius answered, no joking tones in his voice, and Regulus was genuinely impressed._ _

__“Wow. You really did it,” he said softly. “Huh.”_ _

__“Did what?”_ _

__“Grew up. I’m proud of you, really,” Regulus said and anyone could see Sirius could barely contain himself. As much as he would lie to himself that his family’s (well, former family’s) opinion didn’t matter to him, Sirius would always secretly seek approval and validation from Regulus. Just like he did when they were kids._ _

__Lyra smiled. Her brothers warmed her heart and seeing them act like they used to brought her so much joy. However, she decided to leave them to speak on their own and find someone else to talk to. As if by calling, Remus rushed out of another room and almost crashed right into her._ _

__“Shit, sorry Lyra,” Remus said._ _

__“Hey, what’s up? Where’re you going so fast?” She frowned._ _

__“Getting James water. Sirius is supposed to be in there with him and talking to him, seeing as he’s the best man, but he’s off doing fuck knows what,” he rolled his eyes, “and now I have to make sure he doesn’t get cold feet or some shit.”_ _

__Years later and Remus’ foul language still hadn’t changed a bit, not that the marauders would have it any other way._ _

__“I’ll talk to him,” Lyra said. “His room?”_ _

__“Same as always,” Remus smiled and proceeded to get water whilst Lyra headed in the opposite direction._ _

__Lyra knocked and the door handle rattled as a shaky hand opened it._ _

__“Water,” James reached out his hand and Lyra stared down at it dumbly. James blinked. “Oh. You’re not Remus. And you don’t have water.”_ _

__“Bloody hell, I expect you to be the next chief detective with skills like that,” Lyra drawled and entered the room, pushing James back inside and shutting the door._ _

__“Ha ha,” James said wryly and collapsed onto the bed. The one in the same room he’d had since he was a baby. “Swiper, I’m so fucking scared.”_ _

__“Wow, must be true if James ‘golden boy’ Potter is spouting curses as if he were Remus,” Lyra tutted and she could see a daft smile emerging from where James hid his face behind his hands._ _

__He sat up and heaved a great sigh. “What if she changes her mind?”_ _

__Lyra raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”_ _

__“James-ly,” he replied and Lyra was so close to slapping the smirk right off his face._ _

__“It can’t be that bad if you’re really making Sirius puns right now,” she reprimanded. She sat next to him on the bed and nudged him with her shoulder. “You got her, though. She’s marrying you.”_ _

__James started smiling again until it reached his ears. “She is, isn’t she?”_ _

__“Yeah,” Lyra said. Wow. He was really getting married. “And you’re damn lucky as well!”_ _

__“I am,” he didn’t stop grinning._ _

__“Absolutely whipped, you are,” Lyra laughed._ _

__“I mean, I wouldn’t marry her otherwise,” James reasoned. “Wouldn’t do that to someone.”_ _

__“You’re marrying your high school sweetheart, how do you feel?” Lyra said into an invisible microphone._ _

__“Like I did ever since day one,” James replied, completely sincere._ _

__That moment, Remus returned, a distantly confused look on his face. “Water?”_ _

__And Lyra burst out laughing._ _

__——_ _

__“Repeat after me. I, James Potter,” the priest said._ _

__“I, James Potter,”_ _

__“Take thee, Lily Evans,”_ _

__“Take thee, Lily Evans,”_ _

__“To be my lawfully wedded wife,”_ _

__“To be my lawfully wedded wife,” James smiled, eyes twinkling at Lily who smiled back  
all the same._ _

__“To have and to hold, from this day forwards,”_ _

__“To have and to hold, from this day forwards,”_ _

__“For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”_ _

__“For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”_ _

__“Do you, Lily Evans, agree to take thee, James Potter, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forwards, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?” The priest said._ _

__“I do,” Lily answered._ _

__“You may kiss the bride,” the priest stepped back to let James and Lily have their moment as the wedding party erupted into tumultuous cheers, all with the exception of Lily’s bitter faced sister Petunia._ _

__After the ceremony came to a close, Lyra went to congratulate Lily and James._ _

__“Mr and Mrs Potter,” she said from behind them and they both turned around hand in hand, wild smiles._ _

__“Hey,” Lily replied in lieu of James who wasn’t currently producing coherent sentences, nor letting Lily out his sight._ _

__“Congratulations,” she said. “Peter owes me ten galleons.”_ _

__“What?!” James said._ _

__“Chill,” Lyra laughed. “I’m joking. We would never bet on your love life or anything. Well, not Lily’s.”_ _

__James wrapped his arms around Lily protectively. She didn’t look impressed, but wasn’t protesting. “I love you,” he mumbled into the top of her hair._ _

__“Oh, trust me, I know,” Lily grinned. “But I love you as well, so.”_ _

__“Peter can shove ten galleons up his arse then.”_ _

__Lyra wheezed and looked over to Peter who was busy talking to other guests happily, no idea of their conversation. “I’ll see you guys soon,” she said and headed towards Peter, but was ambushed by Regulus and Sirius._ _

__“Come on,” Sirius hushed and pulled her by her wrist._ _

__“Y’all know how suspicious this looks, right?” Lyra raised an eyebrow and they both grinned mischievously. “God, what’ve I done. I should’ve kept you apart, because now you two being together again is gonna cause chaos. Am I right?”_ _

__“No, silly,” Regulus said. “It’s your birthday.”_ _

__Lyra blinked. “Oh. It is?”_ _

__Regulus looked at his watch. “Well, in three minutes,” he tapped it as the minute hand got steadily closer to midnight._ _

__“I can’t just leave the wedding,” Lyra said._ _

__“I know, but you said you wouldn’t force me to go to the after party, so,” Regulus said and Lyra couldn’t deny anything._ _

__“Fine.”_ _

__Sirius and Regulus smiled like miscreants._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is godspeed by frank ocean


	36. [thirty six, september 1979]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- idk, this chapter is rly crap and dry, but it’s progress people  
> \- there’s only like 8 chapters or sum left for me to write, and i’m not prepared 😩

_Always looking for ways to love you  
Never failing to fight at your side  
While the angels of love protect us  
From the innermost secrets we hide_

_I'll hold you for as long as you like  
I'll hold you for the rest of my life_

_Long live all of us crazy soldiers  
Who were born under calico skies  
May we never be called to handle  
All the weapons of war we despise ___

__:::_ _

__September, 1979_ _

__The floo by Lyra's seat on the sofa roared and made her jump, dropping her book. She wasn’t expecting anyone today, was she?_ _

__"Jesus Christ, who is it?" she squinted and the flames._ _

__"Me," the blurry face said, becoming clearer, but only barley._ _

__"James? Why didn't you just come over?" Lyra questioned and went over to the fireplace to talk to the floating head._ _

__"That's the thing," James sounded sad. "I can't.”_ _

__Lyra shook her head around. “Elaborate, maybe?”_ _

__“Me and Lily have been put under strict precautions by the auror department,” Jane showed his head. Not shamefully, just disappointed. “Our house is now unplottable, which means no one can come and visit anymore and we're not permitted to go out or anything."_ _

__"What?!" Lyra yelled. "No! They can't do that!"_ _

__"They can," James shook his head. "...There's a spy in the order, Swiper. Feeding information to Voldemort, and Kingsley found out about his plans to try and get to us to him. Kill us."_ _

__Acid crept up Lyra's throat, greeting her like an old friend. She'd done this, she thought. She was the spy. But ... no one knew it was her? She briefly looked up towards the mirror above the mantle piece to see if perhaps Peter was lingering by the door._ _

__What if it was Peter? He had been willing to do whatever Voldemort wanted him to do. Lyra saw stars, and not the pretty ones._ _

__"We have a secret keeper," James said. "Sirius."_ _

__"What's that?"_ _

__"He's the only one with our address that knows how to get here now."_ _

__"You moved house?" Lyra felt so small. So small in this big, cruel world. Her friends were moving on, but not in the way anyone ever hoped. They were moving on because they weren't safe, and she, or any of their other friends, wouldn't be able to be there too._ _

__"Yeah," James replied, still sad. He wanted so badly to tell her all about Godric's Hollow, and that everything wasn't as bad as it seemed, but that would be lying. Godric's Hollow itself was fine, more so than, actually. It's all James had ever wanted, to grow old with Lily in a beautiful house._ _

__But 'everything isn't as bad as it seems' was where the lies fall in. It was hell. Learning to live like they have to, completely cut off from society and the things and people they love and yearn to see. Having to be secretive about everything. There was only a finite amount of time they could handle being stuck like this, and James knew they'd start lying and mistrusting each other sooner or later. He'd already told Lyra that Sirius is the secret keeper to give her a peace of mind. At least, that's what James thought he was doing, when really, it was just one white lie. Which will lead to another. And another. And before he knows it, no one will be able to trust any one anymore. Not even the five best friends. ‘Best friends.’_ _

__"You didn't even get a honeymoon or anything," Lyra said, and everything in her heart began to ache more and more._ _

__"I know, but Lyra, it's okay! I do have some good news," James grinned mischievously, but she could tell he was really happy about whatever he was about to tell her._ _

__"Go on," Lyra said. She was still caught up in a concoction of regret but if it was important to James, she was willing to listen._ _

__"Lily's pregnant."_ _

__"WHAT?!" Lyra yelled._ _

__"She's having a baby, Swiper. My baby," there was no pulling James out of this reverie. There was a difference between good, happy, and fully content. James definitely wasn't any of those in general, but at the thought of a baby Potter, he was clearly over the moon._ _

__"Bloody 'ell, Potter, you're barely nineteen!" Lyra shouted back._ _

__"I know what I'm doing, Lyra, I promise," James said sincerely. "Well, not exactly, but I will try. I will try so hard for them both and you know it."_ _

__"No, no, of course, I know ... I guess I was just really shocked," Lyra muttered, bewildered, and it was the truth._ _

__They really were growing up. It was inevitable, obviously, but still. Reality hit her when the Potter's got married (it felt odd referring to Lily as a Potter, yet it also felt right), but this was a whole new level of what Lyra wished she had. James was going to have a whole ass family by the time he was twenty whilst Lyra was hung up on a death mission, relationships the last thing on her mind._ _

__"I'm happy for you, though," she smiled, and worry creases eased out of James' face. Some were still there, though, and it showed the real burden of the war. The stress. "Didn't know you had it in you," she grinned._ _

__"Oi, pack it in," James grinned right back._ _

__——_ _

__Lyra hoped Regulus remembered how the telephone charm worked because she was itching to speak to him. He had to ring the phone box at the end of the street, which painfully reminded her of Ace, but at least she got to talk to him._ _

__After forty painful minutes, something finally came through, though it was very unclear._ _

__"Bloody hell, what're you using?" Lyra pulled the phone a short distance from her ear as the static became even louder._ _

__"A shoe," Regulus answered fuzzily._ _

__Lyra snorted. "Right, ‘course you would. Where are we up to, then?"_ _

__"I think," Regulus shuffled some things about on the other end, a distinctive thud of a book onto the floor, "we're done. Almost."_ _

__"Really?! I don't feel like I know that much," Lyra was quite surprised if she's honest._ _

__Regulus scoffed. "You could write at least four books from the stuff in your head at the rate we've been cramming."_ _

__"I reckon about twelve out of your knowledge, though," Lyra grinned._ _

__"Mm, well..." Regulus said, clearly embarrassed by the compliment._ _

__"So, we're leaving soon, Reggie?" Lyra said quietly. She couldn't quite believe it._ _

__"Yeah."_ _

__"Are you scared?"_ _

__Regulus hummed. "I knew a girl with a massive ego, and a ton of bravery, that once said, 'it's dangerous, but I'm willing to sacrifice for it.’”_ _

__Lyra smiled._ _

__“And I stand by that, too, now. But the question is, do you still stand by that?” Regulus asked._ _

__“Always.” Lyra answered. “I’m not going back on my word now, I can’t.”_ _

__“Scared, Black?”_ _

__Lyra could hear the playful tone in his voice. “You wish.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is calico skies by paul mccartney


	37. [thirty seven, october 1979]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- cw: blood, razors, self harm? (i’m not sure if it counts, but they hurt themself)

_Watching through my fingers, watching through my fingers  
In my thoughts you're far away  
And you are whistling the melody, whistling the melody  
Crystallizing clear as day  
Oh, I can picture you so easily, picture you so easily_

_What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?  
What's gonna be left of the world, oh ___

__:::_ _

__October, 1979_ _

__"Quickly and quietly," Regulus said. He dragged Lyra by her wrist through the Honeydukes tunnel and, at the other end, up the stairs and into the room of requirement._ _

__"We need somewhere to go outside of Hogwarts, I hate doing this," Lyra dusted herself off. Sneaking into Hogwarts was not easy, and so many risks came with it and she'd rather they just stay in Hogsmeade where they can't be told off or arrested. Well, Regulus may be breaking curfew, but that's the extent of it._ _

__"Sorry, but we need somewhere practical today," Regulus rummaged through his back and pulled out a thick tome._ _

__"Jesus, how many extension charms on that?" she peered over and looked into where Regulus' arm had been completely consumed by the bag._ _

__"A lot, but they're undetectable," he said. "Do you have a blade, or something? A razor? Broken glass? Something sharp."_ _

__Lyra frowned. "Aye?"_ _

__"Oh, never mind," as Regulus said the words, the room of requirements produced a sharp, jagged rock on the table. He took it firmly in his hand and held out his arm, dragging it all the way down, blood spilling everywhere._ _

__Lyra yelped. "REGULUS! What the fuck?!"_ _

__"Squeamish?"_ _

__"I'm a girl, Black," Lyra deadpanned._ _

__"Oh, right..."_ _

__"Well? What the hell are you doing?!" Lyra shouted._ _

__"Sh!" Regulus winced as he moved his arm a little too quickly. "I need you to practice healing spells. I know we have already, but not on actual wounds. Fix me."_ _

__"You're mental," Lyra glared, but she healed it before he could lose too much blood. “Episkey," she muttered, and watched as the skin on Regulus' arm stitched itself back together, not leaving so much as a pink line. "Don't bloody do that."_ _

__"What do you mean? It's your turn now," Regulus said._ _

__Lyra looked positively horrified. "Get fucked!"_ _

__Regulus’ face split into a grin, "joking. I can practice on my leg."_ _

__"I think the fuck not," Lyra silently summoned to rock and it flew into her hand. "We'll transfigure the chairs, or something."_ _

__"Would it work the same, though?" Regulus frowned. "Would they still have blood, and, like ... life?"_ _

__Lyra shrugged. "Only one way to find out."_ _

__"Well, that's a lie, we could just research it, but..."_ _

__"Oh hush," Lyra rolled her eyes._ _

__She and Regulus dragged out some chairs and transfigured them into people. Two old men now sat with their legs crossed, silently and obediently looking up at Lyra and Regulus. They didn't express any emotion on their faces, but the men looked completely peaceful and Lyra felt increasingly cruel._ _

__"It's just chairs," she reminded herself. "Diffindo."_ _

__Green sparks flew from her wand and struck the man closer to her on his leg, leaving several deep gashes. The man didn't make a single noise; he just looked down at his leg and back up at Lyra, mouth shut behind a long white beard._ _

__"I-I don't want to, Lyra," Regulus shook his head and Lyra could see that it would hurt him to do this._ _

__"I won’t force you to do anything, but I promise it's not that bad," Lyra said softly. "Look," she pointed to the man with the bleeding leg who hadn't moved a muscle and was staring at the floor, bored. "They're not real people. They're just chairs, remember?"_ _

__Regulus gulped audibly. He drew his wand shakily and muttered, "Sectumsempra."_ _

__Lyra's eyes widened as the same thing happened to Regulus' man-chair as Lyra's, but much more forcefully. Blood spilled just as fast, in a sickly way, and Lyra drew a magical line around the two men to stop the blood from reaching to far across the floor and getting all over her and Regulus’ feet._ _

__"I've never heard of that before! Which book is it in?"_ _

__"It's not in any of them," Regulus said and his lips twitched into a half smile. "Sev taught me."_ _

__Lyra pulled her face. "Where did he learn it?"_ _

__“He made it.”_ _

__Lyra was astonished that Snape could actually do that. Sure, he was good at potions, but he was never the best at charms and defensive spells. That was before a horrible, haunting memory dawned on her. “It’s that one he used against me,” she said quietly._ _

__“What? When?!” Regulus was suddenly furious._ _

__“Years ago,” Lyra shrugged off her robe and undid a couple of buttons on her shirt, pulling it down to reveal the top of her shoulder and a little of her arm. Four thin silver scars lived there, ugly and obvious. She didn’t mind them after a while, though, because James had similar ones._ _

__“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Regulus demanded, cursing under his breath. “They won’t fade, Lyra, they’re magical.”_ _

__“I know. I knew that all along,” Lyra said nonchalantly. She did care that they would be there for the rest of her life, but that was the least of her worries at the moment. “And I didn’t tell you because you kept telling me to get lost. It doesn’t matter anymore, we need to clean this up.”_ _

__They both turned back to the men and cast cleaning and healing spells until they looked brand new. Well, as brand new as old men that are actually chairs can look._ _

__“Teach me the curse, then,” Lyra prepared herself. “And after that we need to break some bones and heal those, too, then turn them back into chairs so I don’t get PTSD.”_ _

__——_ _

__It was eleven o’clock when Lyra finally stumbled back to her apartment. However, when she entered, Peter wasn’t there. It was clean and just how it had been since she left at lunch time. It seemed no one had been home all day; nothing out of place, no slightly warm lightbulbs or anything. It looked empty and cold and it rubbed Lyra the wrong way._ _

__Not liking this at all, she decided to apparate to Remus and Sirius’. When she knocked on the door, no one answered and she started to panic. All the lights were off and Sirius’ motorbike was stationary out front. Lyra really fucking hoped they weren’t dead or something._ _

__She looked around wildly, as if the trees or near by houses were going to tell her what to do, and she sighed in relief when she realised. The bright, full moon glared tantalising down at her. A werewolf was better than dead, she supposed, although Remus would beg to differ._ _

__Once she was sure there were no muggles near by, she turned into Swiper and sprinted into the adjacent forest, scouting for her animal friends._ _

__That night, Lyra spent the moon with the marauders for the first time in what felt like forever, but little did she know, it would also be the last._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is good grief by bastille  
> \- rereading this, it sounds very rushed, but i just honestly didn’t know how to word some of it


	38. [thirty eight, november 1979]

:::

November, 1979

"I just- I don't know how to explain it," Regulus said exasperatedly, arms flung haywire. 

"Well, I don't know what you mean," Lyra returned with the same dramatic flair. 

"We need, like..." Regulus pushed his hair out his face. He made a move to get up put Lyra tugged him back down by his sleeve. 

"You can't walk out of the bubble; people will hear you," she referred to the charm she cast around their seat. They'd met at the Hogs Head, just as she'd done with Peter. 

Peter. 

He was another problem Lyra had get to fix. If Sirius was the Potter's secret keeper, though, everything should be fine for a while. At least until she'd finished this horcrux business. 

Regulus sat back down and slumped forwards, banging his head painfully loudly on the musty table. "We need ... heightened senses? Extra senses? Awareness? Like that of an animal."

Lyra raised an eyebrow. 

"I don't know how to explain it!" Regulus growled. "Is there some sort of spell that enhances what we hear and smell and gives us accurate and hyper aware instincts or some bullshit."

"...Oh." Lyra realised what he meant now. Well, this was awkward. 

"What do you mean, 'oh'?!" 

"I mean," Lyra stalled, "that I already have those."

Regulus scoffed. "There goes the ego again."

"No!" Lyra said defensively. "I'm a-..."

"You're a what?!" Regulus was quite obviously frustrated now. 

"I'm an animagus," she hissed in a whisper despite the charm. 

"You're shitting me," Regulus looked astounded. "How? When?"

"Years ago," she dismissed. "But that's not the point. The point is that I can go in the cave or wherever as an animal and keep a look out or whatever it is that you think we need."

"...But why?" Regulus asked. It was apparent he wasn't letting this go lightly. Why Lyra thought he would, she didn't know. 

"It's a long ass story," Lyra sighed and rubbed the creases on her forehead. 

"I've got time," Regulus kicked his feet up on the bench and leaned back as to show Lyra he wasn't going anywhere any time soon. 

"We don't really, though, do we?" 

"I'm waiting."

Lyra groaned. "Right. So. You can't tell anyone one. No one can know. Promise?"

Regulus nodded and they hooked pinkies. 

"Remus...is a werewolf," Lyra said. Regulus only looked mildly surprised so that was as good of a start as any, she supposed. "The rest of us decided we wanted to help him because he used to hurt himself on moons, so we did research and it turned out animagi was the best option. We did think about it, before you shout at me. We found out that wolves don't hurt animals like they do people, so it was safe. It was a rather uncomfortable process but at the end of the day, it's worth it in the long run."

"So, what are you?"

Lyra wasn't sure if she should be concerned that Regulus had already seemingly forgotten about the fact that Remus was a wolf, but she wasn't going to take it for granted. 

"A fox."

"Brilliant," Regulus grinned. "Is it fun?"

"Hell yeah, but being so small can be a bit of a disadvantage. The speed makes up for it though," she shrugged. 

"How did all of this help Lupin? I mean, did it work?"

"Yeah, every full moon whilst we were at school," she said and missed it. It was hell to see Remus' pain, but it was how all five of them bonded. "I went with him, on the last one, you know?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, when I was walking back from meeting you. Peter wasn’t home, I figured he was out being a sneak, and obviously I couldn’t go to Lily and James’-“

“Why not?” Regulus frowned. 

Lyra winced. “Yeah, they had to go into hiding. From Voldemort. Because Peter’s a damn bastard and he’s gonna get them killed if he’s not careful. I swear, I tried to get him to stop thinking like he is, and he just kept threatening to tell the Dark Lord that I’m a ‘double agent’.”

“Fuck,” Regulus breathed. What a damn mess. “So no one can see them?”

“Sirius can, because he’s the secret keeper, but no one else know their address.”

Regulus sighed. “How did everything come to this? We were all kids once, happy, and now...”

Yeah. Lyra knew. She once had friends. She had two brothers, five best friends and had a hell of a brilliant time with her Gryffindor mates. But now?

Her dad was dead. 

Ace was dead. 

Euphemia and Fleamont, aka her secondary parents, were dead. 

Hundreds of thousands of muggles were dead, and so much more. 

She’d become unhappy with herself. With life. She wouldn’t be fully satisfied until she sorted out the horcruxes and Peter but that alone could take a lifetime. 

“Finish your story, anyway,” Regulus said. “Cheer me up.”

“Well...” Lyra’s mind was elsewhere now. “Home was empty, I couldn’t go to the Potters’, so I headed for Moony and Padfoot’s house, but they weren’t in.”

“Who?”

“Sorry, Sirius and Remus,-“

“Wait! That’s- that’s where their names come from? Their animal forms?” Regulus looked quite impressed. 

“Yeah,” Lyra grinned. “Anyway, they weren’t there so I sort of panicked but then I noticed the moon and decided to go and find them and stay the moon for the first time in ages.”

“I just can’t believe y’all did that,” Regulus shook his head, “and in school as well?”

Lyra nodded. “Guess what they are. Their animals.”

“You all did it?!”

Lyra nodded. 

“Shit, well, Lupin is a wolf, and the moon, so that’s Moony. Quite clever, actually,” Regulus credited Lyra who smiled. “His parents really cursed him with that name, though, didn’t they. What did they think would happen? Werewolf McWerewolf.”

“Please, we always used to wind him up about that,” Lyra laughed. 

“I would’ve too. So, you’re a fox, you told me. Wait, Swiper?”

“Yeah?”

“No, I mean that’s your nickname, right? Sirius got us all told off for it at home. And then Potter and the rest of them used to holler it down the halls.”

“Oh, yeah,” Lyra nodded. “It is.”

“How does that work?”

“Muggle thing. It’s called Dora the Explorer,” Lyra barked out a laugh. “Kids program.”

“What in the world?-“

“It was James who came up with, and to this day, I have no idea how he ever knew of it. But it’s James Potter, who am I to question his strange ways?”

Regulus agreed vaguely since he couldn’t really argue otherwise. “James Potter. Prat.”

“What do you reckon his is?”

“Some great, flashy, prancing, giant thing. A lion or a bloody peacock or something,” Regulus gestured and it sent Lyra into fits of giggles. 

“You’re not far off with your thinking process, but no,” she smiled. 

“What’s his daft name?”

“Prongs.”

“Prongs? What is he, a bloody fork?” Regulus gawked. 

Lyra couldn’t handle herself at this. Should the charm break, they’d be in real trouble. “No he’s not a fork, you daft dimbo. He’s a stag,” she wheezed. 

“How and who came up with that name?”

“Peter, actually, I think. He forgot the word for antlers and it kinda stuck. Though I do like to call him Prancer to annoy him,” Lyra admitted, reminiscing. 

“Funny people,” Regulus eyed her. “So then, Sirius. Is it gonna be in his name too? That’s so sad.”

Lyra faltered for a second. “Actually it is in his name. Bloody hell, I never noticed before. What’s with this irony?”

“Tell me it,” Regulus insisted. “My brain has had enough for today.”

“He’s called padfoot, and he’s this big black dog. Sorta like the Grim, not gonna lie.”

“How’s-“ Regulus stopped. “Wow, really.”

Lyra hold in her laughter almost to bursting point. “And Peter’s a rat. Wormtail.”

Regulus snorted. “Poor lad, that awful!”

Lyra shrugged. “Serves him right in the end, doesn’t it?”

“I suppose...” Regulus shrugged. He paused, “do you miss him? Remus?”

“‘Course I do. All the time. I miss them all. But it would never have worked; look at us now, polar opposites.”

“But opposites attract, no?” Regulus swapped places from his bench at the booth to Lyra’s. He laid his head on her shoulder. 

“What about you?” Lyra nudged him. 

“What about me?”

“Tell me about your old love problems like I used to do,” Lyra was genuinely curious to hear what went on in his love life, like the nosy bastard she is, because she was convinced he actually didn’t have one. 

“Well, there’s Anastasiya. The one you borrowed the dress from,” Regulus began. 

“Oh yeah,” Lyra smiled. It was nice to hear this and she could bully him about it later on. But, in all fairness, Anastasiya was gorgeous. “What happened?”

“Nothing, really. I would’ve wrote to her, but I wanted to do it properly, using her real name.”

Lyra frowned. “What’s her real name?”

“It’s still Anastasiya, but it’s spelt in Russian characters, and I didn’t want to mess it up, so I never wrote anything. I got over it after a while,” she felt Regulus shrug. 

“Who else is there?”

“Well...” Regulus went quiet. “There was your damn mate as well.”

“Koley?”

Regulus shook his head. 

“Mary?”

Regulus shook his head. 

“Lily?” 

Regulus shook his head. 

“Quinn?”

Regulus shook his head. 

“Remus?”

Regulus shook his head. 

“James?”

Regulus stilled. 

“Potter?!” Lyra moved quickly, causing Regulus to sit up straight. “Really?!”

Regulus glared. “Not a word, Black.”

Lyra grinned widely. “Cross my heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- song is ghost town by kanye west  
> \- what if i told you anastasiya is real and i was in regulus’ situation? 😳  
> \- besties i’m scared to write the rest of this but ima do it i swear 🙏


	39. [thirty nine, december 1979]

_Baby, I'm preying on you tonight_

_Hunt you down, eat you alive_

_Just like animals, animals, like animals-mals_

_Maybe you think that you can hide_

:::

December, 1979

"Let's just go before we leave, hold him off a little longer," Lyra grit her teeth through the pain. The dark mark continued to numb her arm.

"Yeah, we might have a good shot at being left alone to get the horcrux, then," Regulus said, static crackling through. If they were to continue to talk with this charm he'd need something better than a shoe.

"I'll meet you at the forest," Lyra shut the charm off her brush immediately and wrapped herself in a hooded cloak.

"Lyra, wait!" Peter came stumbling down the stairs. "We can go together now," he smiled and Lyra's blood curdled.

She nodded nonetheless and they both transported themselves to the outskirts of the forest by Malfoy Manor where Regulus awaited them already.

"Have haste," he side eyed Peter right up to the door where the Malfoys’ elf let them in drearily.

He fumbled vaguely under his breath before he noticed who was there. "Oh! Can Foncy tell Master Regulus something?" the house elf asked.

"Sure," Regulus answered. "You go in, Pettigrew."

"Why?"

"Well, I don't want you here, do I?" He deadpanned, and Peter turned away, a vague look of disgust on his face. "What is it?" Regulus addressed the elf.

"Foncy wishes to thank Master Regulus for his good service, sir. With Kreacher," Foncy's eyes were wide and sincere.

"How do you mean?" Regulus frowned.

"You is stopping the Dark Lord!" Foncy cried.

"Sh!" Lyra glared and the elf cowered away. "How do you know?"

"Kreacher has been telling Foncy about it."

"What had he said?!"

"Just that his Master Regulus is doing good deeds. Dangerous, but good. Foncy admires Mister Regulus for that - Foncy doesn't want that nasty man in his house anymore," the elf said and Lyra raised her eyebrows.

"I'd hardly call him a man. More of a monster," Lyra muttered.

"Oh, yes, Miss, you is right, also," Foncy nodded reverently.

"Well, thank you, but if you'll excuse us, we need to go and see the Dark Lord before we try and take him down," Lyra said and tugged Regulus down the corridor to the usual, dark meeting room.

She and Regulus sat in the back corner, waiting for Voldemort and avoiding Peter as much as possible.

"Are we going straight there, or...?" Lyra whispered.

"I think we should. We're ready now, and I don't want to waste anymore time," Regulus replied. "Bloody 'ell, can't believe you actually snuck your way into doing this with me."

"I can't believe you were doing this in the first place! And that you thought you were doing it alone," Lyra scolded. She looked up as everyone around her began to move to form a circle. She gave Regulus a furtive glance and they joined them.

"There are multiple reasons I've gathered you here tonight," Voldemort announced, but his voice was hollow and raspy, as if he was sick. "But I'm infinitely proud to announce that one of my more successful associates has managed to get tabs on the Potters, thank you Wormtail."

Lyra's stomach fell through. What? "I- How?!" She didn't care who was staring at her in that moment. 

Peter looked incredibly proud of himself and Lyra saw red. He simply raised an eyebrow and everything fell into place, but Lyra hadn't known they were out of place.

And that's what made every ten times heavier as her world fell to it's knees.

Sirius was never the secret keeper. Why hadn't she realised that before? That's would've been too obvious, so they'd made it Peter. That meant he was the spy in the order as well, and that she wasn't the one with ill intentions (that was a relief on her part, but her anger only escalated).

It had been Peter all along, but now it would be too late.

"I'LL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!" She shot a binding curse at Peter who deflected it with an ease she'd never seen him have before. In fact, she was so shocked that she barely dodged the other five spells that flew her way in retaliation to her out break.

"Lyra you idiot!" Regulus shouted over the sudden conundrum, raucous laughter and explosions and shouts of anger filling up their ears. She'd given them away, but they couldn't do anything about it now.

It wasn't easy, fighting nineteen death eaters and the Dark Lord all at once, so Regulus and Lyra just ran. Ran for the grounds of Malfoy Manor outside of the doors. Lestrange chased them all the way, as did Crouch.

Lyra turned to shoot a hex at them but Regulus disarmed her instead, catching her wand. "No! We need to leave, now!" he yelled. He rushed forwards, grabbing her arm and apparated them away just in time to narrowly avoid Bellatrix's killing curse.

They landed with a great _THUD_ on rocky land, and Regulus cried out in pain. "Fuck," he shouted.

When Lyra gathered her bearings, she grabbed for her wand that had fallen short of her by a couple of feet and rushed straight to her brother.

"Shit, what happened?!" she dropped to her knees by his side. Buckets of blood leaked from his shoulder, a big chunk taken out of it.

"Well, I would think I got splinched considering how fast I just whipped the both of us out of that mess," Regulus coughed.

"Now is not the time for wit, Black. _Accio murtlap_ ," Lyra said. A small vial of translucent liquid shot into her hand from their bag. She poured it generously over Regulus' wound, hands shaking but trying to maintain tranquility.

Before he could lose too much blood, the potion sealed his skin back together, and Regulus lay there for a moment to rejuvenate before getting up.

"Well, that was a bit scary," he brushed his clothes.

"No shit," Lyra deadpanned. " _Allez_."

"Where the fuck are we?" Regulus rubbed his eyes.

"I've no idea; you're the one that took us here," Lyra responded.

Regulus frowned. "I think this is it," he kicked about the floor, "it's rocky. Earthy. Sand-"

"Stop," Lyra drew her arm to stop Regulus walking any further and pushed them both back a few steps. "The water. It's probably protected, right?"

"Ah, yes, good thinking. Might've just died," Regulus smiled.

"Twice within the space of five minutes." Lyra glared. "You might find it amusing but my heart rate definitely doesn't."

Regulus grinned, then sighed. "Keep an eye out for anything shiny, small, or looks like an artifact, like the locket or the cup," he said. "We still don't know exactly what it is."

Lyra nodded. "What do we do?" she squinted at the sky. "It's already going dark."

"I suppose we just look about for something, just don't touch the water. You don't know what could happen," Regulus said, and so they began wandering around the island-like place they were at, searching for an exit or a way towards the horcrux.

——

_I'm going back to 505_

_If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive_

_In my imagination you're waitin', lyin' on your side_

_With your hands between your thighs_

_But I crumble completely when you cry_

_It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye_

_I'm always just about to go and spoil a surprise_

_Take my hands off of your eyes too soon_

Lyra could see how they were both wearing thin. What little food they had, they were eating in proportion - they'd already been stuck on this rock thing for a week, and how much longer they'd be stranded there, they didn't know.

They both refused to give up, however, no matter what they needed. They'd worked too hard and neither was about to give it all up any time soon. Lyra looked over at Regulus. His eyes scanned his black book rapidly.

"What're you actually looking for?" She asked. Both of their voices had turned croaky as aguamenti could only do so much.

"Something..." Regulus sat up a little straighter, finger now drawn to the page. "Aha! Got it!"

"What is it?"

Regulus paused. "Shit, Lyra. It demands human sacrifice."

She frowned. "What does?"

"This," Regulus gestured all around them. "The cave."

"...How do we do that?"

"I mean, I'm not sure. Maybe it works like poly juice, where you just have to put a piece of yourself somewhere. I don't know where, though," Regulus looked around.

The cave seemed to react similarly to the room of requirement in that moment, the western most wall glowing faintly. They both got to their feet, however wobbly.

"What do we do?" Regulus raised his hands to draw his fingers across the wall.

Lyra shrugged. "Try spitting on it or something. Bodily fluids."

Regulus paused, taking a moment to look at her in disgust, but then spat at the glowing wall in the upmost disgusting fashion, at least in his opinion. That was definitely not how he was raised.

Nothing.

"Fucks sake," Regulus kicked it angrily. He froze. "...You said bodily fluid?"

"Yes?" Lyra frowned and then a heart-stopping feeling dawned on her. "Reg, no-"

It was too late. Regulus had already dragged his leg across the jagged edges of broken rocks to make his blood break the surface. He spread it on the wall, and magically, the cave was slowly faded into nothingness, and they were left facing a long expanse of water. A boat floated in the middle.

"That's our ticket outta here," Regulus pointed at it. Lyra's heart leapt with adrenaline. "Turn. My déjà vu is back," he said, and Lyra turned in a circle, transforming into Swiper.

As soon as she did so, the whole weight of the world seemed to shift unevenly. It felt unpleasant. Eerie. She didn't alert Regulus. She did however stand her ground until Regulus sorted out the mess he’d made of his leg.

" _Accio!_ " Regulus shouted with his wand pointed at the boat, and it barely wobbled. "The fuck..."

Swiper called out, bobbing her head in the direction of something metallic glistening beneath the murky waters.

Regulus cocked his head to the side, repositioning his wand, " _accio_!"

Without warning, the great silver chain of what seemed to be an anchor whipped itself out of the water and shoved itself into Regulus' hand, bowling him over completely.

"Bloody hell," he stood up. "Could have done with a bit of warning, eh?"

But Swiper wasn't listening (not that she could've replied anyway). She was watching as the boat suddenly started to drift towards them without prompt.

When it reached them, Swiper sniffed at it, making a vague coughing sound. The water. It was horrible. Maybe that's what felt off; the world's weight hadn't shifted, it was just the unsettling smell of the ocean. This unreasonably dirty part of it.

Swiper barked a sound at Regulus and sniffed the water as a reminder to not touch it before hopping into the boat, Regulus not far behind. He took the oars into his hands and began rowing steadily forwards towards a tiny island with a podium-like structure in the middle.

Swiper was tense as they got closer, ice crawling up her skin. She turned back into Lyra.

“There’s something there,” Lyra said.

“Where?” Regulus was beginning to sweat from rowing, despite the arctic weather.

“I don’t know, but it’s not good, I can feel it,” she shivered.

Regulus hummed.

“Wasn’t that the whole reason I had to turn?” she snapped. “So that you would listen to me if I told you something was wrong?”

“If you think because your fox self is a bit nervous that I’m going to quit now, you’re hella wrong,” Regulus pumped the oars rapidly as they approached the podium.

Lyra ignored his comment. “What’s that?”

“We’ll have to see,” Regulus anchored the boat and stepped out.

“Regulus NO!” Lyra lunged forwards but it was too late.

Regulus had gotten out of the boat, water lapping at his ankles. Seconds later, before anyone could do anything, a bony, slimy hand reached out, tugging at his feet and pants.

“What the fuck are these?!” he yelped.

“They’re inferi,” Lyra’s screamed over the commotion and panic created. “I told you there was something off, what do we do to get rid of them?!” she cried.

Another hand reached out of the water and pulled Regulus down so that he landed on the crystalline flooring. He hit it with a thump that echoed through the whole cave. Lyra shouted, standing towards the edge of the boat, hand outstretched as far as she could with out touching the water herself. “Grab it,” she sobbed, “please!”

Regulus’ torso was the only thing not submerged in water as his hands grasped the jagged rock in attempt to stay alive. He spluttered, “I can’t, I’ll drag you in too.”

“But Regulus-“

“Shit! Lyra you have to go, run! NOW!” His hands lost their grip.

“You can’t go, Reggie, I need you,” she tried to grab ahold of him but he was too far out.

“I love y-“

The rest of his words were drowned out by the water, bubbles floating upwards where they were lost in translation. Lyra could see the pain and life leave his eyes, as if it flooded from him, just below the surface of the water. She would be alone with out him, but if it meant he was free, so be it.

Without another thought, Lyra fell backwards into the boat, tears streaming down her face as her sleeves dripped with water where she’d been splashed. A skeletal arm, the same type that had drowned Regulus, reached up the side of the boat. Another joined it. And another. And another.

_No_ , she thought, _I have to do what Reggie wanted. I have to go_.

She scurried to the other side of the boat, hoping to balance out the weight, but it was no use. The inferi consumed it. Tipped it. Pulled it over.

And suddenly, she was no more.

They had died for each other, and for their cause, but no one would ever know. Lyra had tried. She tried. She really did try. But no one would ever know the hero she died as, nor regulus. Because, to the outside world who knew nothing of their endeavours, they were a Slytherin, and a nice girl gone wrong.

The lit flame in her heart had slowly been burning out - she was once a girl with dreams, but now, all of her was consumed by darkness.

As for Regulus, he did all he could’ve. All he wanted to. At that second, nothing felt like it mattered anymore. Hopes, fears, love, hate, all of it was left behind as he blacked out. He would feel no more. He was free.

Neither would say another word, see another thing, think another thought, nor laugh another laugh.

_The scars you left._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- 👁👁  
> \- first song is animals by maroon 5  
> \- second song is 505 by arctic monkeys

**Author's Note:**

> \- hello  
> \- this is my first story i guess  
> \- an adaptation from something that came to me whilst i was maladaptive daydreaming so prepare for angst :’)  
> \- this seems like a love story and it low-key starts off as one but in the end it’s not it’s just the pain of life (and death welp)  
> \- disclaimer: i don’t support jkr’s transphobia/homophobia  
> \- i literally just made this for the sake of regulus’ story


End file.
